...but I Didn't Leave Him.

We were engaged... he cheated on me with an old fling... we didn't break up and I'm not always sure whether that was the right decision.  We're supposed to get married next fall.  I've forgiven him for having sex with her... it's the lying that just kills me and re-building trust is really hard.


EP has really helped me to open up to strangers, which is helping me open up to the people in my "outside" life.  Cameron (my fiance) and I have spent a great deal of time talking in the past... week (is it really only a week?) or so since I started using EP.  Thanks to advice from people all over the site, I've been able to ask him questions and get several serious, and seriously helpful conversations going.  It's going to be a rocky path... but I believe that we will make it.  While I certainly do not blame myself for his cheating on me, I know now that, at that time, we were both neglecting each other and seeking comfort elsewhere - I never cheated, but I definately stopped considering him my best friend and stopped telling him about many of the important things in my life because I was spending so much time with a guy friend at school.  We have both come to the realization that we have to work to maintain a relationship and, hopefully, we will both be able to do that.  Rebuilding trust will definately be the hardest part, but now that I am more comfortable broaching the topic with him, things will begin to get easier.  Thanks to everyone who offered their support and advice!

Chanteuse1984 Chanteuse1984
26-30, F
4 Responses Jun 6, 2007

I'm going through the same situation myself. My story is almost as the same as yours except it was not a old fling it was someone new. We had a son at the time. I had no idea it happened until 2 Yeats later and I had already had my 2nd son. It hurt real bad. But I had to think about my kids in the situation. Do I decided to marry him because of my kids. I know not a good reason, I know that now. I wish I was strong enough to leave him because I cant seem to forgive all the lies he told me.

Being able to give someone a second chance - that reflects your magnanimity. In a way, it will also subtly tell him how forgiving you are and how you will never be able to stoop low.<br />
It's hard... i broke up with someone a while ago...he was engaged to another girl almost, while he flirted and dated me. It was a rude shock. The relationship did not last more than a month. I still think about him and all his goodness...but feel too bitter to get in touch with him again. Recently he sent me a mail, informing me about his scheduled engagement, but I could never bring mys elf to reply....I guess I still need to go a long way in the road of forgiveness.<br />
But, I will always wish him well. No doubt.<br />
P.S: Your post reminds me of a personal issue, I 'm badly tring to battle. I shall maybe put it up in my blog ...I've been looking for solutions..and I'd be thrilled to know your two cents.

glad to see that EP has helped! All the best, definitely do not get into marriage until it's absolutely 100% that the foundations are um, titanium solid!

Best of luck to you. Remember, if you feel in your gut you shouldn't marry him, calling of the wedding is cheaper than a divorce.