He Had An Affair And I Want Revenge!

I won't bore you with all the details - so here are the highlights.
>I suspected he was having an affair and confronted him. Of course, he denied it. This went on for 2 years until the other woman called me. It was also an attempt to get me to leave him since he wouldn't leave me for her.
>I reached out to family. They encouraged us to try to work things out. We met at 15, married at 23 and have been married 18 years now.
>My husband expressed his love for me, said he was sorry and wanted to work it out. I believed him.
>He lost his job. Oh by the way, they worked together. I asked if he lost his job because of her. He denied it. But I suspect otherwise.
>She continued to call me. Said they were still seeing each other. He denied it. Fed up I went to her house. He was there. I slapped her and was arrested for assault - spent the night in jail. Have a misdemeanor on my record. I have never been in trouble before. I am embarrassed and ashamed.
>He still wants to work it out. I accepted him back.
>I am miserable. I am disappointed in myself for taking him back. I am disappointed in myself for still loving him. I am disappointed, disappointed, disappointed in myself.
>Everyday I look at him I am disgusted. He cheated on me. Treated my life sh**. He is out of work. And, to be honest, I don't know if the affair is over!

So, I want revenge. I know it's not right, but somehow I think it may make me feel better. I created a profile on Match.com and on an interracial site for white men dating black women. It is what it is.
Pray4change Pray4change
41-45, F
7 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Wow the best revenge is to not cheat because once you do it you wont feel as good about yourself as you thought you would.I would just show him that you have all that and some more of what that lady has without saying so.Like I told betrayedforever. Look your best not saying that you all don't at this time but keep it extra snappy.My husband has never cheated on me he tried to talk to other girl when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend ,but I told him that I don't have to be with him even though I love him i rather you happy then miserable with me.But that was nipped in the bud instantly.I have always looked my best but then I dressed extra nice (spandex), natural makeup,hills,oh and going to the gym,lots of alone time and when we go out I'll top it off with great charm.So at that point my boyfriend at the time now husband kept me closer than his own heart.Warning : when men want something they will never stop until they get what they want

I'm in the same situation. We are trying to repair our marriage but...I do feel that an action against the woman who knowingly started a relationship with my husband is required.
Marriage is a social and legal contract so any outsider who interferes should be legally accountable.
I don't see the reason of marriage being social and legal if there are no legal consequences for the person who steps between a married couple trying to destroy a family and even putting at risk human lives.
let's not forget how many tragedies happen when a spouse finds out that is cheated, often children lose their parents and all their lives go to chaos.
I was thinking to sue that woman for the pain, the hurt, the misery and deceiving I was put through. Sadly in this state there is no law to protect marriages and this lets me and so many others helpless and vulnerable.

If you found it, please share with me. I am in a similar situation.

Im so sorry for you and know what your going thru. I found out 3 months ago my husband was having an affair with a black woman 10 years his age. We are going thru therapy right now, but i cant get over it. This affair had been going on for 9 years with it starting at his work place. I cant sleep or go thru a day without anger and disgust of what he did to our marriage of 7 years.

You have a long ride ahead of you. I've been where you are and it is not fun. I encourage you to join a support group in your area. It did wonders for me. Best of luck to you.

I enjoy how you had to point out she was african american .you must be from an older generation.Cheating is wrong period ,does not matter the ethnicity or if they were male or female.Sorry about your cheating spouse it is horrible that men just can't stick to one .But as woman we will always will bring up there past to try and make them feel how we felt.But here is an exercise : try creating a girls night even if it's just you , put on some hills and something that shows off you beauty ,then go out and have the time of your life .He calls DO NOT ANSWER.Please do not drink to much just have fun dance .This shows him that he better be careful because you may have a tiger in you , men love an independent woman that sometimes are off limits.he better be careful or someone might just want to ****** you up. :) Good Luck Darling P.S Your African American Angel Just joking

You really nailed it, i hate me as much as him! Why did i take him back? Why do i love him? How did i not know? Ugh

I think revenge is one of the stages that we go through and i as well am at that stage and the only reason i havent done anything yet is because i am scared that revenge will cause me more pain then him! You took him back because deep down you want to beleive that the person you knew from 15 yrs old is not the scum he has proved to be!! please dont be disappointed in yourself, he doesnt deserve you!

Thank you for the kind words. I'm just so angry. I can't shut off my mind and my thoughts are crazy. It feels like I'm losing my mind


sammy7000 maybe im not the right person to give advice as im confused about my own situation, but reading other peoples life stories, feeling sad and wanting to give a word of encouragement, is that so wrong?...

I know it is wrong. I want to get revenge on my wife for hitting me and holding sex back it has been 3 yrs since I have been touched. But I still need to look myself in the mirror. I pray for peace for you god bless. Revenge isnt the answer.

Thank you. I know it's not the answer that I want but that is the only solution that keeps coming to mind.