Cyber Affairs

My story begins with this  computer I am using. We bought it in November 2005 because we figured it would really help our daughter with her schoolwork. It was our new toy, but I spent a lot more time on it than anyone. I would stay up late chatting with strange men well into the night. Sometimes the chats would be sexual in nature. I guess I did it because my husband and I were going through a lull in our marriage. All he did was work, come home, sleep. Nothing more. He would be asleep by 7pm every night. We could'nt talk about anything. he was suffering from depression and was angry all the time, or blanked out. Me? I was depressed too and ready to give up.  I tried to find some solace in the internet.What I really wanted to do was talk to him, not those creepy guys online.  It was not long before that too, became boring. But my husband had other ideas. He found some women to chat with online through a message board. I did not have a problem with that until I noticed he was always chatting with them. He would come home and before he took a shower or even talked to me he would be online, looking to see if they left a message. Well, one night after he had been online I got online and looked in the history files. I saw some love ecard some woman had sent him. I got hot. I  decided to check his mailbox. At that time we had each other's passwords. It was no problem. I looked in his mailbox and found a letter from some woman in KY with her phone number wanting him to call her. I also found e cards he had sent these women He never sent me an ecard.  When I confronted him about this he became livid. How could I violate his privacy.. I pretty much slunk away like a heel and apologized for it. But he still kept up with it. I also found on the computer that Yahoo Messenger saved all of the im conversations. I read through all of them and was shocked. He had been carrying on, cybering with women online, calling them on payphones and on his Nextel. I was so angry . We argued like cats and dogs and I moved out of the bedroom and slept on the sofa for months. I asked him to stop talking to those women and you know what? He told me no. Flat out no. They weren't doing anything so why should he stop talking to them? They were wrecking our freaking marriage, is what I said. But he kept it up, even bringing his ex girlfriend into the picture. In November he went out of town for his job and when he came back everything was normal. But  that day I just happened to check one of his online profiles and some woman had left a message saying something about him cheating on me. I said wtf?? and saw that this person was online. I asked her how she knew and she told me the whole story. He had met her sister in law in VA and slept with her just the night before. Ironically I did not flip right at that moment. I tried to be as understanding as I could be. I told him I knew and I said people make mistakes. But he was more angry at the woman he slept with because she told her sister in law than he was about doing something wrong. After that day there was never any peace. The understanding part was over. We had many fights and every time he refused to stop talking to these women. As far as I know there were 2 or three but there might even be more. When he went to visit his son in April he gave some strange woman online his hotel number so she could call him. We got into it about that too. And for each situation he would lie like nobody's business. Everything was a lie. I wish I could say things are all better. Eventually he stopped going online and he said he wanted our marriage to work out. But just a few weeks ago I got messages from his ex girlfriend saying he keeps calling her. I did not believe it until she showed me copies of the bill. he got mad again, at her, never himself, and although I did not jump on his case that much, I am still worried today. He lied to me again about not calling her and I wonder what else is he lying about? I also wonder if trying to work it out is even worth it anymore. I can't stand the lying.  He does it because he does not want a confrontation. But every day that he leaves the house I feel like he is going to do something that he will lie to me about again. His ex girlfriend became so obsessed with him and me that she was stalking me online, coming to every site I was on, using aliases to try and communicate with me. I finally told her to back off back in early October, but it would mean it a lot more if he left her alone. I don't know what he wants from these women . i take care of the house, see to his needs and it is still not enough. He told me on more than one occasion that he didn't want to marry me. He was tired of being married and he wanted to be single again. Wish he had told me that at the altar.
nicoleal20 nicoleal20
46-50, F
9 Responses Oct 19, 2007

leave just leave! I don't promote divorce but even the Bible says sexual immorality is solid enough reason for divorce. You deserve more!

Maybe it's time for you to have a little revenge

Just make sure to keep your guard up discreetly. They can say they have stopped but they can always setup another acct unknown to you use outside Internet sources, their iPhones etc. if you know my story you'll see what I mean. Above all else sve te info. You find so that you have a backup plan though I hope it never gets to that point. It's just being the heated on, it hurts and destroys so much more if it reoccurs and you want to be sure to have something in place for yourself.

I hate to be the one to say this, but the only reason he's still with you is because you have tolerate this so far. I understand you two fight about it, but he still has a place to live. I'm going to guess you do most of the housework and pay bills too. It's no wonder he hasn't left. He's getting the best of both worlds.<br />
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I recomended getting your affairs in order. Save up money in a bank account he has no knowledge of - preferably with a bank you don't use. Get evidence of his affairs. Print and save any emails/ecards/IMs - have someone you really trust hold them, like a relative or good friend. Hire a PI if you need to. Once you have enough money set aside, prepare to confront him. Start looking for a roommate if you need one. Then confront him and tell him my way or the highway.<br />
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You need to look out for yourself. Your husband clearly isn't putting you first. There are men out there who will treat you better than this. You DESERVE better than this.

no, you're not being an idiot. you know your husband better than anyone. just keep your eyes and ears open..what he is doing sounds hinky to me..

I'm 29 my husband is 31, we have been married for 7 years in August. Has been a rocky marriage, mainly based on my husbands reluctance to grow up. I recently found out my husband had registered on a networking site too, had been on it for over a year and all the exchanges were very sexual in content. Some of the women he had been exchanging emails with for months. Asking for phone numbers, asking when they could meet up. He says he never met up with any of them and it was nothing real it didn't mean anything to him. Am i being an idiot if i believe him?

I was also 29 when my husband did those sorts of things. Kick him tot he curb - but after you get tons of evidence to prove he's cheating. I failed to do that and I'll suffer for it in court. Hire a PI and get pictures, print and store the emails/IMs somewhere safe. Then sue his butt for divorce.

My husband has been doing the same. He signs up to online dating sites. He says he is looking for a "slim atheletic type" which hurts because he gos on about me needing to lose weight!!! and he also says he is divorced and describes what he wants in his future partner. <br />
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I confronted him at first he denied it, then he says I should not be invading his privacy and then he stopped for a while and started again two weeks ago. Now he wants to come back to me and says he's stopped again. I dont really think i can trust him and definetly after one week. He's crazy

my husband has done similar things. he posted himself on that i'm married but tired of sex in my bedroom he even wrote to a woman i'm happily married for 16 years but i'm tired of the monotny in the bedroom. I was so angry because he always makes it seem like our sex is good. For two years we have been fighting and after i found out about the sites as recently as 9/08 he was still on line doing crap. he says that now he is not but i don't believe him. i told him he keeps re injuring me everytime he does it. Sometimes i just wish he would get hit by a car. If you don't have kids maybe you should consider better options. There are men who can be commited. i have never been with one.

Yes, he has. Now that he is on the road all week and leaves the laptop home it's kind of hard for him to talk to those women. he said he never wants to go through what we went through in those 2 years. Our relationship is better and slowly the trust is returning.