Still Recovering

I was bullied pretty badly in elementary school and even into adulthood.  The absolute worst bullying was in 7th grade.  Starting in 2nd, I was called names, physically assaulted by punching and kicking, was spat upon, had my face held down in the snow, shoved, and isolated.  I had been to maybe 2 birthday parties in all of my grade-school years.  I told my parents and my teachers, but none of them did anything.  When seventh grade rolled around, I was depressed enough to contemplate suicide.  Every day I walked up and down the edge of the playground at recess, all by myself, until the kids started sticking pins in me.  At that point, my only option was to stand with my butt up against the brick wall or hang around and talk to one of the playground mothers.  The worst part of those attacks was that they came even during class.  I would be sitting, minding my own business, and I'd get stuck.   I told my mom about this and she did nothing.  At that point, the bullying had gone on for so long I just figured I had to take it.   After a while, I decided I wanted to kill the kid who did most of the bullying (fortunately, I didn't).  Someone found my threatening drawings and notes and I got into trouble.  The kids who were beating me up did not.  No one ever did get in trouble, except for me.   Things got better in high school, but I was still depressed and suicidal.  I was taken out of school in my junior year and was tutored at home.  In college, things didn't get much better.  I latched on to a verbally abusive person who could and was "dating" someone who beat me up regularly (kicking and hitting me in the genitals, sticking cat litter in my mouth, verbally abusive).  I didn't know any better.  I thought that's all there was for me.  I was seeing a therapist and eventually, I did break out of the bad friendships, but I was still bullied at work.  I had one boss who yelled at me for things I didn't even do, and generally made my time at work miserable.   As time has gone by, I've slowly learned that I don't have to take that kind of treatment, but it was so ingrained into me that the beliefs (that I am worthless and what not) have been slow to change.  I finally found supportive and positive friends and I can feel things changing inside for the better.  Periodically, though, I still have flashbacks and nightmares and have to fight the thoughts that I am responsible for what happened and brought it on myself.
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8 Responses Jan 16, 2008

I think this profile was deleted but I just wanted to add to what other people are saying. I was bullied in junior high and it was such a traumatic experience for me that I became very shy then and that lasted until I got to university, when I stayed in a very nice dorm and managed to get over most of it, and then got over the rest from all the living overseas I've been doing in the last few years. But it also turned me off this part of the world which is why when I sorted it out from overseas it took me a while to come back here for visits. I realized that a good part of it was my being from a British background, not North American. I found that as an adult, although I wasn't bullied, I still had people here telling me to be more like them as though this was the only way to be a worthwhile person (this country claims to accept all cultures but if it tries to change people's cultural behaviour and personalities then it is being racist without realizing it). Anyway, after spending time in very different cultures where I fit in better than most, I became so confident in myself that now whenever I'm back here I could care less what others think. On the other hand, I have found out that people can be bullied anywhere, but the reason I was bullied had a lot to do with my culture and that is what ticks me off when I see small examples of the same sort of attitude among a few adults here. Hope no one gets offended! That is my experience of the thing.

And I was bullied in junior high by name calling too, and also physical hitting and punching etc, and one time rocks were thrown at me. I'm a girl and it seems it was more girls doing it than guys. I guess I was lucky since my mum finally took it seriously and so did the school principal (but that was after 2 years of it) and mum then took me back to our country for a while and then put me in private schools back here.

I've read and understand the psychology behind it and that it is due to others projecting their jealousy, immaturity and low confidence onto a target who has what the bullies perceive themselves as missing. When one realizes the mechanisms, it makes one recognize it when it happens at times in the adult world, and then one can distance oneself from it and see that it is everything to do with the perpetrator and nothing to do with us.

Wow what pain u went thro im so sorry read my story i hated sixth grade and youll understand what i.could've done to those people who had buliied u:)!!

As we grow up, we tend to look back on the childish ways of our actions, thoughts and the words we said to someone. I am sure that most of the people in your life who have hurt you have probably looked back on it with heavy guilt and guilt is really hard to live with.<br />
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Just be glad that you were never that kind of person; to go to school and pick on someone who had already anticipated it becuase it had already happened to them so many times. You were very, very brave to get up every morning, going to school with that kind of treatment. What's really shameful about this whole thing is that adults were around and none of them came to your rescue, especially if you were at the point of killing yourself or someone else. Human beings can be some of the most vile creatures to ever walk the Earth, becuase we are capable of having/excising a positive conscious, yet, we choose to be harsh towards each other.<br />
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The only thing you can do is be proud that you were strong enough to survive it. Yes, the pain is still there, but with time and effort and realizing the blessings in your life, you will get through it. I think you still feel pain becuase you didn't get justice at the time that it happened. You were the one getting bullied, yet the school punished you after finding those letters or drawings. They should have done a thorough investigation instead of just looking at you.

That absolutely sucks. <br />
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It never ceases to amaze me what people are capable of doing to one another. It amazes me further that people - teachers, educators, parents, other students - are so willing to look the other way. Certain cable news organizations are only willing to cover the topic of bullying only in passing or as part of their more light-hearted segments, but don't be fooled: out of sight is NOT out of mind. <br />
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Bullied children take a very difficult path to adulthood and rarely emerge intact, often becoming dangerous people or poor parents/spouses. It's a terrible cycle. I am relieved to see that your experience has made you grow stronger and more sensitive.

i was bullied all through school. the hardest time of my life. i am still effected by it now. it has made me who i am now. pretty shy.

I was cyberbullied and it still hurts. It's something i find hard to forget about because the person was supposed to be a friend who i trusted. Any ways i could try and help myself forget about it? Please message me if you think of anything. Thank you! xx

I have been bullied since 9th-collage. Idk why i think ppl just dont like by body? (ya right look at me) well remeber you get bullied becuz what if you bullied or embarrised him/her when he/she was a kid or adult.<br />
ps- i got puched, pumbeled, kicked, swirled, wet willy, and wedgied! and i feel ur pain

it's good u kept it together.. i am away from bulling 2 years by now.. and it still hurts.. specially when they broke one of my teeth... a constant reminder of those years.. things are better now... i hope they'll get better for you too.. but.. well we ever free ourselves from the memories...?? i'm trying to find ways to deal with it right now...