In Need of Opinions:(

I am seventeen years old currently in a relationship with a guy who is 21 years old. When i met him he was the sweetest most innocent guy, he was scared out of his tree to even kiss me. Turned out he was a virgin. After a couple months i took his virginity (i had already been with 3 other guys) and we have been going steady and happy for the past year. The only problem within our relationship is that when he drinks he blacks out, never hits me or anything of that sort but we get in really dumb fights that end up getting pretty heated and serious. One night when we were drinking we got in a huge fight and i "broke up with him" in the heat of the moment, i left his *** behind with this girl and somehow ended up with his bestfriend. Me and my boyfriends best friend ended up staying at my friend alexs house, nothing happened between us what so ever he just needed to stay somewhere that night. That same night my boyfriend let this chick that he has known for quite sometime (its weird but her mom dated his dad and they even lived together back when he was a sweet little virgin) but anyways apparently she had no where to stay that night and stayed there. I knew she stayed there and questioned him about it now that i think about it he seemed kinda uncomfortable with me questioning him but said she stayed in the other room. I just found out yesterday that they ended up having sex that night, he promises me he can hardly remember it and has regreted it ever since and it has ate him up inside. he said he couldnt hurt me, and knew that one day he was going to ask me to marry him and that he would have to confess but just couldn't break it to me. I tried to break up with him but he started crying and said i was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he couldnt ask for more, and if i could just give him one more chance he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I think i trust it wont happen again, but just put yourself in my position, regardless you personal experience with men, and picture an actual genuine sweetheart and if he begged and cried to you for one more chance, would you?
kristie66 kristie66
18-21, F
17 Responses Jun 25, 2007

Break up with him, don't be a fool. Every girl I've had sex with, I remember, no matter how wasted I was. Besides, he didn't tell you right away, they both lied or denied it!

Sure give him another shot. Don't be too easy on him, but don't guilt trip him all the time either. You two can work your way through it.<br />
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You have to consider, you had had opportunities to be with other people before him. I think your damned lucky to have gotten yourself a virgin male! So what if he had a quickie with some bimbo. Probably was drunken and awkward and completely lame. And if there were emotions involved it would be obvious. Clearly he's into you and only you,

I can't tell you if I would stay with him because i don't know the guy. If I did stay with him I would ask him to quit drinking if he blacks out like that.

sorry, being blunt is my thing<br />
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I don't think you should be with him, you are his first, and he already ventured of and he probably liked it. ..But who am I to judge..maybe if he is really sincere you guys can try to take some time off and date other people and see what happens.

thanks everyone for the great advice! well from almost everybody some people just like to meddle and think they know everything... but besides that there has been really good advice given, and of course i made the decision on my own and didnt really use any of it but its just always reassuring to know what other people would do, but anyways me and my boyfriend are still together going on a year and a half and the trust factor has almost been built up again and everything is going well so i dont really need anymore advice feel free to offer more but please keep it to what im asking for, i dont need to hear anymore about what i'm doing wrong personally in my life and things along those lines. thanks.

You do not need help you need someone to side with you. You are in denial. Get going if you are so grown so mature you should not be offended. You would accept responsibility and keep walking. Why do you need to put up with that. The man/boy needs help. If you do not address it now do you think in five years it will change. Child please.

I do believe that cheating can be forgiven and moved past if it is a one-time occasion and both people are willing to work towards fixing it. I believe it can be done because my fiance and I have done it.<br />
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However, I do think that it requires a great deal of patience and endurance and cooperation. You must be willing to forgive him and to work to trust him again, just as he must work to rebuild your trust in him. It's a difficult road and it can be a long one.<br />
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Feel free to let me know if you would like more implicit advice. Best of luck, whatever path you choose!

i got it now. you are too young yes i said it to be entertaining that kind of drama in your life drunkardness and violence. At 21 do you know how young, attractive, sexy you should be feeling., not burdened down with silly issues of a man/boy. When will you get the time to focus on the education you are expecting to achieve, when you have to be concerned about a distructive relationship Grow up.

why do you think you are so offended, because the truth hurts. Yeah at 22 I was married. I also hold a degree in Marketing. Got it while working. Until you are holding that degree do not own it nor claim it. I am not your mother nor am i trying to be, but slow your role maybe i need to re read you letter and then comment

Oh and structure and ambition... I am attending university next year for a degree in psychology... I will be 18 years old, 22-23 when i finish. And i need structure? Pff where were you and what were you doing with your life when you were 22. God people **** me off!

Oh come on NOW. Please don't waste my time by posting a comment telling me how you think i'm immature and what i should do with my life. I'm not asking for you stupid opinions of what you think of me, I'm only asking what you would do in that situation. SO anyone calling ME immature, grow up I don't need you to mother me through some internet website I have a mom, and I am my own person, I'm a big girl I don't need to be told that I'm immature or what i should be doing with myself. I'd also like to thank sarboo she actually had some positive input that i could put to use in real life, and she didn't repsond to me like im some sex hungry teenager. Thank you.

You r already in the situation, but why at seventeen so young and immature you are in such an unhealthy relationshiop. Do you have any goals for yourself besides sex, sex, and more sex. Four men come on now. Your life is already filled with drama and is has not even begun, Free yourslf from that young man he needs help and you need some structure in your life.

It shouldn't matter how old you are or how much experience at life you have. Age is only a number. I experienced a great amount of things by the age of 17 and had already been through several relationships. Even now that I am older, it has always been the same, nothing changes as you grow or age, only that you learn from life and your experiences. My current relationship reminds me of the one I was in, back in high school- men don't seem to change much! Don't let anyone put you down because of your age or tell you that you are still young and there will be plenty more guys/relationships out there.......follow your heart and do what you think is best. What's the worst that can happen- you will only learn from it. Good luck and stay strong!

You know what I would give him a second chance, maybe it is true love, maybe its not, but you won't know unless you give it one more try.

Thank you everyone for your advice, but please if there is more to be given stick to the advice i am asking for. And don't bring up maturity level i find that to be a personal blow. When it comes down to it yea, you might be older you may have seen more but just because i am a young adult does not mean i am not able to make right choices or have the maturity level of someone who may be 25. I am only asking for what YOU would do in that situation. Thanks.

I believe people can change if they want to so everyone deserves a second chance, but why are you so paranoid when you were a little cheater yourself. I also do not like the fact that at seventeen you have slept with five guys. Slow down put the energy into the books. Sex is beautiful and enjoyable when shared with the person you are in love with and they the same to you.

I do agree w/ FadingLight that "everyone deserve a second chance" But for me it will depend if after all you can still trust him and also try to listen whatsoever your heart says.<br />
It's a different story w/ yours but still matters w/ trust.I broke up w/ my boyfriend few weeks ago but after few days we settled our issue together because of the reason that i really love him.I prefered to give him another chance because that's how I feel.Take Care :)