Staying Strong

I never attempted suicide or developed an eating disorder. My family is Christian and I am constantly reminded about the dangers of suicide, kidnapping, anorexia, bulimia, etc. etc. But I was still depressed just the same.

My grades were slipping. My older sister, my rock that I leaned on for support and love, was gone that year. I felt fat and ugly. My nose was too big, my hair was too curly, my teeth were yellow, my freckles ugly. None of these things are true, but my mind insisted that I was a socially-awkward freak of nature. I would look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted with myself. I had a horrible case of acne, huge, blood-red scabs all across my face. It was a horrible time for me and I only wore sweats and big baggy hoodies. I WAS a little big for my age, but everyone evens out in the end. Only at the moment I was the only person in my class who had matured a little. I hadn't even gotten my period yet and still I had stupid curves and huge thighs. I was just . . . depressed. I looked awful in swimsuits, so the pool was a mental nightmare.

This past year, though, things really changed. I switched soccer teams and my new coach really pushed me to my limits during practices, and I grew strong and fast. I sort of picked up gymnastics as a way to stay in shape and it is a lot of fun for me. My skin totally cleared up and I lost a lot of weight without even trying (about fifteen pounds, I used to be 130 and now I'm a healthy 115). I feel really confident and grew comfortable with myself. I can wear jean shorts and tank tops now and still feel comfortable and brimming with energy.

The work wasn't all physically. I never sat down and did 50 push ups. I just jumped on the trampoline all of the time. Took walks and super-long 15 mile bike rides with my family and splurged on ice cream afterwards. I stopped eating junk food, which I had previously eaten all of the time. My favorite snack now is Greek yogurt with blueberries and maybe just a little bit of whipped cream! And my after school snack is blueberries in cold milk. As you can see, I like blueberries :)

I will never forget that period in my life. It still changes my decisions and how I think about myself. I run 3 miles every day (to stay in shape out of soccer season) and I love doing handstands and walking on my hands, so I built a lot of arm muscle doing that :P

Sometimes I still stand next to my stick-skinny friends and think "Damn, I really need to lose weight. I look so ugly next to her." But then I think, "Stop ripping on yourself. You're only human. And anyway, if you act confident and smile, they won't care about the size of your thighs." So I'm working towards perfect happiness! If I continue to do what I'm doing right now I will achieve a healthy weight and diet. It hasn't been easy, there are some days where I have to drag myself onto the treadmill to run those dreaded three miles. But I just think about who I want to be and it helps the way I think and run.

I hope this story helps everyone who reads it. It isn't all about dieting and constantly exercising to make yourself feel better. It's about feeling mentally happy with yourself and just making healthy decisions. My road out of depression started when I went on a vacation and had to go in a swimsuit to swim at the beach. It was so awkward and I wanted to die, but after that it was like, "Nobody stared at me there, nobody called me fat or ugly." It was all good. So please don't try starving your way out of your problems. Do what I did, and you'll go far. Trust me
sugarcoatedchainsaw sugarcoatedchainsaw
13-15, F
Dec 7, 2012