Deep Burning Anger

Hate is such a controversial word & feeling. But when it hits you personally, screw what the professionals say. My husband cheated on me. Worse than cheating is how I let his actions make me a fool. I cannot find the words to describe the hate I felt for that man when I found out. He denied denied denied & did his best to convince me that I was a "pyscho" "overly jealous" "idiot" "stupid *****" etc etc etc. His story now is that "it was only words, no sex"
I caught him in bed with some girl. I found hundreds of emails from cheaters websites & craigslists ads. More texts than I can remember as well.
I have gone thru many stages of grief in dealing with this. And honestly all I want is to not give a crap anymore. I want to care less about someone who cared even less about me.
Society downplays a man betraying his wife. The judgement is much harsher if it's the woman who cheats..We as women are the worst at playing in to that attitude. I think cheating & the lying that goes along with it shows weak character.
I look forward to the day I'm on my own & not victimizing myself with hate & bitterness that I still have.
Courage is hard to maintain..we are all imperfect..My confession tonight is that I've told him I would forgive & believe in him that he wouldn't go down that path again. But now I'm the liar.
cloudy2 cloudy2
36-40
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

Sometimes you just have to lie until you, yourself believes it. I wish you luck.