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Emotionally Cheated On By My Husband.

my husband and i have been married for a year. before we had gotten married things were a little bit rocky meaning he had talked to other girls.. i had forgiven him for that and we ended up moving far away because he is in the military. we were perfectly fine so it seemed. we had a beautiful baby boy.. until one day i had logged into his email, and saw that since we had moved he had posted things on craigslist and replied to womens posts about meeting up and hanging out. i noticed he had also signed up onto a couple websites to meet other people. i read through some messages where he had told them he wasnt married. and had no children. and that he could meet up with them and fill all their fantasies. i had immediatly flipped out and called him and told him i wanted a divorce. he claimed he would kill himself if i took his son away and left him.. he was crying and told me he loved me and our son and didnt want me to go anywhere. being the fool that i was, i believed him. so i stayed. here i am today. a couple days later and thats all i can think about is if hes going out to meet other girls. he has stepped up and been a better husband/dad but its only been a couple days.
just wondering if there will be hope in our relationship.. and if i will ever get over this feeling of pain.
hereisali2 hereisali2 18-21 5 Responses Oct 2, 2012

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So he gets angry when you bring up the affair? He had become a great dad and husband? He seems more concerned about where you are going, and with who? Somehow you never made to to counseling? Not respecting the pain you went through us selfish, he IS STILL TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT HE'S NOT A PIECE IF ****! Being a better husband is father is to get you on board to violate your trust again. Your back to being happy and trusting. He seems concerned or paranoid if what your up to, sounds sweet but he wants to make sure that he is NOT ON YOUR RADAR AGAIN or getting even by having an affair yourself. He knows the pain YOU went through, and knows he could never stomach your betrayal. You never went to counseling because he does not want the truth out. Funny things happen in those offices, all the lies he told you never really added up, and you would be able to poke a lot of holes in his dishonest story telling. Also, should you get him there, he will say awful things like I went to go get attention cause you were SO busy with the baby, or you don't give me enough sex, or your too good for me and I always try to self sabatoge myself because I'm insecure. You are young, run and run some more. Your baby boy is going to witness his mother being disrespected, and he will repeat this behavior. WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM.

I just found out yesterday about an affair he had 2 years ago. We've been married going on 4 years, and we have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl. Your story is so similar to mine. I found out by reading his facebook messages. I tricked him into telling me the truth. Now I don't know what to do. I told him I wasn't going to leave him and I still love him. He's already trying to pretend it never happened and go back to the way things were but I cannot think of anything else. I feel like I am enabling him to think what he did is excusable by being so understanding.

i felt the same way. i felt like me forgiving him was like me saying its okay what you did. i wanted to make him feel bad so he didnt think what he did was right. he told me that he knew what he did was wrong. i still occasionally check his emails. and whenever he is texting i ask him who it is, and what they are talking about. but i feel like i have every right too. and you do aswell. im honestly glad i stayed with him. since hes been trying more, he has been an amazing husband. and a better father. (he also tried to act like nothing happened) and he doesnt like to talk about it. but its kinda a good thing. since i have found out, i still think about it.. but that feeling does go away.. mine already has started too. it just depends on if you REALLY want to work it out or not. because if you dont, deep in your heart... then nothing will change that.. and you need to leave.

For anybody wondering, my husband and i are trying to work things out. it hasnt been that long since i found it out, and it still crosses my mind everyday.. but i am learning to handle it better. when we are arguing about something else its hard not to throw what he did back in his face.. but i have come to realize that i love this man. and i made a commitment to not only him, but our son aswell. i couldnt be happier with the decision i made

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I am also trying to sort things out with my girlfriend and see if I can once again trust her after 4 years of being together. I think the best thing is to talk about the relationship, talking about everything makes it better in my opinion. I'm sure you know that trust is hard to get back. I think sharing your story here is a great step forward. I want to stay with my girlfriend because of how happy she makes me when times are good. Can you see yourself ever being happy in that relationship again? Just remember that this was not one small, stupid mistake. He planned a lot of things which could be classed as cheating if he went through with them. - From what I understand. One thing I can say is do not trust him again just because he is telling you that you can trust him. Trust him because you believe him.

when i am with him, everything is perfect. im super happy. but when i try to talk about it, he gets really angry and walks away or says "i already apologized stop bringing it up" and its just that i didnt get the answers i wanted from him, and that frustrates me. the part about trusting him again really opened my eyes. i dont want to keep checking his email and asking who he is texting.. but i feel it is my right considering, what he did. and he says he wants to get counseling.. so i mean i feel like hes really wanting to make things right.

Hey friend, your husband really sounds like he is making an effort. I have gone through a betrayal just recently as well. My husband is making a supreme effort to get things back on track. It's me who get's stuck on the why's, when's, how come's and what if it happens again? The fact that your husband wants to go to counseling is great! Get some help, a good therapist will help you figure out to some degree what went wrong and how you both can prevent things from happening again. You are right, you cannot live like a policeman over him and he would really resent you for that. Do the things that need to be done to repair trust (counseling, etc.) and time will tell if he has been genuinely sorry for what he has done. Thanks for being an inspiration and sticking with your husband through this.

i remember being stuck on it.. and sometimes i still think about it.. but i think about how my son will be much happier with his dad in his life than the other way around.. we never ended up going to counseling.. but things seemed to work out themselves. its gotten to the point where he is moreso paranoid about where im going or who im talking to. and he questions me all the time, but... im learning to get over it. hope you and your husband work things out and can remember why you fell in love in the first place..