What Happened To My Life???

In April 2007 my ex-husband had me arrested for simple assault.  He scratched his own face during a verbal argument and called the Police.  They took me out of the house in hand-cuffs.  To make a long story short, he was cheating and it was time for me to go.  My mother and father's house was across the street.  The night I was arrested, the whole block saw me get shoved in the back of the police car.  One month before that my Dad passed away at 70.  We never got back together.  3 weeks later him and his brother carried over all my kids stuff.  He gave me no furniture for myself, nothing at all, only my clothes.  Me and my mom,who just lost her husband 8 weeks ago, started empting out rooms.  Eventually my kids had nice rooms and were settled.  I made half the family room downstairs into my bedroom.   I was severly depressed and lost 20 pounds real quick.  I couldn't go to work so I took the summer off.  All I did was take my kids to the Pool Club and cry.  I started drinking alot and I met up with a dude that could get coke.  I started using cocaine.  Now I was drinking and snorting my severe pain away.  Whenever I was coming down I would cry like baby.  My pain would go away temporary with alcohol and drugs, but i would always come back.  Long story short, I started smoking cocaine (crack).  I spent all my savings, I limited out all my Credit Cards, I cashed in my IRA's, I had nothing left.  My mom found out what I have been doing for 1 year.  Now it was August 2008.  For 1 year I have been living in a complete hell.  My Mom new how bad my depression was, but really never talked about it.  She would come downstairs and look at me in disgust.  She would ask me when I was getting out of bed.  And comment to me thats all I did, sleep and go out.  I then got treatment in an Outpatient, went to AA Meetings.  I had 61 days clean and went out to the movies with a AA guy.  Well, that night we drank.  I found outold the wholet the he goes to 4 meetings a week, and 3 days a week he drinks.  OK, I guess he wasnt the best catch.  Well after meeting him I relapsed.  My mom said I couldn't come home (its her house) unless I went to In-Patient Rehab, so I did.  During that time of 30 days, she never came to visit me, or bring my 2 kids to see me.  Aftr my 30 days, I was being good for a while, but then relapsed.  I was still living at my Moms.  I told my Mom that I was staying with my boyfriend, who she didnt like, for a couple of weeks.  I was only 5 minutes away for my kids.  It turned into 6 weeks.  But during that time I was available to my children, just not living with them.  After 6 weeks I came home to find out I am not allowed to live there anymore.  Well with that, I was homeless for 4 months until a family member helped me get an apartment.  Still now, 9 months later, my kids live with my Mom.  The conclusion of my story is, I am alone.  No one in my family talks to me.  MIy brother and sister, and Mother, and my Kids.  I have become like a dead person in their eyes.  Even the Aunt that helped me doesnt talk to me anymore.   My Mom tells my whole family the I dont care about my kids.  Right now I am struggling to keep myself sober,  struggling with my bills, trying so hard to keep a roof over my  head.  My daughter speaks to me but secretly hids family functions froms me.  On Mothers Day my whole family and my children went to my Aunts Restaurant, the aunt who helped me, and of course, I wasn't asked.  They have just washed their hands of me.  I have always been the problem child and problem grown-up.
Dollface1124422 Dollface1124422
41-45
2 Responses Jul 24, 2010

I agree.. people can destroy your spirit. I think it's a sick cycle.. you feel pain, you do harmful things because the pain is so overwhelming, and it just continues to bring you down.<br />
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My family never helped me. Ever. I moved out when I was 18. During both divorces, I scraped to get by. My family is well off, and i'm nothing but an embarassment to them.<br />
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You're not a problem child. I think you, like me, have such deep hurt that it's hard to pull out of it!

I completely understand and feel your situation. I too was married for 10 years to a man that was deceitful. After 10 years of cheating on me and doing drugs, I left him and took our 2 kids to another state where my father lived,(he said he was going to help me). I was only in the state for 1 month before my depression was so bad that I started drinking heavily and just not caring anymore. I went into the hospital to try and "fix" myself, only for cps to come along and say I was not mentally stable for my children and took them away. I was only in the hospital for the manditory 3 days and was diagnosed with bi-polar. Anyways after dealing with cps and everything now my aunt has my children and after 2 years of being sober and doing well, NOONE will talk to me, aknowledge my accomplishments, or even think of letting me have my children back. I get to see them, but it kills me on holidays when the whole family gets togeather I am not invited... No one in my family wants to be in my life and it hurts sooo very bad.