Losing a Family

I was married for 15 years, had 4 kids, and a nice home... we had it all, that was until Sep 22, 2005 when my husband passed away. He was fine, in great health, but his heart gave way.

I stayed at the hospital with him every minute until they pulled the plug.  At the time, my sons were at home taking everything we worked for to sell for drugs.

My daughter told me that with all the bills I owed, people would take the home from me-- and I believed her, so I put the home in her name and then took my name off. Then she put me out like a dog, with all my little things that I kept throughout the years put to the trash.

She tells me she wishes I was dead, I don't understand what I have done.  I was a good mother, and gave them everything. Now I don't see my grandbabies, and that really hurts.  I miss my family and my babies.

I moved away because of the hurt and pain from the kids. I wish we could be a family just one more day before my  time here is up.
icepinkbabe icepinkbabe
41-45, F
45 Responses Mar 29, 2006

dear lady I can understand what you mean when you say that you have lost your family so hello i my father who love me very much and the rest of us was very generous to leave the three daughters of us the family home however one of my brother is so interested in trying to take the house from us that he has divided the family away from me since I am the only one living in the house I never knew I had family could hate so much I am looking for a solution to my problem but I don't find it at the church for a family so I am at my wits end can you help me is there anyone with any thoughts on the matter I am looking for a new family

I really understand
I Grew up in a different world it seemed like I age worked sense age 8 at first just washing cars for a dollar then pumping gas then at age 11 asstant manager of a small gas station in the town I lived in

at first it was just to not be home that all changed in 8th grade when I made a new friend. guess I was luckier r then many others as my boss believed in grades and he paid for grades which to a 11 year old kids
long story California at the line had a law and because our mother was o our accounts and on our home when she took her own life it all went to the new husband she I filed to get rid of but he was still legal on the account due to his marriage to her

spent many months figure out different way to kill him as I was recovering from a plane crash as it stole every thing we owned or trashed it real it was not the house or the cars or even or bikes those could be replaced
it was the scrape books we had as we grew up it was the painting she had done over the years on big plates of glass it was the trunk of silly doll we had collected over the 6 years we were nam and wife from age 13 she was killed the day after I was shot down in Viet Nam and she was killed the next day as she walked to her office in siagon

I hope that you are holding up. I know how much and how deeply children can hurt us. I feel for you and your pain at having lost your husband so tragically and quickly and then for your children to turn on you is simply tragic. I wish you peace of mind. No matter what you did or didn't do you don't deserve to be treated with such meanness and lack of respect. We all do our best with the knowledge, wisdom and awareness with have a the time. We are all wounded children raising wounded children. There is so much bad upon bad upon bad. We can't take anyone else' pain. We must move forward and fight for life every day. Today, is all we have. Blessings and Love. and Peace.

It was really at birth for me. I was never wanted, and that was mad clear early in life to me even that last year at home at12 years old I had to seep on the patio as they gave my room to my sister pet monkey.

Oh and mister ENGNEER guess what, I didn't have the best up bringing. I didn't know that may dad wasn't my real dad till I was 6, the full blooded sister was always the favorit. Trips to Rome, Cuba. Hell I couldn't get my parents to help me with my cell phone bill. I would never trade in my parents. Family means something more to most of us. Obviously not you. Look loosing something like family ain't easy, and if you can't see that then get out of here. Something really ****** up must have happed to you to come on a topic like this and just try to hurt people. My guess is you need help and meds.

Perhaps you should get some really good ones and mix them with booze, stop plaugeing the world with your hate.

I just lost my family... I fought like hell to keep it too. I can tell you that sometimes, no matter how well you did or what the distance was. No matter how you fought, things just don't work out. All you need to know, all you really need to know that is. The answer to two questions.

The first is did you honestly give it your all. that 110% that only family can give?

The second is, if you could go back and do anything different, knowing full well that it would change everything you've ever known. That you wouldn't change a thing?

Because if you have the answers to those questions, the right answers, that you gave it your all. You wouldn't change a thing. Then you've done everything you ever could in this life... There are always mistakes and fumbles. However if you can honestly answer those questions, and not to me, or anyone else. You've done right by you. That's all you can possibly ask for in this world.

From what I have read you don't deserve one more day with your family. I promise you, kids love their parents and don't turn on good parents. What does happen though is that when kids are lied to constantly, they start to get pissed and behave in ways that they think are hurting you, not realizing how badly they are hurting themselves. Think about how much harm your daughter has done to herself to try and hurt you back, yet you somehow believe in your mind you were a "good" mom. You weren't and you are lying to yourself. Change, quite being a hypocrite, and beg for your daughters forgiveness. Then you can have a relationship with her.

I maintain what I said. This woman is flat out lying. Kids that are raised by even 1/4 decent parents do not rob their parents for drug money while one is visiting the other in the hospital. They do not "hustle" their widowed mom for the family home and then kick mom out. This woman needs to own what she has done and quit trying to be a victim.

if you really were a good mom your daughter needs help and medication

Im really sorry to heard about what hapened....just stay positive

sad....really very saad....<br />
God Bless You

I'm terribly sorry for all that you have been through. I'm sure you're a wonderful person with a big heart just like me. If I were to give you any advice I would have to tell you to "Keep them in your heart and in your prayers. Forgive and Forget.. Because one day they'll be knocking at your door, and you have to remember that they're your children". I hope things start working out better for you dear. Keep your chin up, and SMILE :)

Very few estrangements are the results of one event. Most are an accumulation of years of pain. There is rarely any way to put a finger on what did it. Sometimes, it is over misunderstandings never discussed.<br />
<br />
No one can assume anyone deserves it, asked for it, made it happen or holds all the blame.<br />
<br />
Many of us face estrangement as a result of the dynamics of the family -- disowning is the final step for many who have always felt estranged even as kids, long before the disowning..<br />
<br />
If you are on fb, take a look at Estranged - it's a brand new page i started for people like us; am working on putting up a website.... gonna take a while......

Wow,darlin.. I thought MY situation was bad.. hearing yours just absolutely made my jaw DROP.I truly hope God is in your life.Jesus is the only One that could help me in my life and He has changed everything in my life.I lost my daughter because my ex husband including his family and my very own lied about me,now I have a husband that loves me dearly. I am building my faith so to speak at this point in my life,honey I wish you well. Listen and listen good... you can get hurt by opening to your kids at this point sweety,please talk to God... He will listen to you!

how in the world can u sign over ur house and they kick you out, take control of ur things? I know u said u signed paper work, but still..... <br />
<br />
I hope you took some kind of legal action after u found out how fraudulent they were in getting ur house .......

Dearest IcePinkBabe,<br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you because I also have been abandoned by my two adult children. What's more, I really don't know why, and they will not give me a straight answer. I have prayed, meditated, journaled, searched my soul to understand why and how this could have happened to a very close knit family. <br />
<br />
They also abandoned my father who passed away almost two years ago now. He and I used to take my son Aaron on fishing trips every year way up north in Canada on an isolated and beautiful island. I have always been there for him in every way. Whenever I sensed that either of my children were troubled by something, i would knock gently on their door, asking if they would like to talk. Aaron usually did and I know that my wisdom and reassurance comforted him greatly.<br />
<br />
We were a very close knit family who did everything together, lots of vacations. We rarely hired a babysitter so that my wife and I could go out alone.<br />
<br />
The first big trouble started when I moved out of our home and got my own apartment and filed for divorce due to my wife's serial cheating and her constant lying and secrecy. It was a very hard decision, but I had to do it to preserve my own self respect. After twenty-four years of marriage, I made up my mind positively that I would no longer allow myself to be treated with such disrespect. <br />
<br />
Almost immediately my wife set my children against me (twins, a son and daughter aged 21 years at the time. After my first meeting with my divorce lawyer I was advised to take my video camera over to my house and tape the entire contents and condition. When I pulled in the drive, got out of my car and walked toward the front door, to my surprise, my son Aaron was sitting on the steps. He told me that I couldn't go in the house. I asked him what he meant by that, since it was my house too, and no restraining or protective orders had been filed against me. He said that "mom" told him not to let me in. I said: "Aaron, I am so sorry that your mother would put you in this situation where you were forced to take sides. I said I'm going in". And he pleaded for me not to because he said his mother would be angry. So, I walked in the front door and to my astonishment, everything good in the house was gone. The paintings, the rugs, the antiques, jewelry, etc. As it turned out she rented a truck and made my son help her and her lover move everything out of the house and into a storage facility. I never saw those things again.<br />
<br />
I won't belabor this email response by detailing the myriad cruelties that my wife heaped upon me using my children as her champion.<br />
<br />
What I really have to say is that after twelve years of ruminating on this, I can come up with only one answer that makes any sense to me.<br />
<br />
I believe that my wife and her family have always had some sort of dark, evil presence running through it. I think this evil affected my children, as if she sent demons to jump inside each of them. It's funny, six years ago I considered such things nonsense. But no longer. I am an intuitive and about eleven ears ago I told someone that I felt a very strong presence of darkness and evil overtaking the world. It was absolutely palpable to me. Little did I know at that time of the horrific atrocities that would befall the Earth community. But no one can deny that we've sunk very far down during the last decade or so.<br />
<br />
So, I believe that your children are evil, demon possessed. I doubt that you can do anything about it. I think your only hope is that someday they come into the LIGHT and exorcise themselves of the dark thing inside of them.<br />
<br />
I realize that this may be a bummer response, but this is what I believe, and I also believe we must "Look Life in the Face" as Virginia Woolf so wisely stated. We must consider all possibilities and look straight at the truth, even though it is often hidden and difficult to get to.<br />
<br />
I wish you peace and comfort and that your mind will be eased. I have not found these blessings yet. I am still tortured. It's like a nightmare that you don't know really happened or not.<br />
<br />
Blessings and Kind Thoughts,<br />
<br />
Steve

yo ***** u r ****** ! You raised a couple of *****.......best thing, give your love to some other cause. It will hurt but you are stronger and more loving. Remember that the sun does not always shine on the same spot each day...you are the Sun x

Posted by arnike on Jul 22nd, 2010 at 4:38AM <br />
Maybe you can solve your problems on your own. Firstly you should change your thinking of way. The solution is on your mind. In your theraphy , you need motivation . For this I advise Alexander Sini's some CDs. this CD is designed to brining forth the right vibration and energy that allows you to attract the ideal soulmate into your life. I had experience some problems about myself 2 years ago. I was in depression and I didn't want to go the doctor so I listen this CDs. <br />
<br />
I advise you Be Happy – Feel Good NOW CD. If you want to be happy for a year, plant a garden; If you want to be happy for life, plant a tree. (proverb) You can also be happy by buying a CD from AleqSini . There is no happiness; there are only moments of happiness. (proverb) Provide yourself those moments with CD from AleqSini. Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. (Joseph Addison) CD by AleqSini might help you achieve those things. <br />
I hope you will be better.

It sounds sad from your point of view, but I'm certain there's alot more to this than what you said.<br />
<br />
This isn't a website to get people to feel sorry for you and to feel better, this is to share your experiences. Maybe you should have posted the whole story.

omg, that totally sucks. I would hate to be in your situation. Though I have a feeling in about two years i will be, but it wont be my kids, it will be my parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents

u want to get a family then **** me

unbelievable, how can you even suggest that this Mother is responsable for her childrens behavior. Didn't you read DRUGS. Drugs would cause that behavior. I'm not saying she was perfect or she's playing the role of a matyr...how could you even point your finger at her. If there is any responsibility on her part would to (in the name of what she thought was right) be the role of an enabler. But it doesn't matter. The disease is stronger than her. How dare you sit there and judge her and blame her as you are. Sounds like the abuser in a dysfuntional family system you must of grown up in. This person has lost everything...do you get that? I don't think so. Having everything taken from you has to be unbearable. If that's not enough for dispare than nothing is. People hit bottom from just one of those circumstances. As angry as I feel about the way you would treat another human being, I pray to God you never experience only one of those problems.

The good memories are there to be treasured, when you long for that day remember the days you had, as even one new day all too quickly becomes a memory. <br />
<br />
Like birth and death there is a beginning and a end to every experience. <br />
<br />
Children reach a point where they move on, their lessons are yet to be learned and you cannot live their lives for them. You can only be there when they return and one day they will return, hopefully wiser than when they left. <br />
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If they got into drugs there is a good saying "It is not the person but the drug" <br />
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In the meantime take each day and enjoy it whatever way you can. That way they will come back to a strong woman and mother not a depressed wreck.

It is ironic that I just joined the "people hate me for my opinions" group. <br />
<br />
Most of you reply to this poor lady giving her sympathy. But you know, sympathy is nice and soothe her for about 5 minutes. If her goal is to have her kids back or have even some time with her grandkids, denying her own responsibility in this whole situation will not get her anywhere. <br />
<br />
And not all mothers are matyrs. So let's not get defensive when someone even hint that a mother is not perfect. <br />
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Icepinkbaby, <br />
<br />
I am sorry for your loss of your husband. I just want to say that the first step to working on a solution to this problem is to take your part of the responsibility in creating it. By taking responsibility, ýou can start to do something concrete to change it. <br />
<br />
Continuously deny this and get sympathy will not change things. <br />
<br />
I will tell you that my dad passed away and I left home after a year. This was because my mother was very cruel to me. Her emotional blackmail affected my work and relationships. somedays she dragged me out of bed by my hair when I was asleep. Other times she scratched my arm till it bled. Then there were times when I am in her car and she threatened to kill both of us. <br />
<br />
So I packed up and migrated overseas. <br />
<br />
I am not saying you did all these. My point is that my mum did all of these. And after I moved out, I started a lot of soul searching. I realized that blaming her and playing the victim to my dad's death and my mum's behaviour, made me weak and very helpless. <br />
<br />
When I started acknowledging my part in making the relationship bad, I changed. When I changed, my mum changed. <br />
<br />
After 5 years now, she came over and had a holiday here. I paid for her vacation and she was very proud that I am doing well here. <br />
<br />
I truly believe that you can absolutely change your family's viewpoint of you. The least you can do is try. The worst thing is not to do anything concrete. There is hope. <br />
<br />
There is a kind of energy that flows amongst people. This energy bounces off people when we interact, write to them, look at them etc. When you change, your energy change and your family will feel it. They will change. <br />
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If they still do not change, at least you know you have tried. <br />
<br />
I wish you a happy life from the bottom of my heart.

that such a sad story,if you need somebody to talk to,im here.my names roisín x

My heart goes out to you. What ever you do, don't blame yourself, as a mother it sounds like you've done everything you could. Whether it was the drugs that scrambled their brains or this is a way of dealing with their father's sudden tragic death, don't give up hope on your kids. Try reconnecting with them, tell them that you want to be a part of theirs and their children's lives. Ask them to forget about the past and if they would be willing to start anew. Maybe just maybe they want you to be a part of their lives too. If they don't, it may hurt inside, but don't give up hope. Let you're family know that you love them, and that you're willing to be there for them.

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I hope that you will be able to see your family again. God Bless you

wow.<br />
i'm very sorry for the loss of your husband, my boyfriend died on the same day, two years later. <br />
i'm really sorry to hear how your children treated you.<br />
the situation with yours sons, was mosy likely, their way of dealing with the loss of their father. not the best or most intelligent way, but a surprisingly common way of coping. your daughter, sounds very ungrateful. i am so sorry to hear that people can actually sink to these levels. my advice, is that, no matter what happens, you have to remember that you have a life of your own to live, and that shouldnt be one spent living in the past, and waiting patiently for people to turn around. find ways to make yourself be happy, and don't let people like that bring you down. it's a really ****** siutation but try and make the best out of it.

I know your pain. I suffer from the loss of one son that is a victim of a manipulative wife.<br />
<br />
It is a loss that no one understands, because the loss has No Closure.<br />
<br />
Just know that you didn't do anything wrong and there is always hope....that one day you and I will have our wish....Just one more day. You are not alone.<br />
<br />
May God Bless You.

this may be insensitive but you giving them everything probably is the reason why they act like the way they do... but you know, you did it for love as I would do it too with my future kids. And knowing that I did my best out of love and it was unrequited in the end will tear my heart to pieces as well. My heart and prayers goes out to you.

I hope things get better for you. It may be best to just go on with your life and try to forget,

wow people are something. I pray that all get's better for you and you can have peace of mind.

I used to hate my mother as well... I remember wishing she were dead.<br />
I still can't stand her and I rarely talk to her.<br />
But I love her, I tell her that and I understand now that it takes a lot as a parent to deal with the hateful things your own kids can do to you... and yet still love them somehow, despite it all.<br />
I think you are an amazingly strong person, your children need to get their heads on straight.

Okay, lets keep perspective folks. There are always two sides to every story. 50/50 blame. You should have kicked your kids butts when they started that crap about stealing your house and your money, but you were greiving, and that was probably the last thing on your mind. You probably did the best you could (I say probably because I don't know you, I am not "turning on the mother") Your kids got messed up in some bad stuff, it happens to the best parents, with the best of intentions. My advice, go talk to a counselor, and stop blaming yourself. Only you know the truth about what happened with your life, and maybe counseling will bring out some things you didn't want to admit. But remember, your kids were grieving as well, mabye acting out in that way was the best way they knew how to deal with losing a parent. For the people trying to pass the "shame" around, who are you to judge? Offer support and words of advice, but everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if they are small minded and short sighted. :) Best of luck to you.

These people are attacking someone who is in severe deep pain. They have no right. She is here for support, understanding and compassion. What they are is OPINIONATED! No matter what she did or didn't do she does not deserve that. I hope she fights back & Ignores these judgmental, small minded, short-sighted haters.

Dear icepinkbabe, <br />
<br />
Wow jazzy and ladyluck, you two should be ashamed of yourselves for prejudging someone who reaches out to you for help.<br />
<br />
What moronic manual did you read that in? It has nothing to do with real-life - where this woman lives.<br />
<br />
That said, I empathize with you, ice, and I'm sorry that you are going through this situation now. Do you have a support system? Do you have friends you can lean on? Other family members? A church? People at work? <br />
<br />
I KNOW that your family can never be replaced - no matter what, but you still need people in your life.<br />
<br />
Again - I am so sorry. I know that you want healing within the family and I hope that you get it. <br />
<br />
God Bless!

It seems to me that your daughter is very ungrateful to you...after what youve done to her....but it doesnt seemed right....i mean, what have done to make her do those things to you...sorry but have you asked yourself that? Maybe just maybe you did something before that made her what she did...i know that what she is doing now is terrible no matter what but maybe you should also reexamine yourself and your past with your daughter and try to know what exactly contributed to that...so that you could approach her and make amend with her...but still, i think no children should ever do that to their own parent, especially to a mom like you...Im a son and i admit that im not a good son...but still, i never ever treated my mom like that....although shes gone now, i still would love to go back when shes still alive and tell her how i love her so dearly...because i never had that chance...thats my greatest regret and my only wish now is that your daughter would realize that....

I agree that it's very unkind and cruel to blame the mother! Shame on you! <br />
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I hope to God that your children never do anything like that to you. No one deserves to be treated that way by anyone let alone your children. <br />
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We can't control what other's do. Only how we deal with it. <br />
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Blessings and may you find peace in your times of turmoil.

hun im sorry to hear that u r goin thru a hard tym.im here if you wanna tlk.<br />
luv b xoxoxo

No matter what happens love yourself and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. We are all here to learn lessons and this one is a doozy. I know what's it's like and it hurts like hell! I'm sorry that you have to go through this pain. I'm sorry that your children have been so heartless and cruel to you. I hope someday they will learn to be grateful and loving. I wish you healing for your heart.<br />
Peace

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, my heart goes out to you. Be strong, have faith in God and he will help heal your heart and pull you through this.

I can't believe anyone would blame you as some of these people have. Maybe you did do something you aren't telling us but the fact that those kids are alive and had a happy home is enough for me to believe you did your best and they got caught up in some drugs and **** on you. I feel terribly for you and I will pray for you. In the end we will all be judged for what we have done and those kids will have to answer.

First may i please ask the people who are being somewhat insensitive to the mother here, STOP asking what the mother did?????? How can you read her story and SICKLY wonder what the hell she did???? Wow, the 2 of you that wrote that MUST have come from a VERY perfect life, but sadly not all have AND sadly there are just SELFISH, MONEY HUNGRY people out there that YES would even screw over their own mother.<br />
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OK, now that I have addressed the people who I know did not mean to hurt you, but probably did, may I say how incredibly sorry i am for your loss. I can not imagine the feelings you must be expierencing. To be betrayed by the very children you gave birth too, WHILE your husband was quite literally dying!! You in those moments expierenced not just the death of your husband but sadly, probably by the sounds of it, due to pure greed, lost your children and grandchildren too what I refer too as a LIVING DEATH. <br />
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Living deaths, in my opinion, and yes i have expierenced both, are actually harder in some ways, at least for me, because their bodies still live so in a strange way you are not permitted to grieve.<br />
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Family, sadly can give you both the MOST joy and the MOST pain. We expect sadly to a degree, or at least i did, unconditional love, what a sad thing not to receive back. If you can not receive that one type of love from your very own family it leads you to believe that it does not exist anywhere in the world. For me, i am learning for the first time in my 45 years what real friendships are, ones with no hidden agendas, i never thought people would care about me without an agenda, but they do!!<br />
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Lord, I'm rambling, sorry. BOTTOM LINE; i can not imagine your pain, and UNlike two of the comments i can easily see family members being cruel for NO specific reason but often due to greed. DAMN, money truly is the root of all evil. i wish i could magically wave a wand over your pain and allow you to hold your first grandchild, that is TRULY the next wonderous moment I can not wait for, and my boys are merely 13 and 11. IF i had the power, your children right now would be BEGGING you to forgive them. PLEASE hang on, through all this pain and know that you are in my prayer's.

I feel the same as JazzY25. You don't kick your mother out of the house for nothing. I don't think your kids reached a point where they hated you without you having done something to foster those sentiments. Sorry.

i feel for you i hope you get your wish

Im sorry but i dont know how to best say this so I'll be blunt there has to be a reason for your daughters actions did you do anything?

Shame on you for assuming that this mother must have done something to have brought this horrific heartbreak upon herself.
You are incredibly ignorant about the ways things happen in this world.
I believe the words St Paul spoke when he said that we live and breath and have our being in Him (the Christ Consciousness).
We are all little Gods, those of us who try to follow the true teachings of Jesus. The great
Ajority of Christians do not have the faintest idea of what Christianity is all about.

That being said, there are also souls who move and brath and have their being in Lucifer, nee, they are little Lucifers. There is no use in trying to save them because they vehe
Ently hate the goodness in the world. There is no use in pondering why this is so. It just is. Accept it. My children and my wife's children ARE Lucifer made flesh.
So, don't hurt someone else by insisting that they must have done someting to bring About their own misery. You Are very cruel and ignorant beyond belief. The best we can dl in this world is to try to avoid those like yourself at all costs.

Shut up you bible thumping imbecile.

I promise you this woman brought this on herself. Kids don't just turn on good parents. Just because a parent thinks in their mind they were a "good" parent, doesn't mean they were. People tell themselves lies all the time and I'm very sure this woman is lying to herself.

I understand that kids can seem so ungrateful at times.you just put your best foot forward,so to speak, and got it stepped on and it really hurts. People don't always realize when they have someone who cares about them what a gift that is.It may be cold comfort now,but as time passes they might meet others who only wished they could have known their mom,and had a loving relationship with her. just keep the faith,they'll live life,and wish they had that time back that was lost.If you gave your best,that's all you could have done,in those circumstances.Hpoe this helps to give you a little encouragement.<br />
silverspirit

I would disagree with you. The love of my mom is no gift.