Bullied From Home To School

My life has been tainted by bullying to such an extended that it has left me a permanent tendency to depression. It is difficult for me to forget. I was bullied both at home from my brother and at school. The bullying started in my family. My brother who was 2 years older, was fat, violent, problematic, asthmatic and a bad student. Me in the other hand, I was athletic, healthy, calm boy and an excellent student. My father's seeming preference of me did not help the situation and soon I found myself being a victim of bullying. My father would also have daily arguments with my mother during which he would shout and swear and the atmosphere in the family was generally bad. I believe the bullying must have stated when I was about 8 years old and he was 10. My brother was obese and I was skinny, he would repeatedly hit particularly when my parents were not around. Furthermore, he would turn the kids in the neighbourhood against me by telling them how to make fun of me. I remember that at my first day at primary school, I saw him talking to my classmates telling them to make fun of me. I was never comfortable at school.

Through the years my brother became more violent and stronger. He would throw me on the ground and sit on my back for even an hour, laughing at my struggle while my parents were away. He would push me for no reason at random times, which resulted in me going sever times to the Hospital to get head and shin cuts sewed. At his early teenage years he would also hit my father (who had a problem with his arms because of a birth defect and was unable to defend himself) and I would get in the way and get hit. I was never a violent person and I never seeked violence. At some point my brother got an air-gun and would chase me around with it. He would destroy my possessions, mess up my room, steel my best games and laugh at me. My life became a seclusion in my room, a practice encouraged by my parents to protect myself. At other times my father would take me with him in his office to protect me, which seemed to enrage my brother even more.

I became used to the violence, it became part of my daily life. My seclusion and social phobia led me to being severely bullied at school too. My priority became to protect myself, to survive the day. My only pleasure was the time I spent in front of my computer. While I remained a very good student at school I gradually lost interest in everything. When my brother became 17 years old, he started doing a lot of swimming and gradually lost his weight. His bullying also gradually stopped but I continued to suffer at school. When I entered university I spent all my time locked up in my flat. I felt uncomfortable with people, I only wanted to be left alone, I didn't want anyone to make fun of me or hurt me. I abandoned University after 2 years of study during which I did nothing. In the next two years I did nothing.

During those years, my parents, shocked at my "surprising" academic behaviour sent me to psychiatrists so that they "cure" me. I was given a **** load of medication which resulted in me gaining up to 30 kilos of weight. In the next two years with much struggle from myself I managed to rebuilt my personality. I became open with people and stopped taking these crappy pills. I got a degree and a masters but I know that there is a permanent gap in my personal and professional life that will never be filled. I am now 27 years old and I am unemployed. I am trying hard to put my career on track but it's difficult. I am starting to understand as I become more aware of myself and the world, how unfair was what happened to me. Even worse is the fact that my parents do not admit and do not take responsibility for all the pain that has been caused to me because of their irresponsibility and their failure to protect me.

I have lived in the border-side of suicide for too long. I am a truly unhappy man. My pain has made me compassionate with others but I can't forget no matter what happens I remember. My only asset in trying to put my life back on track is my intelligence and my reasoning. This is what protected me in the most difficult of times.
RiseAgainNow RiseAgainNow
1 Response Sep 6, 2012

You did not deserve this. I just want you to know that. Children are supposed to be protected and your parents didn't do that, whether they admit it or not. That gap you mentioned CAN be filled. It can. Have you considered a "higher power?" I believe in God. He has removed most of my abandonment issues (my parents left me when I was six. Not with a sitter... they moved without me.) I've been freed from meth. (9 years) and been able to heal from a violent rape from my sister's husband. I can't explain it, I'm not religious. Have you tried talking to Him? My theory is this... religion is for people that don't want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those of us who've been there. Sending lots of hope and strength your way, Bud.