Still RecoveringI was bullied pretty badly in elementary school and even into adulthood. The absolute worst bullying was in 7th grade. Starting in 2nd, I was called names, physically assaulted by punching and kicking, was spat upon, had my face held down in the snow, shoved, and isolated. I had been to maybe 2 birthday parties in all of my grade-school years. I told my parents and my teachers, but none of them did anything. When seventh grade rolled around, I was depressed enough to contemplate suicide. Every day I walked up and down the edge of the playground at recess, all by myself, until the kids started sticking pins in me. At that point, my only option was to stand with my butt up against the brick wall or hang around and talk to one of the playground mothers. The worst part of those attacks was that they came even during class. I would be sitting, minding my own business, and I'd get stuck. I told my mom about this and she did nothing. At that point, the bullying had gone on for so long I just figured I had to take it. After a while, I decided I wanted to kill the kid who did most of the bullying (fortunately, I didn't). Someone found my threatening drawings and notes and I got into trouble. The kids who were beating me up did not. No one ever did get in trouble, except for me. Things got better in high school, but I was still depressed and suicidal. I was taken out of school in my junior year and was tutored at home. In college, things didn't get much better. I latched on to a verbally abusive person who could and was "dating" someone who beat me up regularly (kicking and hitting me in the genitals, sticking cat litter in my mouth, verbally abusive). I didn't know any better. I thought that's all there was for me. I was seeing a therapist and eventually, I did break out of the bad friendships, but I was still bullied at work. I had one boss who yelled at me for things I didn't even do, and generally made my time at work miserable. As time has gone by, I've slowly learned that I don't have to take that kind of treatment, but it was so ingrained into me that the beliefs (that I am worthless and what not) have been slow to change. I finally found supportive and positive friends and I can feel things changing inside for the better. Periodically, though, I still have flashbacks and nightmares and have to fight the thoughts that I am responsible for what happened and brought it on myself.
deleted 26-30 8 Responses 1 Jan 16, 2008