I don't remember a time when I wasn't. In grade school it was teasing, being called "ten ton tessie", having my pants pulled down & everybody laugh.
In high school it was just being shunned. Because I was a big, shy girl, I guess I was an easy mark. I had a really MEAN prank played on me.
A boy I really liked asked if I might want to go see a movie. I of course said YES! Heehee!! We were going to meet at the school on that Saturday. I went home all excited, momma was so excited for me. My very first date. I couldn't wait for Saturday!! My mom's friend came over & they helped me get ready. Momma gave me some money (just in case he didn't have enough). Good thing... He wasn't there when I got there. Instead there was a group of popular girls there. The ringleader was laughing her *** off. Said that it figured a fat *** like me would dress up for a date that would never happen. What was I thinking, that a popular boy like ______ would want to date a girl who always smells & eats like a pig! I was really proud of myself, I didn't cry. They followed me to the streetcar. I got on, and went to the movies....alone. I was too ashamed to go home & tell my mom what had happened. I didn't want to disappoint her. She'd been so happy for me. It was nice while the bubble lasted....
I phoned her after the movie, when I was a bit calmer (having spent the entire movie bawling in the back). I told her I was on my way home, & that I had paid my own way. I told her what really happened the next day after her friend had left. She cried & got mad. Wanted to call the school & give them sh!t. Heehee!! Have I said how much I love my momma. She's such a mother bear when it comes to me. I love her for that! I quit school two weeks later because the girls had of course blabbed about how I was all dressed up & looking forward to a date. I could only take being laughed at again for so long. That's the real reason I quit high school when I was 16.....
I don't know if this story is going to help anyone realize why I am the way I am, but to the guys in my circle (& the special one, he knows who he is) that is why I am so emotional, & so scared of being hurt, because I've had my feelings used against me & been the blunt of cruel jokes because of it. I hope you will forgive me. I am sorry!!