My Wife Confesses to Cheating 10 Years Later

Hi. My wife was my high school sweetheart. We dated and broke up when in our early teens. Then as i was about to leave her town to go to varsity, we hooked up on a tough long distance relationship. I failed her and cheated, felt guilty and confessed. She forgave me. Then when back in town i took her virginity, and went away again. People filled her head with stories of how I must be cheating with all the beauties at varisty, though i was not. Later she broke and after a party had sex with another guy i used to know at primary school. She was disgusted, and went months without seeing him, but after another party she could not resist going to his place and doing it again. Months passed again, and again, a third time she did it with him once more. I arrived unexpectedly and found them sitting with another friend outside her home one night. I showed her my disappointment but let it pass because I had no proof of any sexual contact. Today, over 11 years later she had a christian revival, and said God wanted her to confess to me. She confessed and I was devastated. Not by her failure becuase I always suspected she had done something with someone, and was prepared, but not for the news that she had gone back to him twice! It killed me inside to know that I could feel so bad about cheating, enough to never go back to the girl, but my girlfriend could not even refuse the 'ride home' and actually walked into the guy's house and to his bedroom, knowing only too well what had happened there once and twice before. It still sickens me to the core. The only reason we are still married is that she confessed and i did not find out some how else. Also that we have had a beautiful relationship for over 10 years since, 8 of those in marriage. I have to admit that I am very disappointed in her going back there even after seeing and having sex with me. They never had a full dating relationship, but had causal sex and it seems like painful consolation. Also, after seeing my disappointment, she ended it and we went two or so years in a long distance relationship, with the same guy still around there but never managing to get it on with her again. She says they met at another party but this time she made sure she left with people to avoid him following her and offering that ride.

My pride and joy in her is the woman she turned out to be after that. I only wish I could stop thinking about the love scene. What helps is that she was very patient telling me ever single thing I needed to know, including that the sex was not that great even though she went back for more. I believe her because in those days she was very inexperienced in sex  and I had to teach her so much, which we learnt together after marriage. Also if any body can give her better climaxes than the ones i have seen her enjoy with me then that person has to be a magician. I have slowly turned her from a lamb being slaughtered to a participative happy woman. She says the guy had to constantly tell her 'do this' because she was just lying there not recieving him with pleasure. (not surprised coz I too used to see that when she was that age). So I gained a lot from knowing I am the only man to have hit it just right. Call it denial or whatever, but it helps the mind and has caused a great sex life with her.

I am still trying to overcome my fellings of humiliation and anger, and what I fear the most is that i wont be able to fight temptation if it was blatantly thrown at me. I used to use her as my block, but knowing that she didnt feel guilty enough to refuse a second and third sex bout makes me wonder why i ran away from all the beauties who wanted me before. But I am healing so fast I feel the need to be the most faithful a man can be. I am enjoying my relationship with her more than ever, and dont want to spoil that now. The fact that she confessed without any reason to fear exposure makes me feel that i am lucky to be one of the only men on this planet to know my wife's history, which is relatively very very clean. She has had only 2 men in her whole life, and never experienced earth shattering ******* with anyone but me. Yes she was cheating, but remember I caught her a virgin and many cannot resist the question of how it would be to be with another man or woman. I feel had she not done this, it could easily have happened later in marriage when we were angry with one another. It taught her what never to do again, because she felt bad about herself. Many women have cheated, and the only difference between me and other men is that the others dont know what their wives did. I have forgiven her, though I am still trying to forget since its only been a month since she told me. But already I cant resist seeing her smile and laugh, and whenever I get anxiety attacks thinking about her and that guy, I call her up and talk to her and hear her sweet laughter and I am strong to last until we meet at the end of the day.

She is my sweetheart and I love her so much......regardless of the pain she has caused me. I also am luckier than most guys since I have 11 to 12 years of faithful love and friensdship from her to use to forget about the mistakes she made when she was just 20 or 21 years old.

Maybe I am a fool thats been played, but then thats what love is all about. Being vulnerable to some one to give them the chance to love you right. And as far as I can believe, she has loved me perfect over 11 years plus, enough for me to believe everything she says about having stopped and been faithful to me ever since then. My tears will dry and her laughter will continue to soothe my pain. May God bless our future. Thanks for reading guys.

anoneemus007 anoneemus007
31-35, M
2 Responses Dec 17, 2007

I found out without her admitting first to me that she was cheating. Kids were 12 and 15 at the time. I was devastated and mad as hell to say the least. Went through counseling and stayed together. Still, can not stop thinking about her banging another guy or guys. Oddly, I now have developed erotic desires to watch her with another man.

It's still early for you. I stayed with my wife too and it took everything I had not to let it destroy us. I hope you won't mind some advice. Take control of your thoughts so you don't obsess about her act. I actually went to my doc for a heart check and found out it was stress and anxiety. The Dali Lama says controlling what you think is the key to happiness. For me, it was the key to survival and sanity. Forgive yourself if you feel small and needy, but don't lean on your wife too much for reassurance, because that hurts her too and it leaves you feeling like a weak person. You need to find your own strength again. You will be angry, and you have a right to be, but be fair to her if you want to keep her. It took me two years to get past my anger and on to a feeling of balance again. Now we are better than we ever were before, so for me the struggle was worth it because she's a good woman. It sounds like yours is too. Hang in there.