Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Mom Turned Family Against Me For No Reason

I used to have a family and was very involved with them. My parents and I used to always go on trips, outings, or watch CSI together. My aunts and uncles would have us over for BBQs, and we would always talk and laugh about stuff. We would always have a thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas dinner together. Then when I was 14, my mom sent me to over 8 people for psychiatric testing, claiming I was mental. Not one person believe anything was wrong with me or that my mom had any evidence to prove so. She told me she wished I was never born, and that she had aborted me, and called me awful names. She called everyone in my family and told them horrible stories about me that weren't true. This went on for years, and then she kicked me out of the house. Then I found out my dad had terminal brain cancer. My dad had always loved me and treated me fairly and always talked to me and would hang out with me. I was devastated. He passed away this year and the day after he died my aunt gathered my family together and came up with the plan to disown me. She had met me twice in my life because she lives in Ottawa, while my other aunts and uncles knew me for years and loved me. She just listened to the lies my mom said about me. They told me I wasn't part of their family and my mom was all that mattered to them. My mom has also made all my family friends hate me, many people from my church don't like me anymore, and even my grandparents wouldn't hug me at my dads funeral. Since then I have had no family. No one cares about me except for my fiance. My family has never met him, and they never will. They won't be at my wedding. However as much as my fiance loves me it doesn't replace the feeling of having a mom or uncles and aunts. I feel alone because even when I am with my fiances family its not the same as my family once was. No one asks me how I'm doing or even congratulated me on my engagement. I just wonder if anyone else has a similar experience and has any suggestions on how to heal from this devastating loss, which happened for no reason. Thanks for reading my story.
cmfrecke cmfrecke 18-21 59 Responses Jul 31, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

Please google about narcississtic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD), also search "Out of the fog"...sounds like your mother suffers from a cluster B disorder and she trained the rest of your family to be her flying monkeys. Its not you, its her. Peace be with you, I hope you find healing.

This is so touching to me and what the consolation I needed right now. I feel as if I'm going through something so similar and I felt so alone. Reading the comments and your post shows me that I'm not and no one ever truly is. If anyone reading this is hurting right now, feel free to reply or message back. Honestly, it feels so good to feel a connection between this community when my family just laughs and mocks me. <3 Turn to the Lord and reading Psalms, Job, and Proverbs really helps.

I have a very similar story and want to thank you for sharing. I am so glad I am not alone. It hurts so bad.

I also was disowned but
The real word to add to that is abonded mine was because there so called father created another in my state with same i dentical name but my mother protected me as i did her he hid under the holy bible and the church well i followed my mothers path and the others folowed him they have tried to steal my identity my military career i was born on a fruit ranch my mother had me squaw style she was northern cherickee i started working paying social security etc she said sonsign your ss card red ink drop one l off your middle name well my military retirement and ss match the buried him they havent talked to me in the 11 years they have kept me prisoner by one mesns or anothet they have sabotouged 4vechicles now a
Nother to keep me broke to buy another i got news they get in my way my home is oklahoma not calif i am going to die alone but they are all including my.own daughters even no visits no grandkids. Allowed they were all paid off by corript money and they cant buy me
Because the truth shall alays kep me free
Ed
King
Ta

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men...". I have a niece and God daughter who has been treated much the same way by her mother. There is no way to know what is in your mother's mind unless she tells you honestly. She may be in terrible pain, she may be trying to defend part of your father's will or anything in between. She may be just simply bonkers. My niece has recently moved , wit her husband to Texas. I suspect the animosity will quell and there will be no further bad words between them until they see each other again. In her case, I suspect her parents need for control is the ruling factor.

I know it hurts, it hurt me reading this. I am sorry that you are going thur this. I have not experienced this before but I have had friends who are in your situation. I don't know why your family would do that.
Just remember that you are so grateful to have a loving fiancé. Sometimes that's all you need.

I have been in your situation. It took years for me to accept but I decided that the only solution was to accept that you can not choose your family you are born into but your friends are the family you choose. Treasure them for they accept you as you are!

I am so sorry. How brutally awful for you.

When I was 15, I had to flee the family that I lived with after my parents were killed. I won a scholarship to university and didn't return because there was so much hatred and toxicity; they had spent 11 years doing horrible things to me. I also have friends who have either been disowned or had to flee toxic families.

For me, it took years of therapy, moving closer and closer to God, prayer, forgiving those who hurt me, living, and experiencing real Christian community, the kind where people love me for me and not because of what others say for me. There is hope for you but it will be hard. I'll pray for you.

i ca relate to your horrific story because our stories are the same and both true

Many people can't believe this, but there are mothers who do not love their children. My family has always been a pretty toxic place. When I left for college at 16 almost 20 years ago, I had no idea how much baggage I was carrying. After a couple of years, I fell into a depression and tried to kill myself. My mother, with whom I was already hardly on speaking terms at the time, showed up at the psychiatric hospital and accused me of "doing the whole thing just to get attention". However, she did get a lot of sympathy from her relatives when she visited them and cried profusely about how awful it all was (for her). I haven't seen her since. I left the country 16 years ago. I have a new life and a new family. I've studied medicine and become a doctor. In the meantime, my mother has descended into alcoholism. (She always drank too much, even when I was young.) I talked to her for the first time in years a couple of months ago after she was hospitalized for the complications. Nonetheless, she adamantly denies that she has an alcohol problem, and, all medical evidence (and the diagnoses from her attending physicians) to the contrary, her relatives believe her. Her reason for calling me was that she wanted for me, as a physician (but who hasn't seen her for 17 years), to convince her doctors that she is not an alcoholic. When I explained to her that her medical file tells a different story, the old cold witch was back.
The point is that these people don't change. Some day your mother's life will catch up with her, and whether you help her then is entirely up to you. At the moment, I interact with my mother like I would with a patient, respectful but distant. I talk more to her doctors than to her or her new husband. I do what I perceive to be my duty and no more. These people do not care about your welfare, so you have to! Just be selfish, and do what is best for you, not for them. Your real family (your fiance) will support you because, unlike your mother, they actually love you.

You are so blessed, that you have a place like this to come vent, get it out of your system, it is of no surprise to know how much we are not alone in this kind of situation, I am the oldest of 5~by my mother, now I can not put the whole story together because so many are tight lipped about it, but the just of it, my Mother was in a bad marriage with a bad man, claimed to have 2 children by (when I found this guy and met him in my late 30's he told me she was pregnant with me when they met, I am not his daughter), she cheated on him with another guy who because of a horrible incident was then with her in possibly some kind of "open marriage" for 19 years, had 3 kids with him, than he took off on everyone after coming into some money, didn't really care to much for his own kids (between my mother, and another sister we did best we could in raising my 2 brothers, even tho I got used the most, mainly for money), this is what I do not get, they quit parenting, why even become a parent? I mean these were not even good people to begin with, they used having kids, as a crutch, excuse, when they could, whatever to get what they could with as little effort as possible, I was so delusion-ed about so much because you are in the kind of family that "collects people to use" not really care about you, just what you can Do For Them, ohh the things I could tell you about being used, and you know the hurt, pain. you pray for it to go away, you cry and get mad, then mad at yourself for caring because you know they wouldn't do the same for you!


I don't know about you guys/gals but I am working very hard on trying to forgive, forgive it all, on a daily basis I think of something one of my family members did to me, or the lies, when you put the truth together or they do something you don't agree with, main stuff like turning their back on their own kids for other people to raise who resent you and your whole family, abortions, stealing, drugs Not being people of their word!.!!. Strange part about it, we who go thru this usually have the best relationships with our spouses, significant others, I do not have children so I feel to be a bit more keen about things, of being able to see the real of it, from the point of an over grown child, whose not had any children by now,it is quite interesting. I was around, most of my life, a family who was as they called it "close, tight knit" and seeing.. then.. to now... up to now the 6th generation, unfortunately it is a vicious cycle that can get much, much worse! I saw someone not to long ago who has made a similar situation for himself (is a little older than me) and when I asked him why he would do that he said," I paid my child support I expect them to do for me one day", I told him you better not rely on that because when they become adults they will feed you the same excuses back to you that you gave them all the years through for the times you were just not there, and your going to be having to pay someone else to wipe your *** when your to old to do it for yourself just like me.


Now don't get me wrong, it is just changing of the mind that effects it all, everything we do, who we are, I personally work on the breakthrough of it, To Be at Peace. If I have wronged someone I ask forgiveness, but in order to get it you have to give it, forgiveness. No one is perfect we all make mistakes, coming here doing this as a way of therapeutic repenting helps too. Had I done my family wrong in some way, I honestly do not think so, I was led to believe I helped in so many ways that really mattered, like I said financially, visits to jail, hospitals, but none of those were because of choices I had made for myself what I was being put through, that didn't matter to anyone, I did it to be there for someone I cared about, I thought if you truly loved someone your just as much there for them thru the bad times, just as well for the good, but then when your opinion doesn't matter, they make those kinds of bad choices that you tried so hard to warn them about, then all you feel is to throw your hands up and just give up! About the time I started second guessing myself about it, giving it some time, even more came to light, I like being grateful for my life, how it is, so much better, you know I am confused aren't we suppose to be getting better than what we use to be? Not worse, hey it's over, you lived through it, hopefully you learned something from it, it would either make you better or worse, do not give anyone else the power to choose that for you, your living this life, tell them to go tend to their own if you have to!

Hello, dear. I feel sorry for what happened to you, because I know what it's like to not have a family... But you can feel grateful because you have a fiance, that's a gift! All this sounds like a story that should be on TV or at least in a book! I think this is what you should do, get out there and be very open about it, don't let them get away with this! That's my advice. Protect your dignity and shame on them! Everyone needs to know how pathetic people can be and that you're not what they tell about you. Fight back, because suckers love when their victim doesn't fight back. Don't let these people feel good about themselves. Perhaps there are still relatives who need to hear that all is not true and deep inside would like to reconnect. Good luck and fight for your happiness, it is created, not given, remember that!

This may sound heartless, but maybe you're better off without them You go to church, you know God loves you no matter what, and if they don't understand that and won't hear your side of things, there's not much you can do about it, but pray and hope Good will out. As for you, I'll pray for you myself.

Here's another good piece of advice, write it down. In fact, Christine Crawford wrote about her "Mommy Dearest!" In my case, I'm habitually writing about my rotten sisters. And like Christine, I plan to turn it into a book. This is not only catharsis, but it's also my way of seeking justice!

You don't mention why your Dad didn't stand up for you when your Mom started this. You state, "This went on for years," where was your Dad? I don't think we are getting all of the story here. Unless your Mom had mental or emotional issues, it's hard to understand why she would have such a negative reaction to you at that age. Where was your Dad while this was going on, and what if anything did he say about this?

A friend of mine used to complain about not having a family. I had a good comeback for this. "It's better than having a family from hell!" My boyfriend said something similar. "At least you have a BIG family." I let him know that it doesn't matter when most of them don't care about me (aka - some relatives and my sisters). For years I wanted a real family, and I tried to make it such. But I realized this was never going to happen. All I did was "bang" my head against the wall. The "gist" is - is that you can't make them love you. I know this is very painful and not easy to accept. I came to realize that no matter what I say or do, nothing is going to change. In fact, the abuse got worse, aka a temper tantrum, the insults, dumping their problems on us - the emotional & financial, the rude & snotty treatment, the verbal jabs & digs, the back biting, etc. So it got to the point I no longer care anymore. I want to disown them! The only reason why I haven't is because my mom is still alive and I know it would hurt her. But if she dies before me, all bets are off! My best advice is, find a REAL family somewhere else. This could be close friends or by creating your own family. My real family is my mom, my corgi kid, my boyfriend, and some nieces and nephew(s). (Sadly, one nephew died.) God bless and I wish you the best of luck!
Sincerely, Michelle

Here is a link to a blog that you might find some use in-<br />
I'm just going to warn you, the content is all about physical, sexual, and emotional abuse written by a survivor. If thats something that would bother you I'm sorry please dont read it. Why am I suggesting it? Well, I really find comfort in his words because I can relate to alot of it. I interpret his posts as a really great way to validate what happened to him - the real truth uninterrupted, not the lies of parents or "family".<br />
<br />
http://proudlysensitive.wordpress.com/<br />
<br />
Not feeling alone in my struggles is what helps me the most. <br />
I hope this helps, and if it doesn't, I still wish you strength to overcome this to have a loving life that you deserve.

I understand how you feel, because I went through similar things with my family. My parents were abusive, liars, corrupt, thieves, and completely void of love or morality. They tried to control every aspect of my life, my friends, my hobbies and would not let me date anyone. However, I knew that I did not deserve their abuse, nor the punishments they inflicted on me, so I would do what I wanted to do. I never did anything bad or illegal, but I lived my life the way I wanted to. After too many years of their abuse, I left them and never looked back. I have been a ghost to them for over 12 years, and it feels so much better to be rid of them.

If your family has disowned you, don't feel too bad. Think of it as a release of pressure and an end to the abuse. You will never have to talk to them or deal with them again, and believe me, there is no better relief! Once enough time has passed by, you will say, "Why didn't I disown them myself, years ago?" Forget about them! And let them know you don't give a crap about them, and that you will do just fine without them. Then after a few years go by, and your life is just the way you want it, because they no longer control you, send them a note with no return address and say, "You always held me back and tried to ruin my life. Now look what I can do without you being the problem you always were to me. I have succeeded by luck and chance, far better than you ever could, no matter how hard you worked! And what I did work hard for went far beyond your wildest dreams of what you could ever wish for in your own lives!"

When you believe and know in your heart that you are better off without your family pulling your tail all of your life, you will live a much better and more successful life. You no longer have to do anything to impress them or please them. You can do what you want to, and let your life be void of any of the anger and hate that they piled on you. Learn from their mistakes and don't let yourself become like them. It might be hard now, but after a while, you'll be so happy that this had happened. Go on with your life in happiness, joy and love for what you will build in your own life, your own new family, even change your name so that you have no ties to them at all. And once you have had that necessary time away from them, you'll know that you never needed them in the first place. Family that loves one another is blessed, but those that cause pain deserve FORGIVENESS, but nothing else. Good luck to you!

Unfortunately the only remedy is time.As time passes you will see things from a different perspective, and some of the bad experiences will override the good ones, and you will see that your family's love was subterfuge.My family were very controlling, manipulative, and coercive; to the point of telling me who could and couldn't be my friends, and who was appropriate for me to date, even up to my 30's!I realize in hindsight that I was protected from most of this until my grandmother (my mother's mother, whose birthday I was born on, so we shared a special bond) passed.I was overlooked when it came to people and events in my grandmother's eulogy, and was even forced to go home and wait for visitors, rather than go to her burial!My dad is a very distant and silent parent, and when he did talk to me it was never complimentary, and when it was something positive, there was always a negative side to it.My parents completely approved of my first wife, who like them was manipulative, coercive, deceptive, and somewhat of an emotional blackmailer.When we split up my parents basically took sides with her, and undermined my relationship with my daughter from that marriage; insisting they have equal or more time with her than I did.It came to a head when I met my new partner - now my wife of over 7 years.They didn't approve of her, claiming she was not appropriate for me.So much so, that my mother dropped a letter off at my counselors office, requesting he assist in breaking up my relationship.He called me, told me about it, and I struggled for years to deal with the consequences.It was touch and go whether my family would attend my wedding, they did, but it wasn't worth the effort.The family relationship has been strained to the point where estrangement is my current best option; it's taken me quite some time to get used to this, and it still hurts, and makes me feel lonely and abandoned, but it's still better than living in a family that wants to control, manipulate, and undermine me, and make me feel inferior, just because I don't want to live the life they think I should.There is no easy way to deal with all this, but supportive friends, a good counselor or psychiatrist, and an understanding doctor (and possibly medication) will help.It's also important to concentrate on those that do care about you, whether they are friends, other family members, or even pets, as well as yourself.You can't change other people, but you can take care of your own physical and mental health, which includes eating healthily, regular exercise, and knowing when you need to have time out to be quiet and by yourself, whether that be gardening, reading, meditation, or going for a walk to clear your head.Incrementally it all makes a difference, but there are no quick fixes; that said, you may find one day that you wake up feeling good, and accepting of your situation; when that happens make a note of what you're thinking and feeling, and what brought you there, so you can refer to it later to help out when you're feeling down.

You are blood relatives somehow one day everyone will know that you are part of the family and about disowning you can also contest that to court and appeal because you are daughter by blood and if your parents have means or other things that they own its natural that you also be one of those who will get share. Somehow even they will not come to your wedding just send them invitation so they will know. Afterwards try to consult lawyer about inheritance and what best you can do about it.

sounds like your poor excuse for a mother is the one that needs mental health care but she is a Canadian and what can you say about her and her family when they are all Canadians.....stay strong and when you have your children give them all the love that you did not receive...just because we are related in some way to people does not require us to like them.... they are people and sounds like they are weird people....

It's a very sad situation, I have had my own tumbles in life but not disowned by my whole family. The only advice I can give you is to put it all behind you set some goals and prove the lies wrong just by living your life to the fullest and succeeding when and where ever you can. Trust me those type of people are still trying to keep tabs on you and maybe hoping you fall flat on your face. PROVE THEM WRONG. Hope you have success in life and remember blood does not make you family (my view) friendship, caring, and love do. Take care and best wishes

Wow, your mom is a *****. I am so lucky to have a family that loves me, and you should get that luck because it feels good :)

I'm going to keep this short. My momster allowed her new pedaphile alcoholic husband rape me when I was 4 years old. It continued until I was 9 when they divorced. My mother says they divorced because of me. She knew about it because my brother of 15, and myself told her. As an adult I asked her why she did that. She said he promised to not touch me anymore. I left home at 15 and never returned to live in her house. I kept a good relationship with her throughout my life. I am now in my 50's. In 2008 she said she wanted me out of her life, and didn't call for 4 months.<br />
<br />
We repaired the relationship, and again in 2013 she cast me out of her life, told lies to the rest of the family. She told family and friends that I was trying to kill her and that I did kill her 3rd husband. Today, 8 months later, I have no family. My sister believed her lies and filed a restraining order against me and also filed elder abuse charges. Both were dropped by the court but still cost me 5K in attorney fees. I used to have a good relationship with my sister until she believed the lies. I don't want them back. My momster is a cold calculating mean old lady. She is not happy unless she has someone on her hate list and is on a mission to destroy them. It has been her sister and caregivers in the past. <br />
<br />
Am I wrong to go on a path to never speak or see her again? It breaks my heart, but it it is too painful to be cast out. <br />
<br />
I've survived breast cancer, bilateral reconstruction, chemo, heart surgery, spent 3 weeks in hospital for malnutrition from pancolitis, medication induced lupus, bilateral uveitits. I have a gorgeous husband and a 34 year happy marriage. Should I just run or repair the damage?

My mother was a horrible mother from the start. She had me at 14, and I guess had no idea what to do with me. I was always in the care of my beloved grandpa, or on of her ****** up friends. As the years went on my mother chose stripping as a profession. Let's just say no one at school knew what my mother did and I was embarrassed to introduce my friends to her. At age four my mother gave birth to a little girl she named Precious whom she gave up for adoption. At age five she married a man who hated everything about me. We caught constantly, my mother hardly ever took my side, I felt abandon most of the time by everyone. At eight, my brother was born. The golden child who did no wrong. He was praised, loved, accepted. Especially by my mothers husband, as it was his son. At age eleven they separated. And I was to blame. I never accepted his as my father, it was my fault that they fought all the time, and I pushed him out of my brothers life. Then a few months later my mother found another man to come into our lives. He was a drug user. He abused pills, did coke, shot up. And soon my mother followed suit. I spent most of my teen years raising my brother while my mother and her boyfriend got ****** up in their room. Through all this I loved my mother. The times she told me she hated me. The times she gave me a bloody nose, beat me with her shoes, whipped my *** with the belt, locked me away in my room like a prisoner. I hated wherever we lived. I hated my life. I attempted suicide at 14, but I was to much of a coward to fallow through. My mother missed all my events, cheer leading. Band. But my brothers she attended. I hold no resent towards my brother anymore. It wasn't his fault. At 16, I got pregnant. I lied to my now husband about who the father was at my mothers request. My husband has given me the courage to stand up to my mother. He is my back bone. My rock. Everything solid in my life is because of him. We have two beautiful daughters, and I couldn't be happier. My mother has met both my daughters. Even tried to take custody of my oldest after I gave birth to her. But when that didn't work out, she left the hospital in a rage and didn't come back. I didn't want her at the hospital for my youngest. She doesn't deserve to know them. Or to hurt them the same way she did me. I left a lot out. But this is the summary of my life.

both sides mums and dads side have disowned me mums side because i was my farthers daughter in other word i was a smith fake not good enough we where outcasted but mum treated my half brother like a king as her side fussed over him theres a huge age gap he was at high school when i was born he was the fav in the nest he got birthday and christmass presents etc anyway we moved by with my dad mum had left him when i was 4 yrs old and moved well away so i didnt remember my dad i only got any contact when i was bullied at school i thought i was adopted because my mum and brothers names where jones while mine was smith ???? we moved back to my dads scary and exciting by that time i was 8 yrs old sorry this is a book hard to explain otherwise i didnt know my dad but we bonded quick now i didnt even know i had aunts and uncles 9 of them plus cousins it was a shock plus another granny i was gobsmacked the reception was lukewarm remember im 8 yrs old the nasty uncle and one of the older end told my dad to his face he thought i was another mans child not a smith as i was dark haired others had blue eyes fair hair though dad has brown eyes and dark hair ?? only one of brothers and sis with brown eyes they all had same farther and he was dna proved you can see this was a fun time he was my farther still i was shunned my younger cousins where given presents meals etc stayed overnight wait this is a corker he said i had to pay for my meals at my own grandmothers house while my two female cousins ate there dinner onwardly giggling at me i felt humiliated beyond belief my grandma bless her was great she made me my dinners anyway told him i was as much intitled as rest as i was same but from that day it went down hill an aunty ive never really liked her but she was familey began to lie about me she told my mum when i was 12 that id told her some shite about my mum being better than my nana /grandma i never said it ever but who do you believe an adult with her own child or a 12 yr old she grinned at me she knew i couldnt fight back and now she has taken my inheritance and turned another fam member against me who came over from auss id never met him before was excited as a puppy shouldve learnt really 1st 2 times im thick yes she told him id said somthing about my other aunt who had passed from breast cancer nice he looked at me full of venom he wouldve killed me i think but i was 16 then he told me he would walk away and never look back thats whats happened my whole fam are mental either them or me not sure anymore sorry i wrote an encyclopedia wow feels great to unload oh to top it yeah sorry get it all out they say my best friend who i grew up with shared secrets etc just told me we couldnt be friends anymore because i have a mental health condition she dosnt want that influence round her babys wtf i have bi-polar and social anxiety not surprising really????????????????

take ur fiance n RUN..haha Good thing you found someone while they were trying to tear down ur esteem_interview several counsellors-n when one feels like a good fit-tell ur story-the validation will heal-

My mother stopped speaking to me 13 years ago after many years of rejection and lies. The strange lies were there to set the stage for taking as many family members with as possible. A few years ago, after my Uncle passed away, the family wanted to get together without a funeral. I was on the email list and responded. The world didn't come crashing in, so I naively became excited and hopeful. Months later in the planning process, the one Aunt who loves me mentioned we were staying with her and was hoping to have a BBQ. Minutes later my step-father replied with 'we won't be coming'. One by one, the rest of the group didn't feel comfortable continuing without my mother. I replied to all and said to continue with their plans, I would change my trip dates. I heard nothing from anyone. My Aunt and I coordinated new dates, paid the change of res fees only to find out later that they changed their dates secretly, leaving not only me out, but my Aunt, who dared not to hate me.

I'm heading back to Texas this for wedding and beginning the trip with a visit to my Aunt's. The other relatives want to come by and see me. I can't understand this and it makes my fearful. My stomach is in knots and I don't have the courage to say no, this my vacation, I don't want to spend it as a curiosity for my mother's lap dogs. So, I prepare, pack and worry.

None of these people have ever met, let alone acknowledged my daughter. I didn't grow up with these women. The whole thing is just weird. I have no faith that their intentions are good, but again don't want to be the small, petty person and say no. The feeling of being disowned never really goes away. It helps to have strong relationships with mentors and friends. But, you always want it known and acknowledged that this is wrong, undeserved and cruel.

it is very wrong i agree i have a husband but his familey have passed away he is older than me i have no freinds as i only had 3 so called friends in school i cant work due to very bad health i am very lonley i just dont understand how blood can hurt each other for what reason ???

Seeing as your family is a Christian family I would make a religious gesture such as giving your mom 30 pieces of silverware

Oh my..it's my story in your words, only my Father is still alive, but sick along with other family members. He has chosen to shut me out too unless I apologize for something I said that was true & I just can't again, I have for so many years. I have tried so hard to prove I wasn't the crazy one & that I am here for everyone & begged to be a part of family & get togethers, even before that argument that started all this up again. I don't even without a diagnosis of anything during my childhood or even now. Except anxiety & no one will even ask my side of this, she plays this "Poor Me" game & tells everyone how horrible I am & I was, she says it in a way that can't be proven a lie, but instead an insinuation towards me that no one else will see. Even when things were "good" I wasn't invited to any family outings when other family came into town & sometimes wasn't even told they were here. I believe that was a trick to use for later. I would call numerous times to go with the family to breakfast before a flight, or other things like that & they would call me back after making up an excuse. At a family funeral last week I was treated as if I had a plague. She is telling people they had to refinance their home to help me out financially. That is not true. She has been telling me for 20 years they did have to refinance their home from a medical bill I had that I was within an hour of dying when I was a teen, but I think she is referring to that & making it seem like it was recent. I honestly would have preferred them to let me die than hold it over my head for 20 years. This has honestly been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I do have a wonderful boyfriend, kids & friends that have seen her ways & validated me. I could go on for years about the past, but past is past & this is now. I feel alone & isolated too, since I was 6. I am truly sorry & understand your pain & thank you for posting, I am glad I am not alone.

Dear Candahope
Thankyou for your reply I tried to answer before but I think I messed up and it did not go through.
I can tell from the little I know you that your a nice warm and kind person like I try to be also, maybe we make ourselves targets by being like this.

The ain does not go away and I must admit there are not many days that I do not think about what has happened to me and many days I shed some tears.

I think well if their intent was to hurt me they have succeeded and done a very good job. Its just so hard to think that your mam or even your dad would want to hurt their child like that, well one of them anyway.

Its very difficult not to start blaming yourself although I can honestly say I don't know what I did. Maybe I was a constant reminder to my mother and step father that I was not theirs I don't know.
I do now the hurt continues and as you get older its more of a deep pain as you understand you can do nothing about it. The only thing you can do is to try and surround yourself with what love you have in your life like spouse kids and grandkids etc.

I am sure we will have the pain for the rest of our lives and it definitely effects you as a person. WE will be stronger because of that and I remember one thing my old Grandmother said to me she was on her last legs and she hugged me and said don't worry mike god knows.

I feel sad and upset when I think of it but also gather strength in my very low times.

your friend Mike

my gran the good one has been gone many years but she was disowned by the son who told me to pay for my meals he met a woman he met at a bar lit took her home in front of my nan he showed this woman deeds to my nans house she was 75 at this stage to old to fight really and told this woman who was a con artist but thats another story if she married him had his baby the house was hers for the taking she snapped up that offer two weeks after my cousin was on the way nana was fuming they fell out the son disowned his mum they never ever made up i think it helped to kill her she had a silent heart attack and died two month after that anyway long story sorry she told me what goes around comes around but my aunty and whats left are still enjoying the wealth that was meant for all fam not just the few though that uncle died the wife has left dosnt talk to us last time i saw her she was arguing over his will he had only died mins earlier of cancer so maybe theres truth but though we got rid of the con artist my aunty the nasty one has taken over bad uncles spot got house in her name stopping us once again she gets the lot its a mini mansion the other uncles are learning disabled and she lied to them the bad uncle left his wife in charge she washed her hands and left them alone they have minds of well kids so she convinced them we are the bad lot she's the angel if you'd have told me this was how my life would pan out ????????? :o

wow this was like a mirror of everything im and have gone through both sides mums and dads side have disowned me mums side because i was my farthers daughter in other word i was a smith fake not good enough we where outcasted but mum treated my half brother like a king as her side fussed over him theres a huge age gap he was at high school when i was born he was the fav in the nest he got birthday and christmass presents etc anyway we moved by with my dad mum had left him when i was 4 yrs old and moved well away so i didnt remember my dad i only got any contact when i was bullied at school i thought i was adopted because my mum and brothers names where jones while mine was smith ???? we moved back to my dads scary and exciting by that time i was 8 yrs old sorry this is a book hard to explain otherwise i didnt know my dad but we bonded quick now i didnt even know i had aunts and uncles 9 of them plus cousins it was a shock plus another granny i was gobsmacked the reception was lukewarm remember im 8 yrs old the nasty uncle and one of the older end told my dad to his face he thought i was another mans child not a smith as i was dark haired others had blue eyes fair hair though dad has brown eyes and dark hair ?? only one of brothers and sis with brown eyes they all had same farther and he was dna proved you can see this was a fun time he was my farther still i was shunned my younger cousins where given presents meals etc stayed overnight wait this is a corker he said i had to pay for my meals at my own grandmothers house while my two female cousins ate there dinner onwardly giggling at me i felt humiliated beyond belief my grandma bless her was great she made me my dinners anyway told him i was as much intitled as rest as i was same but from that day it went down hill an aunty ive never really liked her but she was familey began to lie about me she told my mum when i was 12 that id told her some shite about my mum being better than my nana /grandma i never said it ever but who do you believe an adult with her own child or a 12 yr old she grinned at me she knew i couldnt fight back and now she has taken my inheritance and turned another fam member against me who came over from auss id never met him before was excited as a puppy shouldve learnt really 1st 2 times im thick yes she told him id said somthing about my other aunt who had passed from breast cancer nice he looked at me full of venom he wouldve killed me i think but i was 16 then he told me he would walk away and never look back thats whats happened my whole fam are mental either them or me not sure anymore sorry i wrote an encyclopedia wow feels great to unload oh to top it yeah sorry get it all out they say my best friend who i grew up with shared secrets etc just told me we couldnt be friends anymore because i have a mental health condition she dosnt want that influence round her babys wtf i have bi-polar and social anxiety not surprising really????????????????

I really feel for you and am suffering almost the same type of pain. My real father left when I was just under three years old and after many beatings which stay with me today. I know that sounds unbelievable that you can remember at that age but its true. Then I was alone with mam under really hard times when I guess she was the only person in the world that I had. Finally when I was 9 she met someone else and they got married. They moved far away and he adopted me but as time went on I realise it was obvious that the adoption it seemed was to save embarrassment for them and not for me, although when your young you don't understand this, life seemed not to bad ten they had a daughter of their own and that really was the end for me. Now maybe to cover what they felt they turned the whole family against me and I am completely disowned. My family or myself are never included in anything or even informed. My step father has unfortunately passed away now but my mother is still alive. She is going senile now and does not understand what is going on. But over time when she was alright she would even ignore my daughter and her two sons who are her right full great grandsons. The pain it causes me is without belief and there is not a day that goes by that it does not come into my thoughts. My real father never ever even came to see me when he left, it effects you very much and eventually you believe it is your fault and honestly I have done nothing. The family is not poor and now there is only my mother left out of three brothers and five sisters, out of al of the children my cousins (27) I am the only one that has not been included in any inheritance, its nice to inherit something not that its about money but to see that someone actually cared. I am getting old now and it seems to effect me more and more as I have had a hard life and have never been unemployed and had to work hard all my life and my health is starting to fail me a bit but I have to keep going due to my financial position. I find myself wondering all the time why what did I do who am I really who and what was my real father. I feel that when my mother was not married and we were together that we must have created a real close bond but now I know that was not true. I wonder if she hated my real father and is blaming me for their disastrous marriage.
MY step father I excuse somewhat as I was not his son and must have been a real issue being the son of another man, BUT my mother how can a mother treat her son like that. My half sister was always the chosen one and I had to look on while she had everything while myself nothing, this has made her think she is so much better than me and enjoys the situation. As you get older you realise that there is no answer that will ever come to you t will always be the same as it is now but someone once told me remember Mike god knows for people like us its the only ease of the pain. It helps but does not fix the pain you feel. Maybe my note explaining that your not alone with your experience will help you I hope so. Its strange isn't it we can care about how other people feel and don't like people being hurt or suffering while our own parents care nothing about us and really enjoy hurting us. If that's what my mother wanted she has been very successful.

regards and blessings

Mike

Its quite ironic how I came across this today. I just woke up after seeing my boyfriend off to work, tried to lay down and go back to sleep and all I can think about is my mother and her having destroyed me mentally from her verbal and emotional abuse. As far as i can remember my mother wanted nothing to do with me. She was too busy with my brother who was the king of her world and could do no wrong but boy could i. My mother used to lock me in my room from 9 pm at night until 7 am because she said I was stealing when in reality I was so hungry because everytime that woman cooked she made everything I didnt like and made me sit at the table until 2 am forcing me to eat whatever it was she made which was usually brocolli until it caused me to throw up. Then she would yell at me and send me to bed still hungry. There were nights when I would have to pee out of my window because she wouldnt get up and unlock my door to let me use the washroom. This all started around the time I was 11 give or take a year. I dont remember everything because my mind has chosen to block it out but this morning I remembered myself crying because my mother was yelling at me and she would just mimic every sound I made while I was crying, i felt so helpless and angry but knew if I said anything that when my dad got home she would tell him i did something awful to stress her out and make things difficult for her and thats when things got bad. My dad, i love him hes my bestfriend and ive chosen to forget everything he did to me as a pre teen and even what continues on till today. Its sad that he chose to turn on me the way he did to keep her happy. I was not trusted in the house as a young teenager because my mom said I stole her jewlery when in reality we both knew it was my brother but she knew if she blamed it on me i would get another beating from my father ; what i classify as a beating : my dad used to throw 2L pop bottles at me, he would drag me from his room to my room by my hair, hes choked me and almost given me a heart attack when i was younger. A big part of me hates him for not protecting me and taking me away from the abuse. I was not trusted in the house therefore my mother would kick me out in the morning sometimes it was 6am sometimes 7am and tell me to find somewhere to go this was around 14 when I had just finished public school i wouldnt be allowed back home until either my mother or father were done work which was around 8 or 9 pm (sad right) so i walked around for 12 hours everyday didnt matter what the weather was like. Im now going to be starting counselling but i dont know if it will help. Theres so much more that she has done that i dont remember because my mind has pushed it far down because its too much to even think about and even after all of that, I find myself at 20 years old still yearning for the love of my mother even though I will never recieve it, thats all i wanted was to be accepted by her to feel her love, to have her tell me she loved me or even hug me but no it wont happen but for some reason I cant stop wanting to make her proud because maybe just maybe if i do something right she will say sorry and tell me she loves me and she wants to start again... But thats a slim to none maybe.

Wow, hey...I just somehow came across your story and it was like reading my own life story. This happened to me also and have struggled for years trying to deal.with the loss. I used to try to want to win them over but I have come to learn that I did everything I could and they just treated me so bad. All I can say is that I can empathise with you and know the pain you are experiencing. They will one day realise that they did such a terrible thing. You sound like a strong person like me and they are probably jealous. Keep strong and just love yourself. God bless.

Yes this has happened to me as well and the only thing I can say is it is their loss. You have to concentrate on loving and taking care of yourself for the ones that do love you!. I no from going thru this myself that your heart must ache, but I have learned to live with it and my boyfriend died suddenly in a car accident 2 years ago and his family did the same thing because of his mother's dislike for me, now I am totally alone and I have just decided to live for myself and my children and make the best of life and love as much as you can with the people who do care about you! And never go to bed angry and when they leave to go to work or school ect. Always tell them that you love them, because they could be gone in an instant and that it final. I pray for you and your heart though it may be broken it can be fixed. Reesi

Reading ur words i relate.. Its so sad how some people like us grow up feeling constantly like the black sheep of the house. I always felt misunderstood. Unloved enough, ugly, the bad girl, why? Cos my mom made me feel so, or didnt defend me when someone said something negative about me. My dad too, he used to make me feel that he was ashamed from me. I always felt that i was not good enough. That i was different from my siblings, physicaly and the way i think. This effected me alooooot during my childhood and teenage, i used to cry in silence at night cause i couldnt explain to my mom how i felt she would have never understood my feeling. At school it was hard cos she wanted to seperate my friends from me cos the principle lied to her and told her that they wer bad influence on me, so did he say to their parents, and when i tell her he is lying she wouldnt believe me, she never does. She spreads rumors about me and she calls me names, i understand that one somone is angry he say things he doesnt mean, but sometimes it shows when u mean things. When i was just abour 13yrs old she got angry about a ridiculous thing and started chasing me in the house and i ran from her cos she wanted to hit me, then she called me a *****, at just 13 she called me a ***** and i remember feeling like oh my mom thinks im a *****. It made me feel bad, and my dad heard her but did not defend me, he is always negative with me like that and if someone do bad things to me he accuses me of starting the trouble or he says to me to just take it easy.... Now i grew up and am not a teenager anymore, but these little things, keep chasing me, im a cute girl, and people tell me am beautiful, and i know i am, but i just dont believe any compliment because growing up my brother in the presence of my mom told me ur hair is very bad and she laughed about me. I remember i smiled to him in pain and then walked away to lock my self in the bathroom and cried. Today my bro keeps on insulting my physical apperance when in my turn i always gives him compliment because i dont want him to feel less worthy than he is. The most painful part today, is that i get literally heart pain and i start massaging my chest to ease the pain, i have had many stabing from my family lately that now i dont trust none of them anymore. Everytjne they hurt me i feel literaly like a strong stab in my heart, and its so much pain and saddness that i lock myself in my room and cry dramatically. All my siblings dont care as much as i do about my parenta. I spent the last years helping my parents out with their work because they cant do it without help. I neglected myself,my life and at the end of the day my mom tells rumors about me, she said to my brother that i dont help her, and that am lazy...its all lies and it hurts because when u dedicate urself to help someone out, and then he treat u that low. It feels extremely down sad and depressing and heartbreaking. My siblings dont even feel my pain, they treat me like a machine. And my mom never treated me like her daughter. What can i say...if i keep talking ill never stop...

Hi-my fam is toxic too-sooo exhausting-I'm wishing you well-best suggestion is to find a counselor for validation. screw th jerks trying to bring you down_youre better then tht!!

That's so sad! why would your mom go against you for no reason its just wrong! I feel really bad for you =(

My grandmother recently passed away and she and my mother were verry close. They lived together for many years and even vacationed together. This made my mother crazy and unable to be logical. I was the go between with her and my aunt (the trustee) and there was a lot of money at stake. Long story short, all my siblings are doing whatever mom wants for the money and when I disagreed with her, I was written off. I am the oldest and raised my siblings so mom could work. It is such a betrayl and a heartbreak.

I too come from a family where my mother had favorites and she was abusive even to her pets. I have a older sister who thought I was one of my mom's pets, I was just the youngest and at times when I was younger it appeared as though she really looked out for me. However, when i got older and was only child in home she would use mental torture and abuse to control me. I never did anything right. Well now she is dead and my older sisters have taken over her role, they have tried to hold me back from having a life, made fun of anyone that loved me, relish in my failures. Did I mention they molested me and my other younger sister when we were young. I ask why was I put through this. When my mother was dying they tried to keep me from her side because I was the one who took care of her. They made up stories that i used my mother and it was by brother who was using her to pay his child support. I only watched over her and helped her anyway I could when she wasnt attacking me. My older sister has turned all my siblings against me. They needed help and she helped them in order to control them and it has worked. I have no one. I feel for all who experience these injustices and have no one to turn too.

My husband passed away a few years ago. After him a friend from high school
stalked me and my son. My family did not believe me and they turned their backs on me!! They all talk about me behind my backs. I used to get along great with everyone. It has been a nightmare. I don't know how family can turn their backs on you when we need them the most. I meet strangers who are more loving, understanding, and kind than my own family. Thank God my aunt believes in me. But her daughter sides with the others. I don't know why they also made up rumors about me. I'll never understand!

Obviously I have similar problems or I wouldn't be reading this web page. Oddly my mother hasn't completely turned her back on me but I think those of you she has are better off than me. I live in a situation in which my mother goes along as if everything is ok then when I'm vulnerable and least expecting she swoops in and strikes. I don't have the heart to eliminate her from mylife but feel I may have to just to maintain a healthy existence. I'm not a perfect person but the position of mother sure leaves them holding all the cards doesn't it? Never imagined my relationship with anyone in my family could become so rotten. It's just sad really and like all these entries we must carry on. Maybe she resents my position and the power I hold as her son as much as I hate her power over me.

I have a simerler expireance. i am an aussie. I grew up never knowing my dad then when i was sixteen and a half i decided to get in contact with him. it went so well that i decided to go vist him. that went so well. i felt liked for once i belonged to a family and wasnt being treated like a child or baby.as my mother does to this day. then my mother decided to get married to her boyfriend of four years. i decided to come back for that. and once i came back she decided to use her tounge to get me to stay and look for work which i did this caused my father to hate me because i listend to my mothers lies and therw all the help they gave me back into there faces. then last year i decided to go and live with dad again this did not go well as i also have mental health issues. so after my second hospitalisation. they decided it was for the best to lock me up in the house for six weeks. they later reiterated that i could go out if i had a minder with me. then a week before my 18th birthday i went out and something happend which upset me. i went home and dad wanted to try and sort it out for me. which only upset me further. i guess i never really have been able to control my emotions. and my mother played to this. and conviced me it was in my best intrests to come back home. which i did this infureated my step mother whiched caused her to say i am not my fathers son. and im not allowed to talk to him. but i still like i got on with them better then i have ever gotten on with my mother. and had it not been for mums interfering ways i would still be living with dad to this very day i would probly be happy and content then miserable and depressed. even though i suffer from depression i was less depressed when i was with my father. and to this day i still feel like i had a better relationship with m step mother then my own mother. i hope you enjoy reading this

My mother always hated me too, ever since I was born. She excluded me from every family function and never spoke to me, fed me, read to me or paid any attention to me. She never loved me. I have learned to disregard her views. She must have been dropped on her head. What person does not love her own baby and spend their lives caring, nurturing, loving that little baby that grows to be her child that would be a wonderful relationship to cherish. A child is a treasure and when a mother does not treat a child as a dear blessing and treasure, there is something mentally or morally wrong with that mother. This does not make the loss to the child of a mother and the love the child deserves. Maybe it will make it make a little more sense. It is not correctable. That type of mother loves the control drama she creates. The role of a mother is such a powerful position. There is no one that can take the place of the mother and her love and protection. If you, as a child of a morally and emotionally disabled mother, survive this woman, look around and see that you are loved in other ways. You can not replace that mother. No one is going to adopt you. You will have to find meaning and love in other ways and see that you have a perspective of compassion for those who face a life with abuse and without the love they deserve. Become an advocate, spend every day being the best person you can be and work to find peace and love from an eternal and holy place. You will find comfort and peace there.

Nothing makes any true sense for being disowned by family. my hurt is still fresh, only 7 months. I have days of being mad as he**, and ok days, and days of crying. But I can tell you this, if there was ANY reason even a little minor one(reason) they could use to justify themselves, they would latch onto it. You are loved, and there are so many of us that have compassion for you, just keep going on, it will get better...kathy

My twin sister my mother, my other sister who is older, and my nephew have all disowned me. I live in NC they live in CA I still don't know why they have... It doesn't make sense but it has to do with my twin sister losing her 21 yr child daughter a yr ago, she is the catalist for all this.. Made things out more than what they were, has lied to my mother... My mother all my life has listened to her and loved her more, my own mother... My own twin... I'm left with a feeling of complete sadness, confusion and bewilderment. My mother is not all together up stairs in the head straight. She believes anything ever told to her even by strangers, she is the type to listen to Long Island Medium and believe it and buy the enquiror to read. This family out in CA is so disfunctional is the reason I moved to NC because they never came to even visited me and made me out to be a liar when I told the truth on things that happened in the family. My mother has gossiped to family members an d all my life has said bad things to them about me. I don't know why I still care. I should not, I'm a good person I derserve respect and love.

I'm so sorry, I'm with you it sounds a lot like my mother too. Which has disowned me too. How can we go on with this sadness, I'm sad... I don't get how mothers can be so cruel.

When I was two years old my Mother passed away from cancer, she had left behind my older sister and my father and me. My dad went through a lot when I was young to make sure we had food on the table. When things started to look up for him he started to date this women from the daycare I was in. I thought how awesome it would be to have a mother so I loved her right off the bat. Because I was so young I didnt realize how badly my older sister was being treated. My dad had eventually married her and they had gotten pregnant with their own child. Thats when all the tables turned, she had made up with my sister and became bestfriends with her, to this day my sister says she was the issue and it was her fault my step mom acted like that when it wasent, but again now they are bestfriends. When my step mom had my half sister I remember everyone saying "Now you finally have your OWN child". I was really hurt, I thought I was her own child. Shortly after the birth of my half sister my step mom started to really verbally abused me, and punish me by telling me I couldn't go see my grandparents. It got worse and worse and then she became physically abusive towards me. In grade 7, I finally realized what she was doing was wrong so my friend had convinced me to tell someone. I told my teacher and that night I was put into foster care. My dad never believed me and my older sister was mad because I was "ruining" the family. After a couple years in foster care I had moved back in with them, this time she wouldn't hit me because she new she would go to jail, instead she made my life hell and would do secret things, like trip me and walk away and pretend she didn't do it, or steel things from my dad and blame it on me so he would get mad. She even went as far as putting a lock on the pantry door so I couldent eat any food I wanted but my half sister could eat all she wanted. Eventually, children's aid deiced to take me out again. I was so hurt and angry that I was being kicked out again that I tried to take my life. My dad wouldent come see me in the hospital because he was going camping. I talk to my older sister from time to time but we are constantly fighting because she doesn't consider me a family member. My step-mom wont allow me to have any communication with my half sister. My dad would walk right past me if I went downtown and not even try to talk to me, I waited at the same bus stop as him before and he didnt say a word, when I called him out on that once he said he didn't recognize me. I hadent seen them for over 6 years until my sister invited me to her wedding as a random guest. It was like I was sitting in a snow globe watching my whole family, I felt as though I didn't even exist. My dad said hello to me and that was about it. When I had called him once when I needed help and somewhere to stay he told me he had to ask my step-mom who said she wouldn't allow it, so I had to stay on the streets that night. I find it keeps getting worse and worse and this pain of being left out wont ever change. For along time, I blamed myself but have since come to realize I was just a kid. If I was so terrible, I wouldn't have all these people surrounding me telling me they love me. I guess its true what they say, family doesn't have to be biological.

I am 27 now and my mom still treats me badly like how she did since I was so much more younger. As I am all grown up, kinda having this feeling that the magnitude of the problems that she is causing me is rising. When I was 12 she used to beat me up real bad when I dont complete my revision books, that includes grabbing my hair and banging my head to the wall. When I was 8 I got 74% for my Math exam and she caned me real bad. Not enough of that she locked me in a room without food and water and clothes till dark. At that times I always felt that it was all my fault and being a bad daughter. Now she is turning all my siblings against me. I am the eldest and the situation where my 3 younger sisters do not have the slightest respect for me at all is really frustrating. She supports them even though they talk bad about me when I dont go along with their plans and ideas sometimes. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend from a diff religion for the past 7 years and she was totally against it saying that he is a bad guy and just not good for you, but he was such an angel and a medical doctor at the main hosptal in town. I wasnt sure if she never wanted me to be happy living my life ... I am just still clueless. We broke up 2 years back as she was threatening me that she'd hire people to hurt him. Now I just want to be alone, I am unsure if I am just ignoring this unending situation or tired of battling my mom's horrifying plans she had for me. I just wished she'd change and my sisters to be more respectful but I dont see a slightest positive change in anyone. God please help them

I´m 15 and going through a similar stage. My mom hates me and has turned my brother and sister against me and almost all her side of the family against me. I try not to give a **** although it is affecting me, only my dad understands me. Even though she is my mom I have learned something. Give 0 ***** to the people who give 0 ***** to you i try to appreciate my dad all i can and I always call him and talk to him when he is working away. Just get married **** your husband till it hurts and eventually your mother will call.<br />
Even if she was your father´s wife, he needs you to be strong so just continue on you´re too young to be worrying about that. Only I can't feel the same since I am a male.

I'm sorry. I'm going thru the same thing. I have no family, my mom has turned everyone against me. She has passed on and left the family in a mess. I feel your pain and pray to god it will get better for you.

I just came across this site tonight and am deeply touched by some of the posts written. I too have been disowned. Like many of you, I have combed the internet looking for answeres to a situation that never made any sense. But I do know why my parents disowned me. Throughout my entire childhood I was victimised both physically and verbally until I was so beat down in spirit. I was 29 before I found the courage to finally stand up and say "this is wrong!". I confronted my alcoholic mother, who tolerated the abuses my father, and suggested they seek some kind of help before something terrible and irreversible happens. (There is more, but it would take so many complicated writings to explain it all.). The next day, I was told to get out and never come back, with explenatives I cannot write. They proceed to tell me it was all my fault that they were like they were. They also told me how much they hated me and wished they never had me. And because I mentioned that no one should be treated like myself, they asked who the **** did I think I was that I deserved better in life and if they did not want me, no one else would. They have even gone as far as telling relatives that I was bad to them and did things to make them disown me. None of them know what horrible things they did to my siblings and I. One has passed away some time ago. Etc. Its been over 20 years since then or longer and I have since married and had a child they will never see. I have an older sister who was also abused and she still has contact with them. But she is so messed up, she even treats me badly, through no fault of her own, mentally. Long story there. I have been fortunate to find <br />
my husbands family who loves me. But it still hurts not to have your own side of a family in your life. I have since found ways to satisfy my need to give to others, but there is still that empty place. I am a survivor though. Always have been. Its just nice to be able to let it all out and share with others who are or have gone through it. Just know it is NOT your fault. I wish you with all sincerity, the happiness and peace you deserve. Thank you.

if youare in love the hell with family sounds like they would be a problem<br />
<br />
any way and it tis there loss<br />
<br />
how is his family for support in our love for each other

Hello everyone, I am very deaf. I grew up in hearing family. My mom did not accept my deafness.. she placed me into different family like grandparents, aunts. I ve tried to building better relationship with my mom but she ignored and neglect me all the time.. when there is a party.. She is always embrassed bec of I am deaf in this family.. they left me out all the time I always be lonely for long long time. I believe it cause me to have depression all the times.. <br />
My mom hurt me so much with all of my life. One Day I wrote a long long letter to my mom. I guess It made her guilty what she did it to me. <br />
I m in deep love her so much but I don't understand why She disowned me for what??? maybe if it is my deafness ???? when her friends asked my mom about my deafness She don't want to talk about that.. She thinks that It is her fault to cause me deaf.. It is not TRUE.. I already Know that God did gave her a special child like me. She always blame me for what i did not doing wrong She thinks that I always cause the problems at home.. It is not TRUE. <br />
I finished school at ILLINOIS SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF.. I was succesful to learn lot about the world and how to learn with independent living I did always visited my mom most of times til my second marriage did hurt us so much.. and I did thank her to took care of my precious hearing children. <br />
<br />
When my hearing children grow up as adults. One of my daughter was very exciting to bring her son It was my mom's first great grandson. but She don't want to see it and It hurt my daughter's feelings and she blew it up on my mom little later on my sister heard them and my sister hitted my daughter so badly I feel that my mom torned up the family <br />
<br />
I pray to God all the time I hope that my mom and I could be reunite again. but nothing work It is hurting my feelings.. It make me so depressing everyday .. I feel like that I lost my mom ? I don't know if it is my fault or her fault ??? <br />
<br />
I have seen hearing parents with deaf children have a good life.. It made me feel bad.. why not my mom can be likely their hearing parent with deaf children. <br />
<br />
I am so proud of my daughters who learned sign languagues to communicate with me everyday. I guess my mom might be jealous I don't know to do.. <br />
<br />
Last 2 months ago I heard that my mom was in hospital and it was very serious. She was in ICU it worried me so much and my mom and sister won't tell me the whole story what happen to herI feel like that they ignore me and I just found out that my mother and her 4th husband DENNIS told my aunt (my mother's sister) that they wanted me out of their life.. they thinks that I have temper tantrums, dramas. and etc.. I don't think so.. bec I can't hear what is going on.. I know It is not true.. because I feel that they won't tell me what is going on It is real hurt my feeling <br />
<br />
I pray to God everyday to forgive my mother and sister to forgive them for hurtig me so much <br />
<br />
I m looking for a good bible verse that God wants the hearing parents treat the deaf children properly. <br />
<br />
I m very griefing so much <br />
<br />
thank you <br />
strawberryblondie.. <br />
<br />
please respond me as you can GOD BLESS YOU ALL..

it is true. I remember when I held my first grandchild, I decided there and then, My family begins with me, and is now 3 generations. <br />
Needles to say with the stories on here, it is lways the same play, only the actors playing the role change over the years.<br />
My story is similar, I hope you dont have to wait until 50 for closure like I did. Bessings to you.

you just have to stay strong and build your own family, eventually that will continue and be what is important while your previous "family" will eventually fade away. It will take time and you will have moments of hurt, just roll with it and stay strong.

Im 13 been through a simler situation, my mam kiked me out and started seeing loads of diffrent men after she broke up with her 14yr relashionship with my dad she had me along with a 7yh boy with mild autisum with my dad.I went to go live with my dad and my brother stayed with her (why kick just me out i thort ?), its bee a year and she is starting to comearound and realasise what she done it upsets me because she starts cring on the phone saying she is sorry i want to go back to the mam she was but too much as happed since then.I am verry happy now living with my dad i just kept looking to the futer neverlooking back and i egnoren everythink bad that has happend.I think my mam has a brakedown or somethinhk because now she regrets everythink, you have just got to be strong :)

Your mother may have a mental illness that the other family members are ignoring. No matter what ...IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. This may sound kinda nuts but I would suggest putting an ad in the paper. State your name, age, race, hobbies, & religion. State what you are looking for in a parent. You may encounter someone who just needs a hand to hold. There are a lot of baby boomers out there who could use the company.<br />
<br />
Its sounds weird but it works : )

I am so sorry. While my situation isn't the same as yours, I know what it is like to live largely without extended family. On both my mother and father's side of the family, starting before I was even born, there was alot of pettiness. People would get annoyed with someone and talk to everyone but the person the so-called problem was really with. Others would tell flat out lies that other family members believed without anyone asking the other party what had happened or what their take was on the issue. I still contend it was like a bad game of telephone. They are so bad that most of them didn't even have the guts to tell someone they were speaking to them. That person had to find out by accident. Apparently, many of my extended family members are never wrong, and what is more, there are also 2 sets of rules- the ones that apply to them, and the ones for everyone else. There was alot of "do-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-do." As a result, I grew up without most of the holiday gatherings and family pictures everyone else had. Even today it hurts to look at family albums that have picture in them in which I don't appear. I did not see them often ever, but after the age of about 7-8, next to never. I really still don't feel like I have an extended family. On my dad's side, the only relative I met was his mom, who was a nice lady, but was sick. I would not know his brother or father if I passed them on the street, which I feel is sad. My parents have always thought all of this pettiness and these useless grudges are a waste of time and of a life that passes fast. We don't get it back. In all of this though, the kids in the families really suffered from this. I never really had a chance to form a real bond with my cousins because of many of their parents. <br />
<br />
I know what you mean about them not being at your wedding. I am not married, but I have often said that when I do marry, my side of the aisle will be light. I am extremely close to my parents and brother. Still, part of me always wonders what it would have been like to have that great big family that some of my classmates in school or colleagues had. I realize that in this modern days family is not what it once was, which is sad. When I hear my older friends talk about their big family support systems I imagine it must have been nice. Every kid should have that, right?<br />
<br />
What the others have been saying here is true. I know that it hurts, especially because it was your mom who started all of this, and then seemingly everyone else just blindly decided to take her word without asking you about anything. You have to keep telling yourself that you were not the problem, even though I do realize that this vile act was done to you. It sounds like your mom might have snapped, or who knows, maybe even had a mental illness, and unfortunately you were her target. I have been there many times, and it is not fun. My mom is wonderful, but ever since I entered school I have had to deal with insecure people who would rather try to do me harm rather than deal with their own problems. Apparently people think that they can boost themselves up just by stepping on someone else's back. I don't know if your mother reasoned it out as such, or if she really was just, ill. The fact remains that this was not your fault, though you suffer for it.<br />
<br />
I am glad your fiance is supportive. I wish you much happiness. One good thing we can say is that I am fairly certain that when or if you decide to have children, you will be more aware of the power you will have as a parent in shaping their lives. The best gift you can give yourself and those you affect is to make sure the family you build is stronger than the one from which you came.<br />
<br />
I send you hugs and wish you much happiness:)

I no how you feel i,m 48 now and never get invited to family even for a coffee some people get off by making other people feel bad i,m not going to ruin my life over heartless people like that if ther that heartless for no reason there not worth dealing with so all disowned people out there don,t ruin your life over it your life is worth more thant that .

Yes i am going through a similar situation. My mom was abusive wen i was a child. When i was 13 i was so scared of her i told my dad about the abuse and he did nothing. I was kickd out at 15. Noone came to my graduation, my family didnt come to my wedding i havent even heard from any of them. Like u i was a good child. I came to realize the problem isnt me its them. U have to realize that u did nothing wrong. U deserve a better family and you have to create that family yourself. Surround urself with people that care about you. Dont let people crush your spirit. Some days it does hurt we are human we are not made of stone. Dont let the pain cripple you. It almost did me. You must realize its not ur fault. It is their loss that u are not n their life. I hope this helps. If u need a friend im here.