Disowned For Love

I am 22 years old, two semesters away from graduating with my RN. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant. I was on birth control when I conceived, and although the timing was inconvenient, I was overjoyed. I've always wanted to be a mother. When I told the father, he asked me to have an abortion, because he didn't want to give up his lifestyle for "some kid". He hasn't been involved much since.
A few months ago, I reconnected with an old friend from high school. We fell in love instantly, and he loves my unborn daughter as if she were his. I've never felt this level of happiness and devotion. My family was not fond of the idea of me dating while pregnant, but they didn't say anything.
Three weeks ago he proposed. I was overjoyed. He went to talk to my parents. We were planning on getting married after the baby was born, once I finished school. When he went to speak with my parents (who I lived with at the time), they told him to break off the engagement. Out of respect for them, he did, with plans to get to know them better and ask for my hand 6 months down the road. That night when I got home, my father told me that if I continued to see him, he would kick me out, and disown me.
I was struggling so hard. My family has given me so much. They've helped with school, they let me move back home when I found out I was pregnant, even though they are very strict Christians, and the idea of a baby out of wedlock is incredibly sinful and wrong. They have been nothing but supportive of me my whole life, this was such a blow to me. I tried to end things with the love of my life. The level of heartache I felt cannot be compared to anything else I've ever felt in my life. I kept on telling him that I had to end things for my daughter's sake, that I needed my parents support. He said he understood, but he knew how much I loved him, and I knew that he loved me. He said that we could make things work, that he could support both me and my daughter and let me finish school.
I'm not proud of how I went about things. I was very deceptive towards my family, because I wanted to avoid confrontation. I moved my things out a little at a time, and we got married by a justice of the peace. My family is grieving me like I am dead now. I really don't know if telling them would have changed things or not, but I regret not trying.
I am very happy with my husband. But there is sadness weaved throughout because of my family's reaction. I pray that they can someday accept my husband. I want my daughter to know her grandparents, and I love my family so much, but I really feel like I made the right decision. I am with a wonderful man, and I know that me and my daughter will have a beautiful life with him. My husband is dealing with a lot of guilt. He never expected my family's reaction to be so severe, and although we are happy together, he feels responsible for me losing my parents.

I wish my family could be happy for me, and let me make my own choices. I miss them so much, and I really want them to see their granddaughter when I'm in the hospital, but they said they won't come. I've been oscillating between extreme joy and sadness, I'm not sure how to balance things out in my heart. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
xlorna xlorna
22-25, F
10 Responses May 12, 2012

Sounds like my story. Im 35 weeka pregnant. Family should only be positive during a pregnancy. Its hard enough without drama and being disowned. I am glad u are happy!

You did the right thing. God sent you a wonderful man when your "baby daddy" failed to take responsibility. I am shocked your family would reject such a selfless man your husband is. Have faith that everything will always be alright in the end. Focus on your new family and sTay positive. God bless

My mother and sister disowned me because they strongly dislike my husband and when I refused to leave him they didn't want to know.
Sorry this happened to you, its not easy at all.

I can understand telling you not to get married till you finish school and are dating at least a year, but it doesn't sound like that was your family's intentions when they told your husband to break it off. <br />
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One thing that is disturbing is how your family reacted. I can see if it is out of concern you suddenly met this guy again and are engaged very quickly, but that doesn't seem like the case. It's like they wanted you to suffer because you had a kid out of wedlock.

I am going through the exact same situation, remove the baby. I am 23, about to graduate as an RN. My boyfriend has not went to college and he has a child. My entire family has disowned me. They call me crying and with guilt trips telling me to leave him. I have dated him for years but they've known for 2 months and have not come around at all. Its definitely hard to cope with. Even when you're happy, you feel guilty for being happy.

My husband & I eloped because of my family and their drama. I couldn't handle them. I thought maybe if we announced that we were engaged, it would soften the blow and then have a renewal ceremony at a later date. Big mistake. My mother bawled her eyes out and my father just made some smart *** comments and went back to ignoring me again. <br />
It's hard to see my cousins / friends / co-workers getting engaged, having the supportive family with all the celebrations......engagement parties / dinners, bridal showers, the whole wedding planning thing.<br />
Its not that I'm materialistic, I just would have liked to share my happiness with the people who were suppose to be the closest to me. <br />
Just stay strong. I know its hard. Its really unfair to have to go through such sadness when its suppose to be the best times of your life.<br />
It's sad to know that something I've been dreaming about

im currently leading myself into this problrm except i cant seem to build up the courage to leave with the love of my life im 20 and also 2 yrs away from my bachleor but my parents as poor we are expect me to build them a house before i move out... Im 20 and have to ask permission to go out to eat and have to take my sister to the movies! My boyfriend doesnt mind he really wants to get married and puts up with alot i hope i can stand up fpr myself soon :/

im currently leading myself into this problrm except i cant seem to build up the courage to leave with the love of my life im 20 and also 2 yrs away from my bachleor but my parents as poor we are expect me to build them a house before i move out... Im 20 and have to ask permission to go out to eat and have to take my sister to the movies! My boyfriend doesnt mind he really wants to get married and puts up with alot i hope i can stand up fpr myself soon :/

im currently leading myself into this problrm except i cant seem to build up the courage to leave with the love of my life im 20 and also 2 yrs away from my bachleor but my parents as poor we are expect me to build them a house before i move out... Im 20 and have to ask permission to go out to eat and have to take my sister to the movies! My boyfriend doesnt mind he really wants to get married and puts up with alot i hope i can stand up fpr myself soon :/

Hey, similar thing is happening here, also graduating , in love with someone, planning to get married. Was forbidden to see him, yet I've chosen to. No job...yet. Well also not pregnant, just disowned.<br />
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We have our own plans. I know it hurts.It does. But....you know others been through same thing, and they survived. It might take sometime, maybe some years. It might be for good. This is so complicated.<br />
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Here after grad Ill clearly go work, and will continue education. i understood a shrink is good help in this kind of situation, also some communities: church, volunteering. Friends, reading. Here learning for final exams keeps my mind busy.<br />
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We keep telling each other all will be fine. Mine feels also guilty, I told it's not his fault. I simply see no fault nor in my behaviour, nor in his. We did the best we could to make things work fine with my family, but ....<br />
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Another thing, try to keep in contact with some cousin, aunt, far relatives, neighbours if possible.Here keeping contact with sister and with aunt, and also with a cousin. So, it's my parents that.... but still have the rest of family in contact, so it's better than nothing.<br />
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Good thing is his family is absolutely supportive with all. the reason for which i got disowned is color of skin and ethnicity, he's darker complexion, and my parents are racist...so...<br />
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So to make it shorter: lot of love, lot of hard work, a shrink, friends, socially involved, being kind with others, it should work out. Make some plans for yourself and your new family. Financial, trips, so forth, try stick with them. And I definitely think going on with education will help, Im going for a MA(master degree) and after that a PhD. Want also to go for 2nd specialization and have my own dreams to pursue. Money? I don't say no to work, any work.<br />
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This is it. I wish you all the best.