I Was Caned By My Mother

This is a difficult issue to talk about. For those of us who were caned by our mothers' we are left with very confused and ambivilent feelings years after  the events.  The canings I received occured over 30 years ago so talk of parents being imprisoned now is nonsense. My mother was left to raise myself and my 2 sisters on her own. She was a practising Christian who believed in not sparing the rod. I was caned for various reasons such as disobedience or disrespect or failing to achieve a required mark ay School or Ballet exams. I was not caned often and usually  the threat of the cane was enough to make me eitheer work harder or change my ways.Being caned was painful and humiliating and maybe that was the purpose.It is corrective discipline. I dont agree with my mother for using the cane on all the occasions she used it( my 2 older sisters were caned much more than me, or so they claim) but I respect her for doing what she felt was right at the time and according to her principles. She wanted to protect us and to teach us to be respectful, graceful young ladies(hence the ballet classes and elocution etc) even if it did involve harsh discipline.Its too easy to judge people by the standards of now na dnot by the beliefs at the time. Caroline

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19 Responses Mar 1, 2010

My mum was married, but she resorted to some real harsh means when she needed to. Because my father went out to work and mum mainly stayed at home to raise the kids, she did most of the disciplining. So in the worst case scenario, invariably it was her that got the dreaded cane out of the cupboard, took my trousers down and gave me a jolly good hiding.

Single moms need more harsh means then married moms because of the time and patience that is required to raise children. There was more benefit then harm.

You're lucky. I was a swimmer and ran track so marks were visible and had to train and compete.

Caning very effective on females. It just is the tool best designed for their bottoms.

says the man...

Good catch. I am indeed a man.

Not seen this in my experience but it is possible somewhere.

In my case it was my father, so your situation could have been worse. I don't think its right to beat any small children, but especially small girls. I think that as far as caning goes, the boys get it much worse. The only thing worse than a severe beating is getting it in front of other kids....

I disagree, as the use of corpral punishment has decreeced the poor behaviour and lack of respect has increased to the point where a lot of elderly people are afraid to leave their houses after dark. Both boys and girls benifit from halving boundarys imposed on them and spanking with cane or belt is the ultimate sanction for not abiding within these boundarys. You should be gratefull your Mother loved you enough to gide and correct you

it is terrible there other spolution to educated you

Caning a Female is wrong! There is other ways to SPANK a Female!

Fdekoker thats B S . Some Females are just as strong as males .

Caning anyone is wrong!

I agree Janie, caning is very brutal, especially judicial canings they give in Singapore.

then I am never going to go there, if I can help it!

I think they only cane males. Is that correct BadAlex?

2 More Responses

Hi Balletgirl,<br />
<br />
Your experience of being caned sounds uncannily similar to mine. Your comment "For those of us who were caned by our mothers' we are left with very confused and ambivilent feelings years after the events." especially rings very true with me.<br />
It was a rare occurence for my mother to cane me, and whenever she did I always deserved it and it was horribly painful and humiliating. She used the cane only as a last resort for very serious offences, and I would never have been caned for poor exam grades. But now more than 30 years later I look back and realise that some of the beatings she gave me were so severe as to be considered as child abuse, even though I know she wasn't being malicious and only punished me in what she thought was the right way at the time.<br />
<br />
It's incredible that standards have changed from one extreme to another over the last four decades, so that discipline is virtually non-existent these days, whereas in the 1970's it was still legal for a child to be beaten as harshly as I sometimes was.

i have no bad feelings i was an Unruly youngster in the 1950s 1960s and Deserved to be Caned by my Mum and at School . in the 1950s 1960s it was LEGAL for Parents to Punish their youngsters if it was Deserved . Respected Gent Age63 years young . davidmaher48@gmail.com

in today.s World Parenting is so Different . their is no Discipline in homes or Schools . Thats why their is so much Chaos . in the 1950s youngsters did as their Parents told them to or got a smacked bottom . it worked when i was a youngster and seemed Normal to me . Without Discipline their is CHAOS . Respected Gent Age 63 years young . davidmaher48@gmail.com .

I would have though that probably your kind of a caning hurts a lot and then the marks of it go away after a while completely. But you say that it is difficult to talk about it.<br />
<br />
Do you mean that it was permanent marks?<br />
<br />
If so then I don't think that I am unusual in America for being uninfomed about it.

Hi Balletgirl.<br />
<br />
Good for you. By comparison my parents had only spanked me with the hand and I still think that they had been getting it way off and I have also tried to see it from their point of view. Also I would think that these kinds of stories would probably get more embarrassing and also more tributary if you put the emphasis on something that was more nearly like lying or stealing or maybe something that would seem to be either sneaky or stompish instead of only this very smoked up business about whatever school grades.<br />
<br />
And also it is hard to imagine how anyone could get her school grades interpreted that way without getting angery about it --or something like that anyway.<br />
<br />
And did'nt you ever hit back for it somehow?


spank me if you feel you could teach me right from wrong email me at medics999'gmail.com

Hi Paul,<br />
A well balanced contribution. Thanks for your insight.<br />
Excellent questions.<br />
My last school caning was when I was 17.<br />
<br />
Hello Caroline.<br />
How are you doing?

Hi Balletgirl,<br />
<br />
What an interesting topic. I am male, much the same age as you and during my childhood I was spanked by my parents and slippered and caned at my mixed sex boarding school. Unlike you, my parents never hit me with an implement and although I cannot recall the last spanking they gave me, I certainly wasn't spanked by them beyond the age of 10 or 11. At school I only got the cane once, aged 12 but slipperings were quite a regular occurence, my last being when I was about 14. However, girls at my school were totally exempt from corporal punishment, so it is therefore intriguing to hear the perspective of a female who was caned in her teenage years.<br />
<br />
You do seem to have very mixed feelings about your childhood discipline On the one hand I sense a little resentment towards your Mother, yet on the other you seem to acknowledge that the mere threat of the cane played a valuable role in keeping you and your sisters on the straight and narrow in the absence of a Father figure. I wonder how you come to terms with that? <br />
<br />
From the outside looking in it does seem that your Mother was perhaps too harsh. I personally don't like the thought of chastising children if they don't attain certain grades at school or in their ballet exams. On the other hand, as a single Mother it is understandable that she would not want to have her authority undermined by acts of disodedience or disrespect. Does that mean I think she was right to cane you? Well as you say they were different times so it is perhaps difficult for our generation to judge fairly.<br />
<br />
One other thing. You say that your canings were both painful and humiliating. In this respect, was there an element of ritual about the process that made it more so? Did you have to undress to be caned for example? Are there any particular punishments that bring back especially painful memories and do you recall how old you were when you got your final caning? <br />
<br />
Apologies if these questions are too intrusive.<br />
<br />

Caroline, thanks for enlightening me. I earned all my canings, especially the few severe ones. They kept me out of bigger trouble.<br />
I agree 100% with you! I also believe that caning must be administered, only if nothing else is appropriate. Thus for low school marks, the reason must first be determent and the pupil helped with whatever. For the ballet exam NO!, definitely not!! Abuse can very easily occur. If you read my stories you'll see, i was a naughty boy. <br />
I'm from South Africa and CP was/is used frequently here.

Balletgirl,<br />
It seems to me that you don't negative feelings or grudges about. I benefited from all mine.<br />
<br />
Leighmarie, <br />
I'm so sorry to hear about your abuse and I can see it left scares on you. Tell these things to the Lord Jesus and ask Him to help you to forgive your mom.

Im a victim of child abuse so I relate,but I was the only one she cracked,ha ha(tried too)+i break the chains through my daughter+it heals me to see my girl free from deciept and out right lies.I had lotza feelings that did'nt relate coz of Family secrets LM

Family secrets are killers, I hope you are managing to sort it all out now and I wish you luck in dealing with it.