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Mom Turned Family Against Me For No Reason

I used to have a family and was very involved with them. My parents and I used to always go on trips, outings, or watch CSI together. My aunts and uncles would have us over for BBQs, and we would always talk and laugh about stuff. We would always have a thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas dinner together. Then when I was 14, my mom sent me to over 8 people for psychiatric testing, claiming I was mental. Not one person believe anything was wrong with me or that my mom had any evidence to prove so. She told me she wished I was never born, and that she had aborted me, and called me awful names. She called everyone in my family and told them horrible stories about me that weren't true. This went on for years, and then she kicked me out of the house. Then I found out my dad had terminal brain cancer. My dad had always loved me and treated me fairly and always talked to me and would hang out with me. I was devastated. He passed away this year and the day after he died my aunt gathered my family together and came up with the plan to disown me. She had met me twice in my life because she lives in Ottawa, while my other aunts and uncles knew me for years and loved me. She just listened to the lies my mom said about me. They told me I wasn't part of their family and my mom was all that mattered to them. My mom has also made all my family friends hate me, many people from my church don't like me anymore, and even my grandparents wouldn't hug me at my dads funeral. Since then I have had no family. No one cares about me except for my fiance. My family has never met him, and they never will. They won't be at my wedding. However as much as my fiance loves me it doesn't replace the feeling of having a mom or uncles and aunts. I feel alone because even when I am with my fiances family its not the same as my family once was. No one asks me how I'm doing or even congratulated me on my engagement. I just wonder if anyone else has a similar experience and has any suggestions on how to heal from this devastating loss, which happened for no reason. Thanks for reading my story.
cmfrecke cmfrecke 18-21 56 Responses Jul 31, 2010

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I also was disowned but
The real word to add to that is abonded mine was because there so called father created another in my state with same i dentical name but my mother protected me as i did her he hid under the holy bible and the church well i followed my mothers path and the others folowed him they have tried to steal my identity my military career i was born on a fruit ranch my mother had me squaw style she was northern cherickee i started working paying social security etc she said sonsign your ss card red ink drop one l off your middle name well my military retirement and ss match the buried him they havent talked to me in the 11 years they have kept me prisoner by one mesns or anothet they have sabotouged 4vechicles now a
Nother to keep me broke to buy another i got news they get in my way my home is oklahoma not calif i am going to die alone but they are all including my.own daughters even no visits no grandkids. Allowed they were all paid off by corript money and they cant buy me
Because the truth shall alays kep me free
Ed
King
Ta

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men...". I have a niece and God daughter who has been treated much the same way by her mother. There is no way to know what is in your mother's mind unless she tells you honestly. She may be in terrible pain, she may be trying to defend part of your father's will or anything in between. She may be just simply bonkers. My niece has recently moved , wit her husband to Texas. I suspect the animosity will quell and there will be no further bad words between them until they see each other again. In her case, I suspect her parents need for control is the ruling factor.

I know it hurts, it hurt me reading this. I am sorry that you are going thur this. I have not experienced this before but I have had friends who are in your situation. I don't know why your family would do that.
Just remember that you are so grateful to have a loving fiancé. Sometimes that's all you need.

I have been in your situation. It took years for me to accept but I decided that the only solution was to accept that you can not choose your family you are born into but your friends are the family you choose. Treasure them for they accept you as you are!

I am so sorry. How brutally awful for you.

When I was 15, I had to flee the family that I lived with after my parents were killed. I won a scholarship to university and didn't return because there was so much hatred and toxicity; they had spent 11 years doing horrible things to me. I also have friends who have either been disowned or had to flee toxic families.

For me, it took years of therapy, moving closer and closer to God, prayer, forgiving those who hurt me, living, and experiencing real Christian community, the kind where people love me for me and not because of what others say for me. There is hope for you but it will be hard. I'll pray for you.

i ca relate to your horrific story because our stories are the same and both true

Many people can't believe this, but there are mothers who do not love their children. My family has always been a pretty toxic place. When I left for college at 16 almost 20 years ago, I had no idea how much baggage I was carrying. After a couple of years, I fell into a depression and tried to kill myself. My mother, with whom I was already hardly on speaking terms at the time, showed up at the psychiatric hospital and accused me of "doing the whole thing just to get attention". However, she did get a lot of sympathy from her relatives when she visited them and cried profusely about how awful it all was (for her). I haven't seen her since. I left the country 16 years ago. I have a new life and a new family. I've studied medicine and become a doctor. In the meantime, my mother has descended into alcoholism. (She always drank too much, even when I was young.) I talked to her for the first time in years a couple of months ago after she was hospitalized for the complications. Nonetheless, she adamantly denies that she has an alcohol problem, and, all medical evidence (and the diagnoses from her attending physicians) to the contrary, her relatives believe her. Her reason for calling me was that she wanted for me, as a physician (but who hasn't seen her for 17 years), to convince her doctors that she is not an alcoholic. When I explained to her that her medical file tells a different story, the old cold witch was back.
The point is that these people don't change. Some day your mother's life will catch up with her, and whether you help her then is entirely up to you. At the moment, I interact with my mother like I would with a patient, respectful but distant. I talk more to her doctors than to her or her new husband. I do what I perceive to be my duty and no more. These people do not care about your welfare, so you have to! Just be selfish, and do what is best for you, not for them. Your real family (your fiance) will support you because, unlike your mother, they actually love you.

You are so blessed, that you have a place like this to come vent, get it out of your system, it is of no surprise to know how much we are not alone in this kind of situation, I am the oldest of 5~by my mother, now I can not put the whole story together because so many are tight lipped about it, but the just of it, my Mother was in a bad marriage with a bad man, claimed to have 2 children by (when I found this guy and met him in my late 30's he told me she was pregnant with me when they met, I am not his daughter), she cheated on him with another guy who because of a horrible incident was then with her in possibly some kind of "open marriage" for 19 years, had 3 kids with him, than he took off on everyone after coming into some money, didn't really care to much for his own kids (between my mother, and another sister we did best we could in raising my 2 brothers, even tho I got used the most, mainly for money), this is what I do not get, they quit parenting, why even become a parent? I mean these were not even good people to begin with, they used having kids, as a crutch, excuse, when they could, whatever to get what they could with as little effort as possible, I was so delusion-ed about so much because you are in the kind of family that "collects people to use" not really care about you, just what you can Do For Them, ohh the things I could tell you about being used, and you know the hurt, pain. you pray for it to go away, you cry and get mad, then mad at yourself for caring because you know they wouldn't do the same for you!


I don't know about you guys/gals but I am working very hard on trying to forgive, forgive it all, on a daily basis I think of something one of my family members did to me, or the lies, when you put the truth together or they do something you don't agree with, main stuff like turning their back on their own kids for other people to raise who resent you and your whole family, abortions, stealing, drugs Not being people of their word!.!!. Strange part about it, we who go thru this usually have the best relationships with our spouses, significant others, I do not have children so I feel to be a bit more keen about things, of being able to see the real of it, from the point of an over grown child, whose not had any children by now,it is quite interesting. I was around, most of my life, a family who was as they called it "close, tight knit" and seeing.. then.. to now... up to now the 6th generation, unfortunately it is a vicious cycle that can get much, much worse! I saw someone not to long ago who has made a similar situation for himself (is a little older than me) and when I asked him why he would do that he said," I paid my child support I expect them to do for me one day", I told him you better not rely on that because when they become adults they will feed you the same excuses back to you that you gave them all the years through for the times you were just not there, and your going to be having to pay someone else to wipe your *** when your to old to do it for yourself just like me.


Now don't get me wrong, it is just changing of the mind that effects it all, everything we do, who we are, I personally work on the breakthrough of it, To Be at Peace. If I have wronged someone I ask forgiveness, but in order to get it you have to give it, forgiveness. No one is perfect we all make mistakes, coming here doing this as a way of therapeutic repenting helps too. Had I done my family wrong in some way, I honestly do not think so, I was led to believe I helped in so many ways that really mattered, like I said financially, visits to jail, hospitals, but none of those were because of choices I had made for myself what I was being put through, that didn't matter to anyone, I did it to be there for someone I cared about, I thought if you truly loved someone your just as much there for them thru the bad times, just as well for the good, but then when your opinion doesn't matter, they make those kinds of bad choices that you tried so hard to warn them about, then all you feel is to throw your hands up and just give up! About the time I started second guessing myself about it, giving it some time, even more came to light, I like being grateful for my life, how it is, so much better, you know I am confused aren't we suppose to be getting better than what we use to be? Not worse, hey it's over, you lived through it, hopefully you learned something from it, it would either make you better or worse, do not give anyone else the power to choose that for you, your living this life, tell them to go tend to their own if you have to!

Hello, dear. I feel sorry for what happened to you, because I know what it's like to not have a family... But you can feel grateful because you have a fiance, that's a gift! All this sounds like a story that should be on TV or at least in a book! I think this is what you should do, get out there and be very open about it, don't let them get away with this! That's my advice. Protect your dignity and shame on them! Everyone needs to know how pathetic people can be and that you're not what they tell about you. Fight back, because suckers love when their victim doesn't fight back. Don't let these people feel good about themselves. Perhaps there are still relatives who need to hear that all is not true and deep inside would like to reconnect. Good luck and fight for your happiness, it is created, not given, remember that!

This may sound heartless, but maybe you're better off without them You go to church, you know God loves you no matter what, and if they don't understand that and won't hear your side of things, there's not much you can do about it, but pray and hope Good will out. As for you, I'll pray for you myself.

Here's another good piece of advice, write it down. In fact, Christine Crawford wrote about her "Mommy Dearest!" In my case, I'm habitually writing about my rotten sisters. And like Christine, I plan to turn it into a book. This is not only catharsis, but it's also my way of seeking justice!

You don't mention why your Dad didn't stand up for you when your Mom started this. You state, "This went on for years," where was your Dad? I don't think we are getting all of the story here. Unless your Mom had mental or emotional issues, it's hard to understand why she would have such a negative reaction to you at that age. Where was your Dad while this was going on, and what if anything did he say about this?

A friend of mine used to complain about not having a family. I had a good comeback for this. "It's better than having a family from hell!" My boyfriend said something similar. "At least you have a BIG family." I let him know that it doesn't matter when most of them don't care about me (aka - some relatives and my sisters). For years I wanted a real family, and I tried to make it such. But I realized this was never going to happen. All I did was "bang" my head against the wall. The "gist" is - is that you can't make them love you. I know this is very painful and not easy to accept. I came to realize that no matter what I say or do, nothing is going to change. In fact, the abuse got worse, aka a temper tantrum, the insults, dumping their problems on us - the emotional & financial, the rude & snotty treatment, the verbal jabs & digs, the back biting, etc. So it got to the point I no longer care anymore. I want to disown them! The only reason why I haven't is because my mom is still alive and I know it would hurt her. But if she dies before me, all bets are off! My best advice is, find a REAL family somewhere else. This could be close friends or by creating your own family. My real family is my mom, my corgi kid, my boyfriend, and some nieces and nephew(s). (Sadly, one nephew died.) God bless and I wish you the best of luck!
Sincerely, Michelle

Here is a link to a blog that you might find some use in-<br />
I'm just going to warn you, the content is all about physical, sexual, and emotional abuse written by a survivor. If thats something that would bother you I'm sorry please dont read it. Why am I suggesting it? Well, I really find comfort in his words because I can relate to alot of it. I interpret his posts as a really great way to validate what happened to him - the real truth uninterrupted, not the lies of parents or "family".<br />
<br />
http://proudlysensitive.wordpress.com/<br />
<br />
Not feeling alone in my struggles is what helps me the most. <br />
I hope this helps, and if it doesn't, I still wish you strength to overcome this to have a loving life that you deserve.

I understand how you feel, because I went through similar things with my family. My parents were abusive, liars, corrupt, thieves, and completely void of love or morality. They tried to control every aspect of my life, my friends, my hobbies and would not let me date anyone. However, I knew that I did not deserve their abuse, nor the punishments they inflicted on me, so I would do what I wanted to do. I never did anything bad or illegal, but I lived my life the way I wanted to. After too many years of their abuse, I left them and never looked back. I have been a ghost to them for over 12 years, and it feels so much better to be rid of them.

If your family has disowned you, don't feel too bad. Think of it as a release of pressure and an end to the abuse. You will never have to talk to them or deal with them again, and believe me, there is no better relief! Once enough time has passed by, you will say, "Why didn't I disown them myself, years ago?" Forget about them! And let them know you don't give a crap about them, and that you will do just fine without them. Then after a few years go by, and your life is just the way you want it, because they no longer control you, send them a note with no return address and say, "You always held me back and tried to ruin my life. Now look what I can do without you being the problem you always were to me. I have succeeded by luck and chance, far better than you ever could, no matter how hard you worked! And what I did work hard for went far beyond your wildest dreams of what you could ever wish for in your own lives!"

When you believe and know in your heart that you are better off without your family pulling your tail all of your life, you will live a much better and more successful life. You no longer have to do anything to impress them or please them. You can do what you want to, and let your life be void of any of the anger and hate that they piled on you. Learn from their mistakes and don't let yourself become like them. It might be hard now, but after a while, you'll be so happy that this had happened. Go on with your life in happiness, joy and love for what you will build in your own life, your own new family, even change your name so that you have no ties to them at all. And once you have had that necessary time away from them, you'll know that you never needed them in the first place. Family that loves one another is blessed, but those that cause pain deserve FORGIVENESS, but nothing else. Good luck to you!

Unfortunately the only remedy is time.As time passes you will see things from a different perspective, and some of the bad experiences will override the good ones, and you will see that your family's love was subterfuge.My family were very controlling, manipulative, and coercive; to the point of telling me who could and couldn't be my friends, and who was appropriate for me to date, even up to my 30's!I realize in hindsight that I was protected from most of this until my grandmother (my mother's mother, whose birthday I was born on, so we shared a special bond) passed.I was overlooked when it came to people and events in my grandmother's eulogy, and was even forced to go home and wait for visitors, rather than go to her burial!My dad is a very distant and silent parent, and when he did talk to me it was never complimentary, and when it was something positive, there was always a negative side to it.My parents completely approved of my first wife, who like them was manipulative, coercive, deceptive, and somewhat of an emotional blackmailer.When we split up my parents basically took sides with her, and undermined my relationship with my daughter from that marriage; insisting they have equal or more time with her than I did.It came to a head when I met my new partner - now my wife of over 7 years.They didn't approve of her, claiming she was not appropriate for me.So much so, that my mother dropped a letter off at my counselors office, requesting he assist in breaking up my relationship.He called me, told me about it, and I struggled for years to deal with the consequences.It was touch and go whether my family would attend my wedding, they did, but it wasn't worth the effort.The family relationship has been strained to the point where estrangement is my current best option; it's taken me quite some time to get used to this, and it still hurts, and makes me feel lonely and abandoned, but it's still better than living in a family that wants to control, manipulate, and undermine me, and make me feel inferior, just because I don't want to live the life they think I should.There is no easy way to deal with all this, but supportive friends, a good counselor or psychiatrist, and an understanding doctor (and possibly medication) will help.It's also important to concentrate on those that do care about you, whether they are friends, other family members, or even pets, as well as yourself.You can't change other people, but you can take care of your own physical and mental health, which includes eating healthily, regular exercise, and knowing when you need to have time out to be quiet and by yourself, whether that be gardening, reading, meditation, or going for a walk to clear your head.Incrementally it all makes a difference, but there are no quick fixes; that said, you may find one day that you wake up feeling good, and accepting of your situation; when that happens make a note of what you're thinking and feeling, and what brought you there, so you can refer to it later to help out when you're feeling down.

You are blood relatives somehow one day everyone will know that you are part of the family and about disowning you can also contest that to court and appeal because you are daughter by blood and if your parents have means or other things that they own its natural that you also be one of those who will get share. Somehow even they will not come to your wedding just send them invitation so they will know. Afterwards try to consult lawyer about inheritance and what best you can do about it.

sounds like your poor excuse for a mother is the one that needs mental health care but she is a Canadian and what can you say about her and her family when they are all Canadians.....stay strong and when you have your children give them all the love that you did not receive...just because we are related in some way to people does not require us to like them.... they are people and sounds like they are weird people....

It's a very sad situation, I have had my own tumbles in life but not disowned by my whole family. The only advice I can give you is to put it all behind you set some goals and prove the lies wrong just by living your life to the fullest and succeeding when and where ever you can. Trust me those type of people are still trying to keep tabs on you and maybe hoping you fall flat on your face. PROVE THEM WRONG. Hope you have success in life and remember blood does not make you family (my view) friendship, caring, and love do. Take care and best wishes

Wow, your mom is a *****. I am so lucky to have a family that loves me, and you should get that luck because it feels good :)

I'm going to keep this short. My momster allowed her new pedaphile alcoholic husband rape me when I was 4 years old. It continued until I was 9 when they divorced. My mother says they divorced because of me. She knew about it because my brother of 15, and myself told her. As an adult I asked her why she did that. She said he promised to not touch me anymore. I left home at 15 and never returned to live in her house. I kept a good relationship with her throughout my life. I am now in my 50's. In 2008 she said she wanted me out of her life, and didn't call for 4 months.<br />
<br />
We repaired the relationship, and again in 2013 she cast me out of her life, told lies to the rest of the family. She told family and friends that I was trying to kill her and that I did kill her 3rd husband. Today, 8 months later, I have no family. My sister believed her lies and filed a restraining order against me and also filed elder abuse charges. Both were dropped by the court but still cost me 5K in attorney fees. I used to have a good relationship with my sister until she believed the lies. I don't want them back. My momster is a cold calculating mean old lady. She is not happy unless she has someone on her hate list and is on a mission to destroy them. It has been her sister and caregivers in the past. <br />
<br />
Am I wrong to go on a path to never speak or see her again? It breaks my heart, but it it is too painful to be cast out. <br />
<br />
I've survived breast cancer, bilateral reconstruction, chemo, heart surgery, spent 3 weeks in hospital for malnutrition from pancolitis, medication induced lupus, bilateral uveitits. I have a gorgeous husband and a 34 year happy marriage. Should I just run or repair the damage?

My mother was a horrible mother from the start. She had me at 14, and I guess had no idea what to do with me. I was always in the care of my beloved grandpa, or on of her ****** up friends. As the years went on my mother chose stripping as a profession. Let's just say no one at school knew what my mother did and I was embarrassed to introduce my friends to her. At age four my mother gave birth to a little girl she named Precious whom she gave up for adoption. At age five she married a man who hated everything about me. We caught constantly, my mother hardly ever took my side, I felt abandon most of the time by everyone. At eight, my brother was born. The golden child who did no wrong. He was praised, loved, accepted. Especially by my mothers husband, as it was his son. At age eleven they separated. And I was to blame. I never accepted his as my father, it was my fault that they fought all the time, and I pushed him out of my brothers life. Then a few months later my mother found another man to come into our lives. He was a drug user. He abused pills, did coke, shot up. And soon my mother followed suit. I spent most of my teen years raising my brother while my mother and her boyfriend got ****** up in their room. Through all this I loved my mother. The times she told me she hated me. The times she gave me a bloody nose, beat me with her shoes, whipped my *** with the belt, locked me away in my room like a prisoner. I hated wherever we lived. I hated my life. I attempted suicide at 14, but I was to much of a coward to fallow through. My mother missed all my events, cheer leading. Band. But my brothers she attended. I hold no resent towards my brother anymore. It wasn't his fault. At 16, I got pregnant. I lied to my now husband about who the father was at my mothers request. My husband has given me the courage to stand up to my mother. He is my back bone. My rock. Everything solid in my life is because of him. We have two beautiful daughters, and I couldn't be happier. My mother has met both my daughters. Even tried to take custody of my oldest after I gave birth to her. But when that didn't work out, she left the hospital in a rage and didn't come back. I didn't want her at the hospital for my youngest. She doesn't deserve to know them. Or to hurt them the same way she did me. I left a lot out. But this is the summary of my life.

both sides mums and dads side have disowned me mums side because i was my farthers daughter in other word i was a smith fake not good enough we where outcasted but mum treated my half brother like a king as her side fussed over him theres a huge age gap he was at high school when i was born he was the fav in the nest he got birthday and christmass presents etc anyway we moved by with my dad mum had left him when i was 4 yrs old and moved well away so i didnt remember my dad i only got any contact when i was bullied at school i thought i was adopted because my mum and brothers names where jones while mine was smith ???? we moved back to my dads scary and exciting by that time i was 8 yrs old sorry this is a book hard to explain otherwise i didnt know my dad but we bonded quick now i didnt even know i had aunts and uncles 9 of them plus cousins it was a shock plus another granny i was gobsmacked the reception was lukewarm remember im 8 yrs old the nasty uncle and one of the older end told my dad to his face he thought i was another mans child not a smith as i was dark haired others had blue eyes fair hair though dad has brown eyes and dark hair ?? only one of brothers and sis with brown eyes they all had same farther and he was dna proved you can see this was a fun time he was my farther still i was shunned my younger cousins where given presents meals etc stayed overnight wait this is a corker he said i had to pay for my meals at my own grandmothers house while my two female cousins ate there dinner onwardly giggling at me i felt humiliated beyond belief my grandma bless her was great she made me my dinners anyway told him i was as much intitled as rest as i was same but from that day it went down hill an aunty ive never really liked her but she was familey began to lie about me she told my mum when i was 12 that id told her some shite about my mum being better than my nana /grandma i never said it ever but who do you believe an adult with her own child or a 12 yr old she grinned at me she knew i couldnt fight back and now she has taken my inheritance and turned another fam member against me who came over from auss id never met him before was excited as a puppy shouldve learnt really 1st 2 times im thick yes she told him id said somthing about my other aunt who had passed from breast cancer nice he looked at me full of venom he wouldve killed me i think but i was 16 then he told me he would walk away and never look back thats whats happened my whole fam are mental either them or me not sure anymore sorry i wrote an encyclopedia wow feels great to unload oh to top it yeah sorry get it all out they say my best friend who i grew up with shared secrets etc just told me we couldnt be friends anymore because i have a mental health condition she dosnt want that influence round her babys wtf i have bi-polar and social anxiety not surprising really????????????????

take ur fiance n RUN..haha Good thing you found someone while they were trying to tear down ur esteem_interview several counsellors-n when one feels like a good fit-tell ur story-the validation will heal-

My mother stopped speaking to me 13 years ago after many years of rejection and lies. The strange lies were there to set the stage for taking as many family members with as possible. A few years ago, after my Uncle passed away, the family wanted to get together without a funeral. I was on the email list and responded. The world didn't come crashing in, so I naively became excited and hopeful. Months later in the planning process, the one Aunt who loves me mentioned we were staying with her and was hoping to have a BBQ. Minutes later my step-father replied with 'we won't be coming'. One by one, the rest of the group didn't feel comfortable continuing without my mother. I replied to all and said to continue with their plans, I would change my trip dates. I heard nothing from anyone. My Aunt and I coordinated new dates, paid the change of res fees only to find out later that they changed their dates secretly, leaving not only me out, but my Aunt, who dared not to hate me.

I'm heading back to Texas this for wedding and beginning the trip with a visit to my Aunt's. The other relatives want to come by and see me. I can't understand this and it makes my fearful. My stomach is in knots and I don't have the courage to say no, this my vacation, I don't want to spend it as a curiosity for my mother's lap dogs. So, I prepare, pack and worry.

None of these people have ever met, let alone acknowledged my daughter. I didn't grow up with these women. The whole thing is just weird. I have no faith that their intentions are good, but again don't want to be the small, petty person and say no. The feeling of being disowned never really goes away. It helps to have strong relationships with mentors and friends. But, you always want it known and acknowledged that this is wrong, undeserved and cruel.

it is very wrong i agree i have a husband but his familey have passed away he is older than me i have no freinds as i only had 3 so called friends in school i cant work due to very bad health i am very lonley i just dont understand how blood can hurt each other for what reason ???

Seeing as your family is a Christian family I would make a religious gesture such as giving your mom 30 pieces of silverware

Oh my..it's my story in your words, only my Father is still alive, but sick along with other family members. He has chosen to shut me out too unless I apologize for something I said that was true & I just can't again, I have for so many years. I have tried so hard to prove I wasn't the crazy one & that I am here for everyone & begged to be a part of family & get togethers, even before that argument that started all this up again. I don't even without a diagnosis of anything during my childhood or even now. Except anxiety & no one will even ask my side of this, she plays this "Poor Me" game & tells everyone how horrible I am & I was, she says it in a way that can't be proven a lie, but instead an insinuation towards me that no one else will see. Even when things were "good" I wasn't invited to any family outings when other family came into town & sometimes wasn't even told they were here. I believe that was a trick to use for later. I would call numerous times to go with the family to breakfast before a flight, or other things like that & they would call me back after making up an excuse. At a family funeral last week I was treated as if I had a plague. She is telling people they had to refinance their home to help me out financially. That is not true. She has been telling me for 20 years they did have to refinance their home from a medical bill I had that I was within an hour of dying when I was a teen, but I think she is referring to that & making it seem like it was recent. I honestly would have preferred them to let me die than hold it over my head for 20 years. This has honestly been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I do have a wonderful boyfriend, kids & friends that have seen her ways & validated me. I could go on for years about the past, but past is past & this is now. I feel alone & isolated too, since I was 6. I am truly sorry & understand your pain & thank you for posting, I am glad I am not alone.

Dear Candahope
Thankyou for your reply I tried to answer before but I think I messed up and it did not go through.
I can tell from the little I know you that your a nice warm and kind person like I try to be also, maybe we make ourselves targets by being like this.

The ain does not go away and I must admit there are not many days that I do not think about what has happened to me and many days I shed some tears.

I think well if their intent was to hurt me they have succeeded and done a very good job. Its just so hard to think that your mam or even your dad would want to hurt their child like that, well one of them anyway.

Its very difficult not to start blaming yourself although I can honestly say I don't know what I did. Maybe I was a constant reminder to my mother and step father that I was not theirs I don't know.
I do now the hurt continues and as you get older its more of a deep pain as you understand you can do nothing about it. The only thing you can do is to try and surround yourself with what love you have in your life like spouse kids and grandkids etc.

I am sure we will have the pain for the rest of our lives and it definitely effects you as a person. WE will be stronger because of that and I remember one thing my old Grandmother said to me she was on her last legs and she hugged me and said don't worry mike god knows.

I feel sad and upset when I think of it but also gather strength in my very low times.

your friend Mike

my gran the good one has been gone many years but she was disowned by the son who told me to pay for my meals he met a woman he met at a bar lit took her home in front of my nan he showed this woman deeds to my nans house she was 75 at this stage to old to fight really and told this woman who was a con artist but thats another story if she married him had his baby the house was hers for the taking she snapped up that offer two weeks after my cousin was on the way nana was fuming they fell out the son disowned his mum they never ever made up i think it helped to kill her she had a silent heart attack and died two month after that anyway long story sorry she told me what goes around comes around but my aunty and whats left are still enjoying the wealth that was meant for all fam not just the few though that uncle died the wife has left dosnt talk to us last time i saw her she was arguing over his will he had only died mins earlier of cancer so maybe theres truth but though we got rid of the con artist my aunty the nasty one has taken over bad uncles spot got house in her name stopping us once again she gets the lot its a mini mansion the other uncles are learning disabled and she lied to them the bad uncle left his wife in charge she washed her hands and left them alone they have minds of well kids so she convinced them we are the bad lot she's the angel if you'd have told me this was how my life would pan out ????????? :o

wow this was like a mirror of everything im and have gone through both sides mums and dads side have disowned me mums side because i was my farthers daughter in other word i was a smith fake not good enough we where outcasted but mum treated my half brother like a king as her side fussed over him theres a huge age gap he was at high school when i was born he was the fav in the nest he got birthday and christmass presents etc anyway we moved by with my dad mum had left him when i was 4 yrs old and moved well away so i didnt remember my dad i only got any contact when i was bullied at school i thought i was adopted because my mum and brothers names where jones while mine was smith ???? we moved back to my dads scary and exciting by that time i was 8 yrs old sorry this is a book hard to explain otherwise i didnt know my dad but we bonded quick now i didnt even know i had aunts and uncles 9 of them plus cousins it was a shock plus another granny i was gobsmacked the reception was lukewarm remember im 8 yrs old the nasty uncle and one of the older end told my dad to his face he thought i was another mans child not a smith as i was dark haired others had blue eyes fair hair though dad has brown eyes and dark hair ?? only one of brothers and sis with brown eyes they all had same farther and he was dna proved you can see this was a fun time he was my farther still i was shunned my younger cousins where given presents meals etc stayed overnight wait this is a corker he said i had to pay for my meals at my own grandmothers house while my two female cousins ate there dinner onwardly giggling at me i felt humiliated beyond belief my grandma bless her was great she made me my dinners anyway told him i was as much intitled as rest as i was same but from that day it went down hill an aunty ive never really liked her but she was familey began to lie about me she told my mum when i was 12 that id told her some shite about my mum being better than my nana /grandma i never said it ever but who do you believe an adult with her own child or a 12 yr old she grinned at me she knew i couldnt fight back and now she has taken my inheritance and turned another fam member against me who came over from auss id never met him before was excited as a puppy shouldve learnt really 1st 2 times im thick yes she told him id said somthing about my other aunt who had passed from breast cancer nice he looked at me full of venom he wouldve killed me i think but i was 16 then he told me he would walk away and never look back thats whats happened my whole fam are mental either them or me not sure anymore sorry i wrote an encyclopedia wow feels great to unload oh to top it yeah sorry get it all out they say my best friend who i grew up with shared secrets etc just told me we couldnt be friends anymore because i have a mental health condition she dosnt want that influence round her babys wtf i have bi-polar and social anxiety not surprising really????????????????

I really feel for you and am suffering almost the same type of pain. My real father left when I was just under three years old and after many beatings which stay with me today. I know that sounds unbelievable that you can remember at that age but its true. Then I was alone with mam under really hard times when I guess she was the only person in the world that I had. Finally when I was 9 she met someone else and they got married. They moved far away and he adopted me but as time went on I realise it was obvious that the adoption it seemed was to save embarrassment for them and not for me, although when your young you don't understand this, life seemed not to bad ten they had a daughter of their own and that really was the end for me. Now maybe to cover what they felt they turned the whole family against me and I am completely disowned. My family or myself are never included in anything or even informed. My step father has unfortunately passed away now but my mother is still alive. She is going senile now and does not understand what is going on. But over time when she was alright she would even ignore my daughter and her two sons who are her right full great grandsons. The pain it causes me is without belief and there is not a day that goes by that it does not come into my thoughts. My real father never ever even came to see me when he left, it effects you very much and eventually you believe it is your fault and honestly I have done nothing. The family is not poor and now there is only my mother left out of three brothers and five sisters, out of al of the children my cousins (27) I am the only one that has not been included in any inheritance, its nice to inherit something not that its about money but to see that someone actually cared. I am getting old now and it seems to effect me more and more as I have had a hard life and have never been unemployed and had to work hard all my life and my health is starting to fail me a bit but I have to keep going due to my financial position. I find myself wondering all the time why what did I do who am I really who and what was my real father. I feel that when my mother was not married and we were together that we must have created a real close bond but now I know that was not true. I wonder if she hated my real father and is blaming me for their disastrous marriage.
MY step father I excuse somewhat as I was not his son and must have been a real issue being the son of another man, BUT my mother how can a mother treat her son like that. My half sister was always the chosen one and I had to look on while she had everything while myself nothing, this has made her think she is so much better than me and enjoys the situation. As you get older you realise that there is no answer that will ever come to you t will always be the same as it is now but someone once told me remember Mike god knows for people like us its the only ease of the pain. It helps but does not fix the pain you feel. Maybe my note explaining that your not alone with your experience will help you I hope so. Its strange isn't it we can care about how other people feel and don't like people being hurt or suffering while our own parents care nothing about us and really enjoy hurting us. If that's what my mother wanted she has been very successful.

regards and blessings

Mike

Its quite ironic how I came across this today. I just woke up after seeing my boyfriend off to work, tried to lay down and go back to sleep and all I can think about is my mother and her having destroyed me mentally from her verbal and emotional abuse. As far as i can remember my mother wanted nothing to do with me. She was too busy with my brother who was the king of her world and could do no wrong but boy could i. My mother used to lock me in my room from 9 pm at night until 7 am because she said I was stealing when in reality I was so hungry because everytime that woman cooked she made everything I didnt like and made me sit at the table until 2 am forcing me to eat whatever it was she made which was usually brocolli until it caused me to throw up. Then she would yell at me and send me to bed still hungry. There were nights when I would have to pee out of my window because she wouldnt get up and unlock my door to let me use the washroom. This all started around the time I was 11 give or take a year. I dont remember everything because my mind has chosen to block it out but this morning I remembered myself crying because my mother was yelling at me and she would just mimic every sound I made while I was crying, i felt so helpless and angry but knew if I said anything that when my dad got home she would tell him i did something awful to stress her out and make things difficult for her and thats when things got bad. My dad, i love him hes my bestfriend and ive chosen to forget everything he did to me as a pre teen and even what continues on till today. Its sad that he chose to turn on me the way he did to keep her happy. I was not trusted in the house as a young teenager because my mom said I stole her jewlery when in reality we both knew it was my brother but she knew if she blamed it on me i would get another beating from my father ; what i classify as a beating : my dad used to throw 2L pop bottles at me, he would drag me from his room to my room by my hair, hes choked me and almost given me a heart attack when i was younger. A big part of me hates him for not protecting me and taking me away from the abuse. I was not trusted in the house therefore my mother would kick me out in the morning sometimes it was 6am sometimes 7am and tell me to find somewhere to go this was around 14 when I had just finished public school i wouldnt be allowed back home until either my mother or father were done work which was around 8 or 9 pm (sad right) so i walked around for 12 hours everyday didnt matter what the weather was like. Im now going to be starting counselling but i dont know if it will help. Theres so much more that she has done that i dont remember because my mind has pushed it far down because its too much to even think about and even after all of that, I find myself at 20 years old still yearning for the love of my mother even though I will never recieve it, thats all i wanted was to be accepted by her to feel her love, to have her tell me she loved me or even hug me but no it wont happen but for some reason I cant stop wanting to make her proud because maybe just maybe if i do something right she will say sorry and tell me she loves me and she wants to start again... But thats a slim to none maybe.

Wow, hey...I just somehow came across your story and it was like reading my own life story. This happened to me also and have struggled for years trying to deal.with the loss. I used to try to want to win them over but I have come to learn that I did everything I could and they just treated me so bad. All I can say is that I can empathise with you and know the pain you are experiencing. They will one day realise that they did such a terrible thing. You sound like a strong person like me and they are probably jealous. Keep strong and just love yourself. God bless.