Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Being Back Home.

My story starts with I got married to my best friend of seven years, who also is a US Sailor. After the near separation by the navy, he was looking at a chance of being stationed in Japan. We got married 2/17/12. I moved 7 hours away to his command, after about a month of living together he was informed of his upcoming deployment. He left on June 20, we were fine until right at three months into the deployment. I woke up and waited on my email, which was normal for me, that morning expecting just the regular chit chat that always started my day I received the news that shattered my world. He was caught having sex with a girl from his department and was looking at a dishonorable discharge. He has begged me to stay, swore that it was a one time thing, and has told me that he didn't want to lose me. It's now a month later, I chose to stay to try to work through it, he is being allowed to stay in since he is trained to work on the nuclear reactors. The stress has been unbelievable, it's made my heart condition worsen, my hair is turning gray and thinning. My self image is ruined, all I can think about is how she was probably 'sexier' than me, how her body was probably smaller and more fit. It turned my appetite off completely the thought of eating makes me sick, I've lost a lot of weight very quickly. I hate everything about myself, because of a choice he has made. My question is, how do I cope, and move on from this as a person?
Thewifebackhome Thewifebackhome 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 31, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Love yourself. You are with him because you want to be and not because you need to be., Find what makes you happy and GO for it.

I've been there, but you are giving him power over you. Well, I say fu(k THAT... You decide how you react to him, and you need to let him have his problems my dear. Do NOT make them yours. He cheated because he has esteem issues or something going on in his head that you can not be responsible for. If you want to be fit - get fit for you. In the end, it doesn't matter how fit or how beautiful you are. It doesn't matter how nice and kind and smart you are - trust me I know from experience.

My husband was threatened because he thought I would find someone smarter and better because I was going to school, because I am driven, successful, intelligent, relatively pretty, and a beautiful person.

My advice to you - figure out what you want to do with your life and do it. If he wants to come along for the ride and follow the rules - fine. If he is dragging you down - drop him. You are the author of your own happiness, and when my husband does stupid sh!t, I remind myself that those are his burdens not mine. He is reminded when he steps too far out of line that I do NOT have to deal with his drama. Sometimes you just have your fill my dear. You will know when you are there. Don't let anyone push you to a decision you are not ready for.

But you need to decide to life NOW. Live for YOU. You only get one life. You are beautiful just the way you are, but no one can love you until YOU love you. So, start loving you. Start doing what makes you happy. I guarantee you have a talent, a gift that is unique to you. Whatever it is - pursue it. Love you, and you will draw love and happiness to you. You get whatn you put out. Start putting out sunshine sweet woman, and make good friends.

Since you posted back in Oct. I doubt you will read this. However, I will attempt to share some insight. I have battled with my husband over an emotional affair. Yours was physical, and they are painful no matter what! Before you can ask anything of him, you have some work to do yourself. Read up on forgiveness, and if there is a single point that you can agree on, then you MAY HAVE A FUTURE WITH HIM. Next, move to trust. TRUST IS EARNED and is very valuable. Set a timeline of earning your trust. All this while you work on forgiving too. You can convince yourself of almost anything. Marriage is the agreement between 3 braided strands. Your, his, and god. Back to the word convince. You need to convince yourself that this is in gods hands. To convince, to believe.... Would be your faith. Grow in your relationship with god. He will expect you to be involved in the healing process.... Of yourself. You can fill yourself with a lot of self pity and self loathing. You are better than this! You are a child of god, and you are meant for greatness. Never play small, never dummy down, and never lower your standards for non believers. Raise your awareness of your gifts, talents, value, and inside beauty. Move away from anger and vengeance, they will bury you. Your last resort is ending your marriage. Your exit clause is there for broken hearts that don't mend. God is very aware of what you are going through..... Lean on others that support marriage. Even people within your church will encourage attempting to save the marriage. You JUST MIGHT WANT TO SAVE YOURSELF, and no one would ever think less of you, INCLUDING YOURSELF!

He's been deployed before, the last one was for 11 months, and from various witnesses he remained faithful to me while we were engaged. But I don't know why this was different. I teach dance and that fills a lot of my time, as well as my photography. I've just lost the motivation to do anything.

never let someone get you that down. It was his mistake not yours. You need to really think, after being away just three months he cheated? you need space and really think if you wanna live this life. If he cheated once he'll cheat again. fill your time with work,read, find hobbies. Your beautiful do not let someone steal your joy.