I Have No One But Me

Ever since I have acne, I have been bullied for as long as I can remembered but this did not affect me since I know that I have people who love me and does not think of me that way. But then my friends began to get bullied too because they are hanging out with me and suddenly they changed their attitudes toward me and now I do not have friends. I do not blame them. I mean, it is really emotionally hard if your being bullied. It did not stop there. In our class, the teacher assigned us our group project and I have to worked with a bunch of my classmates. I could feel that they are making fun of me. They tell me wrong directions and they tell me to go to wrong places just so I could not attend to meetings. And even though I did my best in the group project, I got failed. I was the only one who got failed. The grading system of that projects is that you grade your members based on their performance. The worst part was, people who did less passed and I failed. Every time I walk out of the house, people are screaming at me telling me nasty things as if I do not have feelings. They find it very assuming to humiliate me. The worst part is, other people seem to go to their side. I tried to tell my mother about it and we went to the dermatologist but it did not cure my acne. I could also feel the disappointment of my family for having acne. My parents are always perfectionist. They get disappointed for every failure you have but they do not get pleased when you do something right. They are not also very showy of their emotions that is why I grew up being distant with each other. It is really sad since I am not accepted in the family for having acne. This should be the place where I could have my self-esteem back but it just crushed my spirits more. Nobody actually felt to be bullied by everyone around them and being shameful about yourself. Everyday I try my best to be strong and put my head together but sometimes I just fall back down again when you have no one but yourself and everyone else is always against you. I try my best not to cry because I know nothing can be solved by crying but sometimes, the world is just extra hard when you have acne. I do not need advice on how to take out acne. I have tried everything. I do not need advice on how to be strong. I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. I do not need pity. I do not need criticisms. I just need to get this out of my system since I do not have anyone to talk to.
watchado watchado
18-21
1 Response Sep 18, 2012

I love what you say at the end, "I do not need advice, Ive tried everything. Ive been doing this for as long as I can remember"
Nailed it.
Im 26 and in the last month four people have commented on my acne, trying to be helpful perhaps. But they dont realize how damaging it is. We damn well know what we have.
Today a girl said "you have **** on your face, literally theres **** on your face, oh nevermind its just acne" she's a few years older than me too. Dont know how to handle it anymore. like you said, sometimes you just need a safe place to vent.