For half of my marriage I was being cheated on by my ex wife, she lied and made me feel like I was a horrible person for questioning her. We got married at the age of 17, yes I know it was very young and on the way we had four children. I really thought she was happy, but it turned out that she was a massive liar and a cheat.
I think that due to the lies and cheating I have been broken as a person, as now I am with a lovely lady and have been for 3years now. However I keep treating her like she is my ex, I hear myself do it and apologise straight away but I hate myself for it. Also I can't help think about other women, which I never used to when I was married. I feel like I can't give my partner all of me as I don't know how to anymore. I am not the person I was or should be.
I am critical, sometimes mean and overally insecure. I wanna be better but I don't know if I can. I sometime wonder if I am actually attracted to my partner and maybe that is the reason I am the way I am or maybe more likely I am just broken.
Lightandshadows Lightandshadows
36-40, M
1 Response Aug 21, 2014

I'm sorry to even ask, but are all 4 kids really yours? You should do a paternity test. Again, I'm sorry to even ask. You deserve much better than your ex wife and you know it.

I would never get them tested as that would just cause more upset, they all live with me and I never want that to change. They are my children.

You seem like an amazing father...keep up the good work. How bad does this affect them?

I hope not too much, the oldest have said to me that I am a better father now. However they do worry about me as in there words, I have lost a spark.