How Do I Move Past The Hurt To Forgiveness??

I just recently found out that my boyfriend, whom I have been living with for about 3 yrs now was cheating on me for the last several months.
I caught them! I was sick to my stomach, felt like I was in a bad dream, I couldn't even cry, at least not at first. I told him right then and there, in front of her, that he had to make a choice. He chose me. He left her that evening and he says that he has not contacted her. She texted him a few times that same night and then sent a text to me the next day (yes I knew her but we were never friends). She told me that even though she loved him and wanted to be with him, it was clear to her who his choice was.

It has been just a little over a week, so it is all still raw. I want to forgive him but I do not trust him. He lied to me for months. I had found texts from her previously that were very sexual in nature and he said that she was just flirting and needed affirmation that she was attractive since she had just recently divorced. I told him that it was not appropriate for her to send that type of message and to ask her to stop. I also questioned him if he was seeing her in any manner other than friends. Since she lives 4 hours away when he said "No" I believed. I wanted to believe.

I hurt so much inside it feels like my heart has been ripped in half. I cannot imagine my life without him, but knowing that he lied to me for months is probably the worst part. How can I trust this man? How can I know for sure that he is not still having conversations with her? I want to forgive him and move forward. It hurts to not trust him, I told him that. He said he understood and wishes that he had not hurt me in that way. When I asked him "Why?" he could not answer except to say that he was pursued and it was easy.

I really want to move on, I know right now my feelings are raw but is it possible? Can you recover fully? I know I will NEVER forget, but I need to forgive him. I love him and cannot imagine a future that he is not in.
cjincfl cjincfl
41-45, F
3 Responses Sep 9, 2012

Im in a 23 year marriage and i had the same thing ,get out while you can you have nothing tying you together i feel so stuck we have 3 children ,i promise you move on ,if hes cheating this early in ,i think mines been cheating on me our whole marriage, its the worst feeling in the world nobody can describe the pain ,only if youve lived it can you sympathize with it

Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you, so you could feel peace and happiness again cause you deserve it! He has broken your heart, don't let him rob your joy!!

I wish I could help I really do. I'm going through a similar issue myself.<br />
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I would like to be able to forgive my ex for what they did to me, for putting me through probably one of the worst experiences of my life. It's been a month now and even now I still have those moments where I'm tempted to look back on the past or check online even though I know exactly where they are...there with that person. <br />
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If you truly wish to stay with this person then you should go to counseling, if not and you move out/kick him out then surround yourself with your friends, family, you need to focus on you for a bit. He made this choice and the blame lies on him, not you. <br />
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Forgiveness is earned it is not just given, if he wants to be forgiven he will make the steps needed regain your trust.<br />
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I think right now you are in love more with the memories than the person though to be honest, you were with him for 3 years, I was with mine for 5 and it hurts...it's the worst hurt imaginable. But it gets better, it always does, especially if you want it too.

OH you just hit the nail on the head your last paragraph... That is me.. I have been married for 14 years and found out he cheated on me... He was my best friend my soul mate my one and only true love. He would NEVER do this to me.. That is the man I am still in love with and I HATE the man that cheated on me. Lets be real which one will I live the rest of my life with if I stay..... THE CHEATER and LIAR...... WOW thanks so much for opening up my eyes~!