I Still Love Him..

I've never stopped loving him. I may have hated him for a while and still hold hate towards him, but no I never stopped loving him.. We'll be married for just a year, Nov. 11th. I don't know how i'll get through these next few months. You see, he broke my heart. I found out he was having an affair that started 2 weeks before our wedding.. Two weeks! and lasted until December, when I found out. He had even invited her to our house on our wedding day and she got so sick and drunk that she fell asleep in our bed and threw up in it! And yet I still loved him. I believe i always loved him more than he loved me. I've heard marriages won't last or do well if the woman loves more than what the man does. I suppose it's true. I gave him everything. I gave him two children a boy and a girl. I work my *** off everyday so we have money to spend and food on the table. I've had the better job between us. So I made sure bills were paid. I let him go out with friends, i let him have friends over to play. We had great sex, maybe not as often as he would like but still. His lame excuse for having an affair was because I didn't trust him. I did, maybe not entirely and completely but I did. Otherwise how could I be so heartbroken when I found out? I was going to give him what he wanted for the longest time, me. To get married to me. I never wanted to be married. But i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. and he goes out and cheats on me! then has the audacity to stand up in front of me, in front of both our friends and family and lie to my face. To vow to be a good husband, to be only mine and then to find out he's keeping this massive secret from me!? He took away my freedom of choice by lying to me. Do you think I would still have married him if I knew before the wedding. NO. I hate him and I love him. I don't know how to move on from being hurt so badly. He's doing everything he can now to make it work. He lets me check his phone, i have all his emails. He sits and takes every time i yell at him or get angry with him. Or he holds me when I'm crying. Does anyone know if it gets better?
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Sep 11, 2012

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Dear girl,
You are really really a good wife.If i am in your shoes i would kick him out and give him a black eye.If you want to make this marriage work, he has to do something.First, he has to work harder to support the family.@ nd..get it from him personally that you are the one and only -he MUST rather YOU must always be on his mind always.If he cannot put you first after GOD ..there is no point.I am a man ..if I want to cheat, iwill find a way...you cannot stop me.But I can stop myself..and I CHOOSE to stop myself so that I can be true to my beloved wife.