Myself And Young Son Disowned By FamilyI come from a large family that was rather chaotic at times and am the oldest. I was married at 18 to a very prominent, well known man in our community. By the age of 35 and 3 kids later, I started drinking and was in AA full time by the time I was 38 and have been clean and sober since then, 16 yrs. ago. My ex had cheated profusely and not ONE person in my family believed me. We were divorced and he immediately married the woman who had been waiting. Fine. I had long since lost respect for my ex.. Integrity doesn't allow one to cheat on their spouse. My ex and his wife are still invited to all of my family's functions and celebrations and for awhile, I refused to attend because of this. I was still married to him and my family invited his soon to be wife to family functions...go figure on that one!
Fast forward 15 yrs: I have an 11 yr. old son from a subsequent relationship whom my older children adore. I had built a successful business and was self-sufficient and then some. This past fall I went into a major depressive episode. I made sure I took care of my son but my business went downhill and as a result, I was evicted. Finally, I went into the hospital for depression. 70% of my immediate family is on anti-anxiety, anti-depression medications. I was told by a sister of mine that when I went into the hospital, IF I went in, I would have the full support of my family. I knew the place I was leaving wouldn't be clean or even completely packed. I told my sister that. I am not normally like that but for those who have dealt with depression, it's hard to do more than get out of bed some days. Two days into my stay, I had a message that my family was finished with me. Those who had moved my things out were very angry and I understood that and still do. It was a very bad day for everyone there. Had it not been for my son's father, I would have been on the street. I didn't qualify for rehab, which is where they all thought I would end up.
Enter into this picture my ex landlord aka slumlord. Because my mother had co-signed, he called her and told her he knew I was on drugs, my younger son's father was supplying me and my family bought this crap Unlike the majority of my family, I run away from the refrigerator instead of to it when stressed and/or depressed. I lose weight very easily and I MUST be on crystal meth. NOT ONE family member even bothered to ask me if this was true. They just assumed. I am now hearing from my old neighbors that the ex-slumlord is now telling others about my past. This is beyond insane.
This is because my mother told him what she THINKS she knows about my past. She wouldn't think of doing this to anyone else. I have a sister who lives over a 100 miles away and she is vicious. She's made no secret she was one who called Child Protective Services on myself and my son's father. I chose to allow my son to stay with his father while I was hospitalized. My family wanted my child. NO. This particular sister has done this kind of thing before. I've had to tell her to not call me. If she's angry, she's called as many as 20 times in ONE day. I have reached a point where I am now willing to have her served with a cease and desist order.
My mother and this sister in particular have been doing this for the past 15 years. I deserted my older children, when in fact my ex and I had joint custody. She has made it a point to meddle in my relationship with my older children and she thinks she has the right to do this. And as time goes on, the story has gotten worse. I used to try to explain myself. Not anymore. Now, not one member of my family is in touch with me, not even my older children. My youngest child has been devastated. He hasn't seen his older siblings. We weren't "allowed" to spend Christmas with them at all.
There's a cure for my mother and sisters who chose to live in my past. Don't be around them. I am done having boundaries crossed. But my youngest son has also born the brunt of their anger and that's just plain NOT acceptable. A child isn't going to understand this kind of thing, especially when I am teaching him about forgiveness.
TWICE, I had a man arrested, once for stealing my debit card and and one for another offense. Both were found guilty but because my family knew them, they bonded them out! Consequently, I don't trust my own mother as she is the one who engineered both. And my siblings go along with it. God forbid she shed her wrath on one of them. I've been accused of being responsible for my parents financial downfall as my father did help me in the past. What's interesting is that I have a brother who does no wrong in my mother's eyes, not even the 16K he ran up in credit card bills. And they turned around and helped him buy a house. I know it's my responsibility to pay for anything above the deposit on the place I was evicted from and I fully own that. I've also paid back as much as I could of what my father lent me.
My pain isn't over my sisters or even my mother. I've learned no matter what I say, they will believe whatever someone else says. It's over my grown children. I can't get past the pain of my own children not asking me, not even responding to me. I was accused by them of purposely going into the hospital to avoid moving. I went in because I wasn't functioning and some nights, I prayed I would not wake up in the morning. I am GLAD I got the help I needed and continue to do so. My business is slowly turning around and I keep pushing forward. I wrote to my older children and told them when they are ready, contact me and I'll tell honestly answer their questions. I always have.
Had I been leaving my child alone and sitting in a crack house, that would be one thing. I'm not. I am simply bewildered.