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Confusion.

I always find myself lost and dropped from society, like all my friends aren't who they used to be.
I don't know whether it's just me or they're actually changing and not being as good of friends as they used to be.
Crushs just keep drifting and seem more complicating, Justin, I've dated him once before about a year and a half ago nearly when we first met.
He acts like he likes me now, but still picks on me, not rudely like his friends do, but he does. Then at other times, he'll flirt with me, like I do with him.
It's weird, I've never been so nervous to look at a guy, I've never been so scared of losing friends, my family is already gone. I live with my grandparents, and I'm made fun of because my two little brothers drowned when I was 9, they were 6 and 7. It was a rough week. Losing one on the spot and the other acouple days after.
I don't know who to trust anymore, my mother 'fighting' to get my sister and I in court, when all she does is lie on me and get me in trouble.
I've always had trust issues, but now they've gotten even worse.
I'm always shaking now, I just hold out my hand and it's trembling mildly. I'm always nervous, in school when an announcement is made I'm afraid my name will be called, I'm afraid I'll be sent to the Office to do something or I'm in trouble, I'm always nervous for it.
I've been really anxious lately, waiting for school to end and so I can get away from all them people. But I still want to see one of my crushes. I only have two. Ben and Justin. I never really liked anybody until last July when I seen Ben, only had to look at him.
But does anybody have a clue onto why I'm always shaky, and jumpy.?
ArtsyJayde ArtsyJayde 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 20, 2013

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::Huggies:: You are a normal teenager, no matter what anyone says. The best part? You get to decide whose word you can rely on. I'll get to that in a bit.

If you can talk to a school counselor for a while maybe? You'd get some good clarity from that. You can do it after school so the other kids don't see you walk in, but talk to the counselor there and maybe that person can talk to you and help you out.

After those traumatizing events you mentioned, it's normal to feel a bit 'shaken up' by your experience. Just like NeeaGirl said, don't feel down on yourself. You are a wonderful human being and you do not need to feel to down on yourself.

I understand, I'm bullied in school, for absolutey everything. I've had grey eyes all my life. And they used to call me a Dog asking if I could see in black and white. I recently noticed they were turning a green, and they turn yellow in the sun, and people mock me more about that.. I tell teachers, and anybody I can to either get me away from them people or to ask them to stop. They don't do anything about it. They just don't find it that important. My father blamed me for my brothers death, my father started to drink and abandoned my 10 year old sister and I, about 6 years ago. I mean, I have a trust issues from every corner. If someone walked up to me and went, "I like your hair" or something, I'd ask who put them up for it and ignore them completely and forever.

Aye yah, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Do you do any kind of activitiy on the side? Go to a martial arts class, art class, take hiking or nature walks... anything with a group of people that are positively good?

I'm in a writing academic in school, I'm in the Marching Band, that consists of 130 students, I play Basketball, LaCrosse, Field Hockey, and Soccer. There's only 350 students in my high school.

Jeezus. You are active. And still teased by those on your Team?

How about outside of school? Anything you can do positively with others around?

I do YoungLife and some church things, YoungLife is okay with peers, but I'm still alone majority of the time. I have a Promise Scholarship at GlenvilleStateCollege in WestVirginia. I do stuff that involve hundreds of people, nobody really talks to me though. When I talk to them I get that "Omg is that potato breathing?" thing.

Wait, you carry around a Potato?...THAT BREATHES? What kind of scientific discovery have you been with holding from us? You've got to write about this! This is amazing! This is..

Wait, were you talking about yourself? Nooo.. ::Huggies:: I think over time, you'll feel a bit more confident. You have LOTS going for you which is a whole lot more than what I've got going on right now (One day at a time) so I'm glad you've got plenty of things to keep you active.

Do you have anyone that you look up to? Fictional or Non?

Uhm, mostly NicholasSparks, the author of TheNotebook, TheGuardian and many other BestSelling novels. He has succeeded through sooooo much just by doing what he loves.

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