Why Did He Do It?

I sadly can remember every single detail... Of what happened to me when I was younger. I was eight years old and my older brother came into my room. He told me that he wanted to show me something. I had no idea what was going on so I said sure. He pushed me onto my bed. I of course being eight yelled at him and kicked him. But he wouldn't let me stand up. So I settled down. He pulled my pants and panties off and then took his own off. I don't know why I did not freak out.... But I didn't..... To this day I regret not having fought more. So after you can guess what happened. He told me to kneel down in front of him.... I did because I was in so much pain I didn't want to be hurt again. He told me to.... Suck him off.... I was so upset and crying I couldn't.... He hit me so much then... Then he left me alone in my room. For a week I had told my mother that he had hurt me and she told me not to pick fights I couldn't win... ****ed up..... I did know what it was called or what it meant.... Then he came into my room again after everyone went to bed.... For I don't know how long that went on.... Then for some odd reason two girls came up to me one day and asked me how my brothers were. I told them everyone was fine.... But when they asked about "HIM"... I said he is doing.. Sucky literally.... For some odd reason I don't know why.... I said that. But the next day there was police and etc at my school.... they had taken me out of class. I flipped out thinking I had done bad.... But my mom was there. She told me to tell them what really was going on... So I did.... The police arrested my brother and me and my other brothers were sent to my aunts for the summer.... I remember coming back after all this... Feeling guilt... My dad had two strokes and a heart attack that summer.... I blame myself. so so much.... But I don't know.... It always hurts me... But I am 21 now... Still afraid to trust and cant keep a boyfriend cause as soon as they want sex I leave them....

Well there you go... That's my story... My life... I am in collage now and surviving. But only just. Depression from it all... it hurts.. But if I give in... It would only cause more pain....
Zanlura Zanlura 22-25 Aug 19, 2013

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