My Sisters Hate Me

Both of my sisters have stopped speaking to me since I lost my job and moved back in with our mother. I made overtures to both of them to be friendly, asked what I had done to offend them and basically turned myself inside out trying to reconcile with them. My mother concluded that they are jealous and feel that she has helped me more than she has helped them (she would have helped them too, if they'd needed it) and also that they are concerned that my kids and I are eating into their "inheritance." (As if there was WAS an inheritance.)  My mother has run into financial problems for which I know they blame me and they told her they wanted a "meeting" to discuss it.  I got insanely curious about what they were trying to accomplish and I hacked my sister's email. (Her "security" question was a no-brainer.)  What I found blew me away. More than 2 years worth of daily emails between both sisters in which they rip me apart. One sister speaks to my mother almost daily by phone then apparently jumps online and recites her twisted version of whatever my mother tells her about what my kids and I are doing, etc. Then they just shred me. They refer to me as "The Queen."  Laughed uproariously about my attempts to befriend them. Discussed their plans to evict me from the house when my mother dies (I don't plan to still be here, but I guess they don't  realize that.) They make snide remarks about my parenting. They take the most innocuous or even nice things my mother tells them and just go to town. I guess I deserved this for snooping, but I'm devastated. I loved them. I cried for weeks and still cry when I think about it.  I've begged my mother not to tell them anything about us, good, bad or indifferent, but that is a lost cause. What I want to know is how do I just get over this and go forward without caring what they think??? I don't see EVER reconciling. I don't think I'd want to now that I've seen how they talk about me. My feelings are so hurt. Funny think is they were never close until they bonded over me as the common enemy. I'm rambling now........ I need to talk to others who understand how this feel
HeadHeldHigh HeadHeldHigh
46-50, F
17 Responses May 17, 2011

OMG.... I am so sorry. But, in a strange way happy because my prayers are being answered. I go thru the same crap, just add a brother, take away the kids, through in a debilitating disorder and you have my life. I would love nothing better than to talk to you. I hope that you check to see your responses!!!!! I have been ditched by my siblings for 15 years now all because I got very sick and had to have brain surgery, so after I had it they decided in their pathetic minds how and when I should be back to work and out of my parents home. I had to live w them because I needed help from my illness. So, anyway, they have all decided that my surgery's, 17 now, that really only 3 could of really happened. Like what. I pay the doctors to keep me in hospital, ICU, for 3 weeks just for the hell of it. So please if you get this please e mal me at tastyshots@aol, would love to talk to you. Thank you for being courageous enough to put it all out there. I am so sorry, I know it hurts, I feel it too, pathetic. JUDY

Thank you for your story!
I realize thst it was four years agohowever I finally feel that I am not lone.
I am the baby of my family and my two sisters disowned me 21years ago.
It has been a horrible situation.
Mom died in 1991 at a fairly young age and Dad remained.
My sisters are identical twins and they are quite opposit in personalities and not to mention 8 years older then me.
I suffered as a child always feeling left out and acted out horribly in my teens.
So much so that my parents were forced to remove me from the was not drugs or anything like was more suicidal tendencys due to the lack of love I received growing up from my mother and her mom.
It was tough however I prevailed
in time and started to regroup my life into a healthy direction.
I had relationship struggles however my wonderful Dad helped me through everything.
I fell in deep love eventually and this was not accepted since my husband to be was going through a divorce..this was totally unheard of in my family and I was brande. The "prodical child"and of course had my past thrown in my face.
Dad was ALWAYS BY MY SIDE!!!! This just infuriated my sisters because i struggled financially and Dad helped me a lot.
At one point my susters tried to get social services after me for abuse.
Dad was furious and called my crying.
I was well aware of this since he told me everything.
I helped him and he helped me.
My sisters had not spoken to me in years. They had no clue who or what I am in my life.
This tore my Dad up to shreds.
I told him that if this was going to cause so much pain I would dissappear since I did love my sisters.
Dad cried and said NO WAY.
Well years past and Dad and I remained super close.
He had congestive heart failure and wound up in a rehab facility to get himself back on his feet.
My sister went to his home to get his mail and got a hold of his checking account which there were checks made out to me.
She saw red and her husband (who my dad disliked) gathered atound him with my other sister and demanded the checkbook
Dad said NO ...he had all of hus faculties.
Not calling me ir asking me what wad going in they assumed that I was draining him dry
I paid ALL of his bills and my husband gave him copious amounts of money to help him in his debt.
Well they walked away from him and said they were DONE.
i drove 3 jours to get Dad and bring him home since they disowned him over me and their misconceptions of what was going on.
I moved in w Dad for a couple of weeks to make sure he was okay
Months later Dad fell in the middle of the night and needed stitches in his head. He was forced to call my one sister who lived 15 minutes away from him since I was three hours away
They picked him up and dropped him home w no care.
Dad called me the next day. I rushed to his side and explained that my husband and I would be more willing to get him into an assisted living facility. He declined so I hired a nurse.
A month went by and Dad fell again. It was time fir him to go upon my insistance.
We paid all expences and moved him in w NO help from my sisters
Dad was happy and safe and I felt relieved that he was okay
Well his chf returned and he wound up in the hospital. Once he moved into the assisted living facility my sisters started to visit him thinking that he oaid his way in there and supposedly cut me off what a joke
They put so much hurt on him in that year that they did not visit him that it ripped hus heart out
He could not understand why they did this to him
He would call me twice a day and we would talk about this all of the time while he cried he LOVED US ALL. I was so blessed to have a wonderful dad.
Needless to say he eound uo back in the rehab and I drove down to take him back to his place. We laughed wesang and he was so hapoy to have all if his daughters inhis life
He died the next day
I had finally seen my sisters after 20 years it was awkward and painful
I keep reaching out to one if them vua text because Dad told me to do so
I get one word answers or nothing at all
I try and wish that I could make a mends w them however this I realize will NEVER happen
I know the truth and I know how much Dad loved me so I am okay
They have no idea who I am ir how much I dud fir Dad financially
Its sad but true
I hope this helps someone

What is wrong with these people hurting us so badly. I know their hearts must be made of stone. They know they are hurting you and they just keep doing it. Unreal!!!! I am so sorry, I know how it feels, I have even tried to commit suicide to get away from it all, of course it didn't work, and then of course the hospital sent me to a Looney bin. Hheelloooo I told the doctors their to be me for a day...they said no thank you. Stay strong, we have to all help each other....

My sisters hate me too because they don't like my attitude

I'm the oldest sister of 5 girls. NO boys. My parents put me in charge of the little ones while our parents did their service for their church and all the callings that were asked or they asked for. As a young girl in the 60's to 1975 when I left home for college. Both parents would leave me in charge, not knowing how to deal with the little things like temper tantrums and things that were OUT of MY Control. So, I beat them up, kicking and screaming until Dad would get in between us and send us to Time-Out!.

I flipped out one day, fighting with a middle sister, grabbed a extension cord, whipped it to threaten this middle sister and I put my baby sisters eye out.

Do you think I've forgiven myself? It's taken about 100 years of feelings to express How Sorry I was at the time it happened..what could I have done? I've told myself.

The Under Tone of my sisters, even though they've forgiven me...NOT EVEN. It's all lip-service. I've forgiven myself with tons of therapy. I've asked for the baby sister if she'll ever forgive me. She said yeah, then laughed and walked away. I got my answer.

Based on each one of my sisters, they SAY they live a Christ Like life...I see it as Hell NO!!! I'm not going to be angry with them. I've un-friend them on social media and all the "other" family members.

Honestly, they don't care about you...that's how I'm seeing it. So, any problems, personal drama, it's really none of their business. They've hardly "LIKE" anything I've made as input. So, I'm going on with my life. My children and grandchildren are in my life. Both parents dead.

Hi there. I understand what you have gone through with your sisters as i am experiencing the same thing too. what did you do? I am so hurt, all i want to do is cry. I guess they even wanted my parents to disown me for a simple mistake i made and apologized about. They have always been different then me, I have been open, friendly and caring to all while they are more reserved and dont share much with anyone. They also make tons of money, and take lots of trips and stuff plus their marriages didnt work. Me and my husband been married for 16 years, have 5 kids and try our best. we have little money, but usually get by. we are just different people but they dont want anything to do with me anymore, and I will really miss my nieces. what can i do about this???my parents say to just leave it alone and let it die out. I cant figure it out.....

An update of my story.... first I read an amazing book called The Forgiveness Myth; How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on and Be Happy Again When You Can't or Won't Forgive by Gary Egeberg and Wayne Raiter. This book saved my sanity and I highly recommend it. I made the choice that being and continuing to try to be in their lives was too damaging to me and when my oldest sister got married I declined her wedding with a very honest letter stating that she, my other sister, and her fiance had done nothing but call me names, make snipes behind my back and act self-righteous about my living situation. I told her I could not imagine she really wanted me there and that I would certainly not be comfortable there. A few months later my partner was diagnosed with incurable stage 4 lung cancer. To my surprise my sister sent me a supportive email that seemed very sincere. Quite slowly I began to respond to her gestures and she and the other sister (though a bit less so) stuck by my side through a year of my partner's illness and then her death. In that time we have mended the fences and they have come to recognize the real situation with me taking care of my mother, not sponging off her. We are not working together as my mother gets older to deal with the things that must be done and are very sensitive. My only advice would be, 1. Read that book! 2. Don't try to force reconciliation, it cannot be forced and makes them dislike you even more, 3. Don't feel you must defend yourself, instead, make yourself and your healing the priority and take care of yourself, 4. Don't rule out a happy or at least acceptable ending to the situation, no matter how bad it seems. Thank you all for the support and kindness you have given me, I could not have gotten through this without a safe place and understanding people to talk to.
Link for the book at Amazon is:

I read you first few sentences and got so mad, not of you, but about forgiveness. I think that is a load of crap, if I had a dollar everytime I forgave my siblings, I would have thousands. What about them, I did nothing but get sick, they have set me back years in healing from my rare disorder I have. My life will be shorter than most because of this, and adding the stress and hurt they have tortered me with over the years, it will be even that much more. Shorter. I did not finish reading your post, I will, I just needed to vent. Sorry. I will keep u in my prayers for peace.

It's their problems, they've made their choices and so should YOU. Don't let them get under you skin, all it's gonna do is screw up your own peace of mind. When they want to bring you into their've gone on with your lives and keep doing so. Once your parents aren't there to be natural and to keep the peace, watch out! It's happened to my parents and the hubby's parents.
Best choices are yours. Don't give them the rocks to throw at you. Keep your peace of mind.

Hello i dont know how since you post this but i am going through the same... i leave in a basement room all of my sisters hate me and my parents dont do anything. They bullying me ,one of them have a baby and she never let me to see the baby and she tell to the other two sisters dont let me too. I am deeep desperate i thought about sucide cause no one love me here no one care no one respect me ...

1 More Response

I know how you feel. Just sit and talk to them and make them listen to you. Maybe do something the really enjoy and have a great time. Once they see that you love them, their hearts could open up. I hope this works.

I know it hurts for your sisters to talk bad about you behind your back. My siblings have done the same thing. It does hurt but in the end you have to ask yourself if what they say really matters. My conclusion was that it doesn't matter at all. They can say whatever they want and it will only hurt me if I let it. Often times they won't know the whole truth and will simply gossip away because it makes them feel better about themselves. People like that don't really deserve attention. Your focus should be on having a stable job and getting a place of your own for you and your kids. Getting out of your mom's house will immediately make you feel better. You will have your privacy back and they won't get as much info about you from your mom as they do now. Just keep focusing on the right things now and worry about fixing your relationship with them later once you move out.

I understand. I am 58 and Asperger, until recently, one of my half-sisters hated me. Now, she doesn't but the oldest two do, one because I voted democrat! I have one daughter and she i shunned by them as well. They used to be her favorite aunts and now she never sees them. It tears me up!

It's their choices. Really who tells you HOW to drive, How to look at the world, How to open a can of soup, come-on. It's their problem, they've made their choices. So should YOU. Let it go....Remember there's another life after this, If you believe it. If not, let it go.

OMG, I am reading your post and shaking my head because I am LIVING this very same thing right now from my eldest sister and my youngest brother. At this moment they are both ripping me to shreads. She accidentally SENT me an email in error bad talking me. And why? I just inherited our BIL’s estate whom I was care giver for for the past 4 years. They did not believe I should get anything. It was to go to the person’s distant relatives whom he didn’t even know. He wrote the will back four years ago long before he got really sick. When I told her of the Will two days ago she went over the deep end and started to rip me apart calling me thief, liar, traitor, how I coerced him to doing this. How she will report me blab bla bla.

The man wanted me to have this cuz we were close me and my husband. My little sister died 07 and we live in the same country in the EU with him. My other family lives back home in the USA and one ins South America. We did everything for him and he thanked us daily for helping him. He said that if we were not there for him he would be taken over by the courts and be given a stranger. But she didn’t know him as he lives abroad and so do we in the same country as he did. So we were his only family so to speak and took very good care of him til he died. She now learned from me that I inherited his entire estate and she is belligerent. I just turned the devil in hell. Mind you. SHE just returned to the USA after spending 3 luxurious weeks at a French Villa directly on the sea on me and my husband’s expense with her entire family. All along while on vacation she had been “analyzing me as a thief” she was throwing remarks that she felt I might have made him sign things. She was throwing all kinds of unkind words to me of which I shook off. Now she is back, she got in touch with my litter brother who lives down in South America at the moment. He did not even know this relative and both of them is ripping me apart like a shreader. I got the most painful email from him tonight. I was devastated. He knows nothing of this and all of a sudden she made sure to get him involved and turn him on me. I have just become Lucifer all of a sudden. I cared for another human being who wanted me to care for him and I am now branded a thief and demon with NO scruples. The entire family has stopped speaking ot me all 9 of them including my mother. I was devastated. They would have preferred to hear I helped him and got nothing and then I will be looked at as a saint. So now I am so devastated, I wrote an email with certain explanations and it only backfired at me. Nothing I say is good, its all lies. None of these family members who live stateside knew him personally, only on letters and phone. They never met him. Now I am wondering if I should continue to feel hurt by what they are doing or just ignore it and go on? Its very hard. I loved my sister and would do anything for her and my brother. And to be treated this way its devastating. I cried so hard tonight and almost wanted to kill myself over what I read. Then I called my husband to please come home and he did and calmed me down and made me see reality. I feel your pain cuz I am living this right at this moment. I NEVER knew she was so jealous of me. She somehow felt it should go to her even tho she DIDN’T know him.

HAVE you spoken to them since this post? That is plain down right evil what they are doing and kudos for you for cracking. I wish I could crack hers. Will be awesome 

iv lost my job about 4 days ago and the family now look down at me as a failure as a son and my own mother hinted at my sis new bf that shes known for a few weeks as more of a son than i am just because i lost my job and am starting to give up on life i didn't think that my mistakes could cause my family to turn on me and say these things i have a form of aurtisum so am not all there and when i make mistakes i don't realize the problem iv caused my mother struggles for money and works stupid hours a day to try and get buy and every sees me as the problem bills get blamed on me am a gamer so i use electricity but most of the time am out with my m8s and i apparently eat all the food and am always asking for money so really my family use me as a scapegoat for there problems and am starting to hate my family

This is very bad. I am experiencing the same problem and this has been the case for the past 10-13 years of my life enduring this painful and unfair treatment. We are five children and im now 32 married with family - im the middle child- malee- others boys and one sister. I have never enjoyed the similar love expressed to others and I am always seen as someone of a bad outlook - if you like - because I have found Jesus and moved from my childhood church with valid reasons. Its sad now my father is in hospital - my other brother called me to take him to my place because he is @ work now- the always poisonous eldest sister got into picture to take my dad to her place rather than mine - bcs she doesnt feel safe with us and my wife. To cut the story short, the situation starts soft and you take things rather for granted and for the past years - the climax was last year when we were told that me and my wife messed up my other brother's marriage ceremony and stuff. We decided to move away from my family for our own sanity. We took our kids to my wife's place because they already started experiencing the segregation. These things are so terrible and some people do not realise that Satan works through them; We must always pray that they change but i told myself I cannot change someone who claims to be going to church every weekend. Simply read the Bible and consult with God so that you do not fall into their same pit - because its easy to make mistakes in these circumstances. The Holy Spirit told me that you must not get very angry at these things but you must remain calm at all times and get your emotions close to your heart- and you will go a long way. I love Jesus and I know Joseph received a similar treatment from his brothers who sold Him. I have went through tons and tons of painful memories and events at their actions - and the last straw was that my mother told me that I am irresponsible and I have been working for a longtime and and I dont even have a house. By the way - none of her children do have houses - only one does - but why me?> Beats me...You must love Jesus and invite the Holy Spirit to guide you in these things - you will certainly hear his voice. God Bless

they must be jealous, I'm sorry to hear that. As a middle child of three girls, I sort of feel what you're going through although having actual proof? I would absolutely confront them, it would actually give you more power over the situation. They would feel guilty and ridiculous I would imagine. this is a tough one but you seem like a good person and trust your instincts. :) You did NOT deserve it, no matter how you obtained the information. I recall when my mother paid more attention to my older sister using that exact word on her "queenie" but it never meant that I didn't love her ,I was jealous. (not anymore). best to ya

Hi iam going into hospital to have a prostate cancer removed and won't be online for a few weeks, but i know what you experienced with your sister, but eventually i won out because of my mental attitude, and now she loves me -first time ever in her life (from age 14 onwards anyway)and misses me..not too bad as she is 50 and am 63!!<br />
will help you if you like, but will have to wait until i am back online as my operation and rest & recuperation is next Tuesday 23.8.11 onwards.<br />
Meanwhile, don't despair..there i hope and success at the end of the tunnel! <br />
take care My motto this year is LIVE-LOVE-LEARN-LAUGH...and your situation also fits into this motto !<br />

My prayers are with you, I hope your surgery and recuperation go smoothly. I'll be looking forward to hearing more.

i can't imagine the pain that it must be causing you. i'm so sorry for that, i wish i could give you atheadvice that will solve your dilemma. but we are somehow on the same boat, i am at a lost . you see, i have 2 other sisters and they stopped talking to me, it's what we do if we're upset with each other, we give the silent treatment. but i cant stand it for long so im always the one to swallow my pride first and say sorry. As of now,, i;m just exhausted and tired of always being the one to fix things, they dont know how to say sorry and admit that they are at faults too, i want them to learn this ., i know i am not the best sister in the world, i had the worst temper (only if they did something wrong), but i love them so much and tried to be the best for them, i always think of them and give them what i have to make them happy, it really breaks my heart not to speak to them and upon seeing that they are fine with treating me as if i dont exist.. its heart wrenching. i am at a lost too, i am so sad right now, that's why i am here, surfing.. looking or some support from people experiencing the same dilemma.. i hope things will get better soon because i miss them so much. and i dont want to tregret the wasted time of what could have been a precious experience with them.

I am going through the same and looking for support. I dont know what my 2 sisters want from me, I cant change who i am, and I dont want to be like them. we just have different personalities. I also had a bad temper and they hated me for a long time. I have lived my life trying to make up for it and i am 45 now. I made a mistake a few weeks ago regarding a small issue and i apologized and was not forgiven. I am so hurt and cry all the time.

@runemagic, Thank you, it does help to know there are others who understand. You are right it is better to know the truth no matter how painful than to be in the dark and keep banging my head against the wall trying to get them to be friendly to me or to tell me what is wrong. I grew up really believing in family as a source of unconditional love so this turn of events was just unbelievable to me. It shook the foundation of my belief in what family is about. But when I go over all their hateful words in my mind I also see that they are very bitter, nasty, self-righteous snobs who on my own I would never choose as friends so keeping that in mind helps a little. Like you and your brother they seem to have ideas about me that aren't true and if they had taken the time to get to know me again I think they might have seen that, but then again maybe not. Hang in there until you get beyond this and I will too!

i understand only too well im not saying my family are the waltons but they all stick together that is ecept for me ive done nothing wrong ive tried too be nice to them ive been shoved outside the circle so too speak my whole family hate me and my storys almost the same as yours cept i have only an older by 12 years half brother he tells lie after lie about me that im a lyer a deciver a nasty this or that <br />
im 30 years old it will never change all my famliy not just my brother hate me i dont know why im not what they say i am but maybe thats how they really see me all i know is your not alone and i know it hurts im sorry your family are so blinded by hate for you at least you know how they really think if you hadnt checked those emails you wouldnt have known but just look how they think of you no you and i dont need family like that its the getting over them that we need help with and the why are they even doing it too us i hope some one has an anser that can rest mine and your mind till then your not alone just remember that and you sound like your way better than they will ever be xxxxx

so sorry<br />
<br />
grwoning up my sister monkey was more inportant then i was<br />
but i was never part of the family anyway and they day the fight broke outi and my father took a belt to me in front om my girlf friends mother was thebest day as she took me home and became my mother