First Swimming Adventure

I took my 7 month old swimming for the first time yesterday. I was terrified! But I put him in that tube all the same. He was confused at first, but then he began to slap the water with his tiny fingers, and talking to it with his many "ooh"s and "uugh"s. We took little breaks to the canopy so that he wasn't over exposed to the sun, and so that he wouldn't become bored because he does get bored easy. But this story is actually about me.

A friend was with us, and she jumped in to get the shock of the cold water out of her bones. At that moment, I realized how much I've changed. At some point, I wouldn't have cared about certain things. I would have just jumped in without a care! No, I have to take my time, make sure everything is in order, put on sunblock, go back to the diaper bag 5 times to make sure I have everything we need in the pool, and try not to get my hair wet. Why not get my hair wet? Well, I had my hair done (black and blue) as a gift from my husband for our aniversary. Everytime I wash my hairI lose so much blue! And I went to bed with wet hair, yup, I died my pillow! So I didn't want to turn the water blue, or my hair green. It's a stupid thing to keep me from having fun. I do feel that it's not about me. My son, his safety, and his enjoyment are my only concerns. But I also think I should be able to have fun too. Everytime I turn around, there's some stupid little thing keeping me from having fun. Somehow, I turned into the party pooper. Someone offers me a drink and I say no. Even though I probably won't get intoxicated, I don't want to take the chance when I'm caring for my son.

I feel like the social pariah, too oc and too weird to hang out with. It's ok. I get a little sad sometimes because I don't have many friends, but my son is more important and I'll have time for all that crap later.

Motherhood has changed me in other ways as well. One way I have recently realized is watching movies and shows. I realized it when I watched 1408 again. It had been a while, but when he saw his dead daughter, that scene tugged my soul! Scenes like that never bothered me before, but now that I am a mother I understand such pain. It makes ke think what I would if something ever happened to my son. I also used to be a very selfish person, and in some ways I still am but my selfishness is now limited like never before. I think that's a great thing. It's not all about me anymore. My day to day life is all about him and his daddy! I still get me in there sometimes though. I have to or I might go nutts. Lol
FellidayaFiresong FellidayaFiresong
36-40, F
Sep 6, 2012