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Bullying/Abuse

I wish we'd stop calling it 'bullying', and call it what it really is. Abuse. I was bullied everyday, all day, for 11 years. I vomited each morning because I knew what was going to happen, and knew I couldn't stop it. Anyone I told just said to stand up for myself. But that only made things worse, because then they knew they could get a reaction out of me. And they thought that was funny. It just never stopped. As I got older, it became different .. being ignored, shunned, is another form of bullying/abuse. Nobody has ever said 'sorry' for it. Maybe because none of them are sorry ...

Cursedboy Cursedboy 36-40, M 25 Responses Jul 23, 2008

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This really speaks to me. I always say that "bullying" is too "Leave it to Beaver": Eddie Haskell picking on The Beave. Harassment is what I usually use. I was horrendously bullied from the age of 11 until 18. My harassment/bullying included sexual assault and sexual harassment (I was gay--although I was harassed about this before I even knew that I was gay). After one incident, I was hospitalized. Back in the 80's, nobody knew what to do with a kid who stopped talking and eating. So I was thrown into a hospital. Great family, huh! My life was hell. And I would be elated to say the "It gets Better" (which is does for some), but for me the pain lives on. And I am unable to sleep at 3:27am because the memories are front and center (my subconscious isn't so obedient). Anyway, thank you for your memories as sad as they are.

I think you hit dead center with that one. It is abuse. People call it bullying just to make it sound less problematic, to limit it. Euphemize it. Then they can fell a little better for not stopping it, because it's 'not such a big deal'. <br />
Funny thing, for me the pattern of abuse, or bullying of it can even be considered that, was complete opposite of yours. I first had to deal with being ignored, shunned, and the name calling. After they realized none of it was getting to me, they decided to make sure I would pray for those days to come back. That's when the beatings came. They'd attack me in groups of 3 to 10, and beat me just for laughs.<br />
I didn't as much as escape that torment as much as I out lived it. I finished my secondary school and moved on to college. I severed all ties that connected me to that world and moved on.<br />
And no. They are never sorry.

Get revenge. Just anonymously. I haven't on mine, so maybe it's not right to suggest it. But the only way to deal with such people is retaliation. The buck can stop with you.

abuse(bullying)comes in many many forms and mental bullying is one of the most difficult-it does not carry any physical scars caused by others but i know hoe it affects people emotionally<br />
mike

I still ignored/shunned to this day. The people I went to school with still won't speak to me, because I was such a dork/loser in school. As long as I live in this city, it's a title I'll never shake. With the advent of Facebook I'm screwed wherever I go. :) But the difference is, I don't care now that I'm older. I know I'm better and a more stronger person than any of those people. I can guarantee if any of them went through today what they put me through, they would be locked up.

I agree that "bullying" is a term that brings to mind an oversized kid in the school yard trying to take your lunch money. It really should be called "abuse" and "harassment". I'm about the same age as you. Back when we were in school, things were far worse. Picking on other kids was considered a rite of passage, and teachers didn't intervene at all. Some teachers even joined in. Nowadays abuse still happens in schools, but it's taken more seriously. In some states it's illegal, and too many episodes of bullying can lead to expulsion from school. I wish those laws were in place back when I was in school... because my bullies had titles like "Student Council President". <br />
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Armine is right though, karma does cause bullies to get theirs later in life. I've witnessed it myself. Some of my old bullies are in their 30's now, still acting and living like they're 16. Some are in jail. Others got married... then totally cheated on and dumped by their husbands. It sure does come back to them.

I have been bullied too as kid, like you said, 1st actively and then later by beiing ignored.......its a powerfull factor that disrupts youre life for ever, maybe in a lesser or bigger way, but still. I did not cope with it when small, and today as a grown up, I still get flashbacks and still suffer the consequenses in smaller doses.....what I can tell you though is that I have learned to cope by getting to know myself, by getting to my flaws and the things that I was judged on. I realized over time that I was nothing less that the people that did that too me....I realized that I am great and I can and will achieve anything and that it does not matter what people think of you....If you end up in jail, in a institution or whatever, we are all the same, its just the masks we hold up that differs, some of us are just better at pretending.....forget what the world thinks, the world sucks, but you can make it a special place for youreself......

I was a rather small child in grade school, and was bullied by the School Bully. He would beat the crap out of me, on a daily basis, until I was able to outrun him. But, he found ways to corner me. This wen on till the 10thdebt grade. I started Martial Arts Flagged and in about 6mos, I had no fear. The Bully got his due... So, my advise is, if a Bully makes you rage with anger. Run, as often as you must, if you have a conscience.

Being bullied is the same as getting a failing grade in an acodemic subject. Being the victem of bulling shows a failure in aquiring interpersonal skills. Read all of the experences posted by people who have been bullied. Many of these experences say "I have been bullied all my life", "I am bullied by many different people", "everyone bullies me". Most of their experences show that the bulling goes wherever they go. They create it and invite it.<br />
People who evaluate the situation correctly take actions to change the image they present to the world; they change the way they behave to stop being bullied. That is why there is a Keradi studio in every *****-mall in the USA.

Or it could be that a lot of people are shallow arseholes ...

This is total bullshit!! I was bullied 8 out of my 12 years in grade school!! I minded my own business, the bullying found me, I didn't provoke it. I am a pretty normal looking person, but I was put down for being the loner, for being the outsider. All those helpless kids who don't do a damn thing to provoke the bully. Your basically saying its the bullied persons fault.

Goffey:

You have shown yourself to be immature and sans compassion. Shame on you! Some people are not natural fighters or don\'t understand the psychology of bullies or have a moral code that doesn\'t allow them to fight back. Others have been beat down by parents, partners, life, etc. and are vulnerable. Some one else\'s vulnerability does not give you the right to take advantage of them for your own gain. That is the lowest form of human behavior and if you have any conscience at all, should fill you with shame.

Humans being cruel to each other is a reminder that we have not escaped the jungle and are still infants in our spiritual evolution.

You suggest that people \"change the way they behave\" to stop the bullying. What if they are gay, or black or disabled in some way that they cannot change? The answer is not so simplistic as you would have it be.

The best answer is for our fellow humans to grow up and treat others, especially those who are different, damaged or shy, with dignity. This is called civilized and mature behavior and is a desirable trait in human evolution.

All it takes is for you to eliminate the littleness of spirit that you have expressed and to be decent to others. It is very simple and does not require Karate or any other martial art to achieve, although the martial arts can be a fine practice in achieving personal, spiritual and physical balance and strength.
Find the better person within yourself. I am sure that he exists. Find him and use him to lift others up instead of beating them down. It is good for the heart and the head and you will have a better life for it.

I was bulled by eight older girls and i was abused badly by them. But i've moved to scotland and i'm never going to see them again

girls can be nasty. I remember a similar experience, by 2 or 3 girls. If at the time I were the person I am today, I'd just rip them apart.

Posted by Giggelets on 4th April 2011 at 9:28 a.m. "YOU HAVE REALLY OVERSIMPLIFIED THIS BULLYING THING... In most schools if a bully victim fights back, he or she is then equally punished for fighting equally with their abuser! OVER SIMPLIFIED MIGHT BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT!" <br />
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Tell me something about what happened to you when you were bullied. I am making this statement ba<x>sed on my own experience. Bullies can sense fear. And they will feed off of that fear to make themselves feel powerful at the expense of their victims. That is what bullying is all about: Power and control! If someone feels insecure or inadequate then they will insult and harass their victims to the point that, sometimes, the victim can not bear it anymore and commits suicide! This nearly happened to me! I am alive today because I fought back by taking out all of the anger, hatred, resentment, and aggression out of myself and directed it right into the face of the bullies! What goes around comes around as the saying goes! Back in high school 20 years ago I was 5 foot 10 inches tall and weighed 155 pounds. Now I am 5 foot 11 inches and 243 pounds with a no nonsense attitude when it comes to bullying, whether it is at work or it is in personal situations such as being taunted by drunken idiots or chauvanistic ********! I am fearless, and I make no excuses for not backing down in a confrontation!

It's true though. Whenever I have tried to stand up to bullies, it has only made things get even worse. They WANT a response. They WANT a reaction. And when I have, then the bullying about how angry I got, that it makes me a 'freak', got even worse. And yeah, often, I was the one who got in to trouble for it. I should have known better than to react. Yet ignoring them just makes them keep on going, and there's only so long you can pretend not to hear and feel it ...

I actually envy those who can 'fight back' and it makes it stop. Usually when they do, someone comes out in support of them. Someone shows they care. I never had that.

Taking a stand for what you believe in can be very difficult, however, once you do this you will win the respect and admiration of your peers and even your foes. No one wants to be friends with a 'doormat' of a person who lets everyone walk all over them, and this is why bullying takes place. People let others push them around. If you do not stand up for yourself then no one will.

NOW what can be done about it is that u can FORGIVE them!!!<br />
if not then it is them who will go on with there normal live never ever knowing about you..for there whole lives..<br />
let it go

Hi All,<br />
My fiancee and myself made a video about bullying the cause and effect. It's a must see video! Please watch! =)<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/user/mkatsapas?feature=mhum#p/u/0/8Rf4Kwacb_g<br />
<br />
Regards,<br />
Paola & Myron

oh man... im so sorry.

tasmin, at the moment, I do volunteer work with (ironicly) other people with a mental illness, or a disability.

I have just read some of your stories and this one.<br />
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It is very helpful to others to read about your experiences but sad that you dont seem to be able to change things.<br />
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What kind of work do you do?

Cursedboy, bullying is a most serious abuse issue and for you all themore so because of the length of duration. Did you at any stage seek legal redress? There might be others who went through the same system as you whose lives might also be shattered by their horrific, traumatic experiences. Has anyone from your system been in touch at all? I grew up in an abusive situation. It leaves its mark. But my daughter has experienced the most horrible bullying...all I could do was witihdraw her.<br />
I totally agree with you about the cupability of witnesses. They are the ones with the most power. Children have to be taught to make a stand, be accountable. I wish you all the best for finding resolution and healing. Thankyou for speakiing out.

i understand i was made fun off 2 and it was because of where i lived, now i dislike most people and have a hard time trusting on top of that i hide my feelings and it takes people a long time to really truly get to know me there are things about me that my husband still doesnt know and we have been together for almost 5 yrs! and yeah bullying is abuse and there kids should understand the effects of it more and how it can really rip a person apart and change how they see people and themselves

Make your mark by turning someone's life into a living hell?

well sumtimes, u got 2 make ye mark in this relm and never let the haters & demons win!

Even when I was in High-School, it felt like, those who could see what was going on, but never said anything to help or support, didn't do anything to help stop the cycle, were pretty much just as bad as those who were directly involved in the bullying/abuse.

People are too afraid to break from the herd. If someone stands up for a person who is being bullied by several people or one very popular person, they are, sadly, probably going to have to deal with the bully themselves. It is indeed a cycle that won't be broken because everyone, even those who want but are too afraid to help victims, are too afraid. I totally agree with what you say.

Even if people notice, bubbleyum10, they very rarely care, unless it directly effects them. I think with any form of abuse .. physical, sexual, verbal, emotional .. there's a tendancy for people to belive that if they stick their head in the sand, then the problem won't exsist. The thing is, it makes the problem worse, because it gives a 'green light' to those doing the abuse, and makes those suffering through it feel even more isolated and alone ... it still does.

Karmic law fixes the bullies, my dear - you can be certain of that. Everything we do comes back to us in one way or another; you probably will have nothing to do with the fate coming to those who bullied you (you may not even know about it), but believe me 'they will get theirs'. Try to heal (or at least accept what was done and that it wasn't your fault) and enjoy your life in the present moment. That way, they will never win.

I've been waiting for over half a year for some karmic payback to happen to my bully, but it seems I'm the only one feeling any pain. However I do strongly believe that the world works in that negative actions grant negative karmic lessons, as you say about karmic law. I've seen it happen before. I'm just hoping my bully will someday understand what karma means.