I Am Still Teased And Have Flash-backs.

Since I was a small child, I was the primary target of unprovoked ridicule and torment, since primary school. At first it was simple teasing, but it then grew on and evolved into physical AND mental bullying, being small, I had no legitimate way of defending myself against being attacked, and I would receive physical hits to the stomach, back, and so on, which would give me bouts of acid reflux and days of pain; I reminisce it all very clearly within the dark abyss of my mind.

Most of the teachers and members of staff were almost as bad as the students, they did not understand me, neither did they seem to want to care about me, I was the one who'd be blamed for everything, alas I'd get punished for acts that I did not do. I remember all too well the sleepless nights where I was in a fetal position, trembling, frightened of going to school, and at the age of 8, it had gotten to the point of severity in which I had attempted suicide. I was covered in stab wounds and I could not mentally or physically make it to school. I received the diagnoses of Asperger Syndrome a mere year later, which explained why I could not speak out against my bullies appropriately so to get them to cease. At 11 years old, I received the opportunity to attend a different school, a special education unit with no more than sixty pupils. I thought I would be accepted there, but I was not, I was bullied and humiliated mercilessly and called a 'freak' by the older pupils and in the weak mental state that I currently was in from previous incidents, I had another mental breakdown, and I was given an adult anti-psychotic drug for a couple of years, along with the anti-depressant 'Prozac'.

I went back to being home-schooled again, I was isolated and lonely, and I'd never had a real friend. Due to my GCSE's coming up, I was left with no choice but to attend the unit between the ages of 15-16, wherein exposure to the other students participating in those classes was inevitable. I then attempted to make some friends, but things didn't turn out well. Instead of people being nice to me, they ridiculed me, spread rumors and the like. I was crying in the hallways and people would shout inflammatory comments at me from a distance, I was backstabbed and by a year or so later, everybody hated me or found me to be weird, when I didn't do anything. I still had no friends, and I recall several accounts when students would threaten to physically assault me whenever I passed their 'turf' (the hallways). I was also ridiculed inside of classes, pushed, and laughed at. I went back on the Prozac again, which caused me ill-health as a side effect. Aside from being abused in the school environment, I was also tormented on social websites, from the people there, I was called a 'nobody' and somebody who would never get anywhere in my life because of my disability, and that the students at the school were 'more advanced in life' than me, and that I shall 'never be normal'. I had made my attempts at explaining all of this to the headteacher, but she just accused me of lying and 'making it all up' after I had gotten assaulted (a hit to the chest in this incident, to be specific).

I had one friend who stuck up for me, whom I had gotten into contact with again around a year ago. I felt better that we both have almost identically mirrored pasts. I am currently at a mainstream High School where I am doing my A-levels, although I find I am still teased and laughed at by students on occasion. I have two new friends who are friendly to me, and I know that these people are my real friends.

Flergeron Flergeron
18-21, M
1 Response May 14, 2012

i m glad you have found some real friends,your story quiet touched me....tc