Hurt Before Xmas

I'm 31, gave two beautiful children that I raise by myself. I know I should be very prof. But this week, right before xmas, I was completely degraded by twpeople very close to me. My boyfriend of two years seemed almost perfect. Things happened very quickly between us., basically I got pregnant very soon. After the baby was born, I allowed him to move in. We never fought. He helped with both my son and my seven year old daughter from a previos relationship. About three months ago, he started to have money problems and turned into a monster. He never abused me physically, but u felt it was only a matter of time. I decided that we needed space and made him leave. We went to counseling and had our UPS and downs but things were getting better. We started spending more time together and he would call me 50 times a day to tell me he loves me. This past week I found out he not only made a pass at my cousin, but she continued to text him back and forth for an hour. She didn't do anything. But she never told him she was telling. So I'm thinking she didn't want him to stop.she also didn't tell me for two days. The worst part is that he won't admit to it. He swears it was his friend that usedhis phone. I know I didn't do anything, but I can't help but feel they both made a fool out of me. I am hurting so bad. It's not like it is a stranger and I could avoid her. She is having xmas dinner with my family tonight. Should I tell her not to come. I am done with him. I know I deserve better thanthis. But I still hurt so bad. I have two kids so I . need to be strong for them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I hope the more I talk about it, the less dirty I feel. can someone please tell me why I am feeling so dirty.
feelsodirty feelsodirty
3 Responses Dec 25, 2011

I had similar cheating experience with my boyfriend and with my husband both. So I had no choice to understand from their mind why do they do it. My boyfriend was a jerk but my husband is very smarter jerk and knows that it will be his loss if we get separated. After 3 years of drama and 4 years of paing, it took me 7 long years to come out of my safety zone and try to feel and think the way cheaters feel and think. I started thinking and doing the same thing what he had been doing. So basically I understood that they do not want to compromise with what they have, they are trying to cherish life and enjoy it to the fullest. I have cheated multiple times now and I liked the thrill, the variety and the comfort I received. Well it always does not work with all your sex partners but sometime you hit jackpot. But I loved it. Now I can understand how my husband thinks and he is very jealous because he is not able to find good sex partners while I have become a pro in it. He has to settle with the prostitutes while I rock on with the best minded successful mens, freakin hot. The transition was not easy and it took me very long time. But now I love the new me. Remember life is all about evolution, break the barrier and come out of it. You will love yourself, you will feel more confident and most of all free. And ofcourse deny all accusations of cheating by anyone, just like your partner does, never agree that you cheated even if you got caught just make some excuses. Its a done deal - take it or leave it and stick to it!

very complicated... could you be a little more specific..

you feel disrespected. because it sounds like you put up with a lot of crap. you didn't do anything wrong and you do deserve better.