I Was Cheated On By My Husband

Please Wake Me Up...

By: bulldogsmom

Written on June 9th, 2012

i was the lady at the lunch table that always said her husband would never cheat. he wasnt raised that way. boy was i naive....i found out 2 months ago that my husband had cheated on me. i feel like every morning i wake up i relive that it is really true all over again. its a horrible realization every single day, over and over again. he attends college and he had met a girl there in a class. i found this out through facebook as he was never interested in it until she came around. i noticed on his profile that this girl kept making comments and i asked who she was. of course, he keep saying she was a classmate. other things came up like him always having his phone in his hand, texting constantly, and he started hanging out with new friends, which before this he barely left home. i took my son to a hockey tournament one weekend and on facebook this girl had commented that she went out to eat with this guy she really liked with my husband's name. she talked about how much she loved him and hoped he would leave his wife. i confronted him and he denied the whole thing. he left to visit his brother the next day for 5 days and took our boys with him. during this trip, he decides to call and confess to me that he slept with her. only once he said cuz he was lonely and drinking. we had been not getting along well and he felt that i didnt love him anymore. now this girl has got it in her mind that he is going to leave me and be with her. she threatened to kill herself if he didnt leave me. she is 21, a presription drug addict, and works at a buffet. what a loser!!! meanwhile, i help him with his schoolwork, am enrolled in college myself, and work 2 jobs. what could she have to offer??? how could he find that attractive?? i am still in total shock. we have been together for 19 years and the thought of him leaving is devastating. he came home from the trip and begged for forgiveness. he spent the whole trip texting and calling me to talk and promise to not throw him out. i love him and dont want him to go. i really believe he loves me but how do i let him go to school and go out with his friends again? how can i feel that if are fighting he isnt going to go find another woman again? he says that he doesnt want her and will just die if he cant be with his family. i dont want my boys (11) to be in a broken home. i cant talk about this with anyone cuz i dont want people to hate him and be uncomfortable. him leaving hurts as much as him staying. i love him but am feeling that i am letting him off too easily for what he did to me. i feel like my heart is breaking.....

By: bulldogsmom

Age: 36-40 , Female

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18 responses

Thurley0818

@bulldogsmom
My husband has major issues with lust. He just confessed that he saw a woman that "was much thinner than you, with large breasts, and a big ***", and was "exceptionally beautiful" that he had to consciously make an effort not to lust after. I feel like no matter how good I look, or how great I am in bed he'll always have wandering eyes. This just breaks my heart. There are plenty of better looking men out there, but I only have eyes for him. Why can't he feel like that for me?!

Oct 3, 2012
1 like
- bulldogsmom
  my major issue now is that he breaks all his promises to me and the kids. he has always done it, like "ill play ball with you" then he doesnt. mine is "we need to be closer" then ignores me for the football game or "i agree we should have sex more often" then says no everytime i ask. i feel so unloved. he always says he is going to do better then doesnt. just last week he said he would plan to be alone with me for 30 mins on wednesdays and saturday night,. sex or just talking. guess what... he hasnt followed through with it once! what a surprise! i love him and i dont want anyone else, i would just rather be alone. why does he do this to me? to my face its talk talk talk but he never backs up what he says. im growing really tried of it.
  
  Oct 10, 2012
  1 like
- Thurley0818
  Im divorcing him. He's had every opportunity to make things right, and he hasnt. It will take me years to get over him, but eventually I will. I'm leaving in two weeks. I hope that things work out for you.
  
  Oct 11, 2012
  1 like
- HeSlayYourBanjo
  Drop him. A guy passing up sex probably needs some help, that is not normal in a happy, healthy man.
  
  Oct 15, 2012
  1 like
- Thurley0818
  @heslayyourbanjo
  That's because he's getting it elsewhere!
  
  Oct 15, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
Thurley0818

The girl that my husband cheated with was only 18 years old. She lied and told him that she was 22. She even gave him a false name. She is an alcoholic, a member of a motorcycle gang, and used to sell drugs. She has a bad reputation for being the town *****. My husband ****** this girl, and did not wear a condom! We still don't know if we contracted any STDs. She participated in a murder or so she told my husband. When he broke it off with her she put a hit out on his life. I'm a strong, beautiful, and educated woman in a honored profession. He has always been intimidated by that. He chose a girl that is among the lowest life forms that Ive ever come across. He told me that once when they were out she urinated all down her leg, and didn't even care. I said that's so gross how could you **** her. He said that he would make her take a shower. I still can't believe that he would pick a girl like that! I guess both of our husbands didn't want to risk rejection from a play thing, because truly that's what they were!

Oct 2, 2012
1 like
- bulldogsmom
  good lord, what a story! i truely know how you feel it is so painful. we have made alot of progress in 5 months. i go to therapy and that has helped alot. we are stronger now since this happened but it takes alot of work and understanding on my part. are you trying to work it out? good luck to you, always remember that there are some of us out here that feel your pain. stay strong
  
  Oct 2, 2012
  1 like
ohmyc0dd

i was cheated on too. after 4 years together and one month after our first wedding anniversary. The cheating did not stop until 3 months later when she quit her job and moved on. Unless she is out of the picture , the contact will not stop. Think about this way, if that was you cheating and you so decided to stop and reconnect in your relationship , wouldn't you do everything you could to get away from the person you cheated with?.. took me a long time to realize it . i am still with my husband and that all happened last september-november. But looking back I didn't see how naive I was being. I resorted to installing a spy ware on his phone and it just made me unhappy. You won't be happy unless you know for a fact she is out of the picture. If you need any more help just messege me

Jul 30, 2012
1 like
- bulldogsmom
  thanks for ur thoughts. all the opinions i have received, negative or positive all have merit. we are really trying to work things out and things are good. the negative thoughts and mistrust on my part still linger. she is really gone and i believe that. he has given me no indication that he has spoken to her again since the day he told me that he told her goodbye forever. he deleted everything in front of me and swore that he would never think of her again. i appreciate your thought of turning the table to me and how i would feel to get things back to good. the only friend i told had cheated on her husband 15 years ago. i didnt know this when i went to her to pour my heart out. she helped me see things from the other side, as she realized what she did and had to dig her way out. i hear u and im trying to not have my doubts. everyday i feel he loves me but also, everyday, still remember what he did and feel that maybe something is still a lie. email anytime :)
  
  Jul 30, 2012
  1 like
Ginny04

I can so empathize with you x

Found out my hubby of 20 yrs had affair for 3 months with a work colleague! Devastated is not the word, like you have told no one as know my family will turn against him if they find out!

I found out in feb this year and still struggle daily with my feelings! We fall out alot and somedays I wonder is it worth it! I want to tell him to leave, I Want revenge but also still love him, message me if you need to talk, hope you work it out x

Thinking of you

Jul 17, 2012
2 likes
- bulldogsmom
  i feel just like you do. my self esteem was never great and it has realy suffered. i feel like everything is my fault because im ugly, fat, whatever. that is crazy!! u cant help but feeling that they did this because ur inadequate when in reality is happened due to their insecurities. i still struggle every day and wake up each day with the realization all over again that this happened to me. its nice to have people to talk to.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- Ginny04
  Don't ever blame yourself!
  It's not your fault! I know you still will as I did,I did lose a stone in weight as felt so sick I couldn't eat.
  We are talking alot now, something we had slightly lost as both busy working parents, but don't think I will ever feel the same again, part of me has been destroyed and our marriage will never be the same! X
  
  Jul 18, 2012
  1 like
- bulldogsmom
  its hard not to blame yourself even tho u know u didnt make him do this. things are good and we are staying together for the right reasons but it will be a loong time before i dont dwell on it anymore. we lost each other big time with our kids taking over our lives, not to mention work and college. we allowed it to become broken and want to fix it. we are much better communicators now. at least some good could come out of my heart being broken.
  
  Jul 18, 2012
  1 like
ellietruth

i recently found out my husband was having an affair with a woman he met on a poker website. He says they never met, but the relationship was a sexual 1 using the computer and a secret phone. They were apparently 'in love' with each other. I found out when i found a love letter he had written 2 her in his work bag. My world collapsed at 16.05pm on wednesday 16th may 2012. He has ended it with her and he now says he loves only me but i find it hard to believe him. Like you, i wake up every day and it hits me all over again. The pain is almost physical. How do u start 2 rebuild after something like this?

Jul 17, 2012
3 likes
- bulldogsmom
  is it any comfort at all that they never met and touched at all? its seems it would be a little to me maybe. i know how hard it is to deal with the betrayal. everyday gets a bit easier but it will be a long time for me to forget, maybe never. i couldnt talk about this to anyone and it helps to be able to get it out.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
2012blueboy

Split up and take him to cort for all he owns.And don't let him see the kids.

Jun 23, 2012
2 likes
- justagirl85
  That is ridiculous. Why would you punish the kids for something he did?
  
  Oct 20, 2012
  1 like
deltadon

therapy.......more for you then him.......forgive.......but watch im like a hawk

Jun 23, 2012
3 likes

I Was Cheated On By My Husband

Please Wake Me Up...

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