My Current Situation!

Hi all! I"m a new member to the forum! My name is Emma, and I am 14 years old! I reside in Dublin, Ireland! I stumbled across this very site, whilst researching "Bullying" advice!.I despise pity, but I haven"t had the easiest of childhoods, although I honestly can"t complain! My younger brother was diagnosed with ADHD ( He is also on the autistic spectrum), at the age of 5!. He attended the same primary school as me until he was 8, and would switch schools many a time, in the coming years!. From the age of about 7 onward, I would become socially stigmatized, both by my peers at school, their parents, and my neighbors!.Quisitive sessions in relation to my brother"s condition,disapproving glares, and social exclusion became frequent ( There was a snobby atmosphere to begin with) , and while I had a few friends, it lead me to feel quite isolated(I then had the added stress of actually living at home with his condition). So, needless to say, I felt a sense of "respite" once leaving for secondary school! It was my opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to make new friends, and for a clean-slated "reputation" away from being the sister of the "weird kid". I am currently in my second year of secondary school!. I have formed many friendships, am doing very well academically, and the consensus is I"m generally well liked?. However, I am experiencing a very truculent period with one peer in particular! In First year, this peer happened to be a "friend" of some sort! I always assumed she was overly snobby, bitchy, and possessed "unpleasant" traits particularly towards my other friends! She never took that much interest in "socializing" outside of school, so I held a somewhat ""weary" approach towards her!. Last year, she was accused of bullying two of my immediate peers ( One complaint was dealt with a resource teacher ( One of my friends has special needs), and the other with with my year head! I"m not quite certain what the end result of the "resource" teacher"s approach was, but I do know that the difficult peer was confronted by my year head numerous times, throughout the academic year! I shall give you examples of the actions trust upon one of my best friends ( The girl who complained to the year head). (She has had a challenging upbringing due to her abusive father, now separated from her mother). She was subjected to physical abuse by the bully,( i.e struck on the head with hardback copies, newspapers have been violently snatched from the grasps of her hands, pencil cases have been flung at her), verbal ( ie "No body gives a flying f*** about your dad, stop feeling sorry for yourself", "I"m glad he beat the **** out of you, "You"re stupid", the list goes on. She also made crass remarks about her medical condition!. In conclusion, her life was made a living misery!. I am very fond of my best friend, as you would be, but conversing about the issue is sometimes difficult, as she is not very transparent about her emotions. The bully also subjected one of my other friends to this torment, undermining her intelligence etc, and making open declarations in front of me such as "Her house is so dirty", "Her mother is screwed up", "She"s such a special child" etc. The bully also began remarking subtle digs about me, which I took no notice of!. However, since returning to school in September, life has become extremely difficult for me! Coupled with my Brother"s deteriorating ADHD ( And the stress of my parents), and excessive bullying, it is almost unbearable!. The bullying started the first week of term when she stated "You know I have a higher chance of studying medicine than you, because I clearly have the intelligence of Einstein, and you are an absolute idiot/****" "Your clumsiness and forgetfulness will lead you to kill all your patients". I was honestly stunned at this statement, not at her actual nerve to say this, but the extent of it. I attempted to not let it get to me, but this behavior would be considered "mild" compared to her actions that would follow in the coming days, weeks, and months!. I would be treated to "Fail, Wow, Idiot, your feet are so dirty, you"re filthy" in every PE lesson!. Between the corridors and in classrooms daily,I experience "Retard, "You"re a disgrace to the music world" "Tweedle Dom"",Stupid" , "Go hang yourself", "s***", "Special child", "F***tard"", "Shut up,"Dike", ""Your brother is f**** up". "excuse me I was talking "( When attempting to answer questions, she dominates every class).She came up to myself and my friend on Open Night, and stated "You know if she killed someone, you"d agree with her" in regards to a girl from a younger year. She also spits at me, glares, knocks me down, pushes me,and sticks out her tongue!. I am forced to sit on my own in the library after school before Latin, as she forces herself upon a group of peers in my class ( One of them who happens to be close friend of mine) due to the fear of torment!. Every day feels like a constant battle to pull myself out of bed! My year head has been contacted TWICE, but has showcased much incompetence, and quite frankly ignorance in relation to the matter! The first occasion she confronted the issue, she brought me into an isolated room, asked for a example, and then brought me and this girl into a room to discuss our "differences". The bully started crying, and received comfort and much sympathy from the year head for some obscure reason? She then apologized for saying "I couldn"t become a doctor" and that she from the moment she comes home to the moment she leaves for school, her parents and her brother argue IN FRONT OF THE YEAR HEAD. ( I highly doubt this as she brags about how wonderful her lifestyle is, e:g her parent"s professions, what functions she attends, what possessions she owns, the foreign holidays she ventures on ( 5 times a year) the list is endless. The year head then left us alone for a few minutes, and the girl whispered "You are pathetic to think I meant that" ( She also stated to some classmates later that she "Did it to save her ***". The situation became much worse, and my year head was contacted for a second time. ( She rang whilst I was hospitalized for suspected appendicitis, and insisted that she spoke to the girl and that she has DENIED EVERYTHING. She also mentioned that "Mrs *Germanotta* we shall say for certain purposes. ( Not My surname), we have to be two-sided about the situation. My mum empathized the amount of stress I am under, as a result, but seemed to take a blind eye. This had lead to not only myself and mother, but school friends developing a theory, that they are somehow related! Thus, explaining her desperation to protect her her. There is defiantly some peculiar underlining reason. I suspect she favors her at least, and this girl is adamant she is God"s greatest gift,(As I"ve stated, dominating the classroom environment( and defiantly the most intelligent student, despite me receiving a "academic achievement award" last year ( I hate to brag, but she didn"t). I have never caused one ounce of trouble, so my year head has no hold over me. I just felt disgusted that I have been basically accused of lying about an issue as serious as bullying! I hold firm beliefs about pro-equality and anti-discrimination!. For our civics project at school she has set up " Anti-Bullying and suicide" websites, which sickened me to my core. I have received support from many school peers, but many have turned a blind eye, I suspect they feel manipulated by her! She has begun to treat other people in the school community in a weird way, but has also influenced two people within my year to turn against me! One has threatened to "Beat me up" ( The bully ******* about me behind my back with her), and the other has began directing comments such as " The only reason such and such is friends with you is because ( *Stefani* we shall call her is bullying you ( She said this IN FRONT OF HER), and "You"re playing electric guitar, that"s so gay compared to classical piano).My confidence has been hindered to such a degree that my academic focus/results are beginning to suffer! My Christmas Exams are set to begin tomorrow, and I fret about the results! I was so focused and diligent last year, in comparison!. The slack of support from AN ADULT, has lead me to become further isolated! I HATE my school environment, the school overall isn"t great, but, I"m craving a new environment!. There have been FOUR teenage suicides due to Bullying in Ireland, and I"m quite surprised about the limp response from the school! To some extent, I know "running away" never resolves an issue, but I feel as though you can"t fully comprehend the situation until you are in my shoes!. I feel as though, every aspect of myself is flawed or undermined!. I pride myself on Lady Gaga"s message, of bravery, acceptance, and tolerance, and will admit she is aiding me through this difficult period! I am tempted to tape/record the daily on-goings, and take a smart approach to all of this!. This girl has form both in primary school and in stage school ( I have sources) She is dyslexic, and apparently is on the "autistic" spectrum ( I highly doubt this, as she waddles her way out of trouble), but even so, I have lived with my brother"s condition, and even though he is destructive and hype active, he isn"t nasty intentionally, and this behavior should not be tolerated .! I am honestly at the end of my tether, and would appreciate any insight given!
MsGagathe2nd MsGagathe2nd
2 Responses Dec 16, 2012

Hi MsGagathe2nd!!

First of all, sorry about your brother, that must be very difficult to live with, but you have shown to be exceptionally brave about it. He needs your love and support and viceversa, family always comes first.

About the bullying... I am 34 years old and was bullied all my life until I got to college. You seem like a very nice, intelligent and clever girl, and you know deep inside that it's all bullshit. You know this girl is crazy, whatever the reasons she must have to do such things, you know it's a mistake. You're not all the things she says you are, and you clearly don't deserve any physical or psychological abuse. It is very important that you know this.

How to stop her? I don't know. I wish I did. Not even the "authorities" or adults close to you have been able to do much. Keep trusting them though, they can help you. What I can tell you for sure is: IT WILL PASS. Years will go by and it will eventually fade away. You will have the bullying scars forever, but it will belong to your past, and somehow it will make you what you are going to become. Withstand it with your head held hi. Learn from it and hopefully you can help somebody else sometime.

I'm sorry it had to happen to you, but don't give up. Be the better person. Ignore her and focus on school, your brother, gaga and whatever else makes you feel good!

Be well, love, Daisy.

I can't read all this sorry, try to write a summary

Don't be mean, just read it. It's actually well written and well expressed, not that anyone else seems to have noticed yet!

Well you seem to be a very strong (mentally), and exceptionally intelligent girl (I can tell from the language you use). This other girl wants to bring you down and make you feel like you're worthless just because she knows you're the one who is going places. To say she has the intelligence of Einstein is clearly a ridiculous and desperate thing to say. Clearly she does not, but feels threatened by your intelligence.
Now I know that you don't want to bother your parents with your own problems, because of your brother's condition, but I really think you need to talk to them. You need their help too, and they need to know that. They are distracted at the moment of course but let them know you need to talk.
You are strong in yourself and I think that all you need is to know that an adult is there supporting you, and nobody better than your parents. It doesn't have to be both of them. I always talk to my dad about stuff because he is calmer.
I promise you it won't be the end of the world, because adults are well prepared for lots of things going wrong - they don't really count problems! And they can't expect your life to be perfect. But your problems are more easily solved than your brother's, and I'm sure they (or one of your parents) will be happy to help, or just to be there for you.
Make sense?