I met my dad when I was 13. I lived in hell for 3 years watching him beat my sisters and Letting my step mom beat me. It got so bad i ran away. They got me back but my senior year in Hugh school i moved back in with my mom. I joined the air force in 2000. My dad and i were always at odds. Then in 2002 my father committed suicide based on my step sister saying he raped her. I however don't know if that is true or not. what I do know is that 6 months after my father killed himself I found out that I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and when I went to tell my family i was having a baby and leaving the air force they told me that how dare I leave the military when that was what my father wanted for me and I told them how do you expect me to live my life for a man who couldn't even bare to live his own or live up to what he had or had not done. 1 of my aunts had told me that she hoped my kids didn't treat me the way my father's treated him and i felt that was wrong to say something like that so I went off on her and my grandmother. So when in 2010 I moved to different part of the country I tried to maintain some contact with them and I'm friends with a few of them on Facebook but they just act like I don't exist they say awful things about me to other family members they're on my Facebook page but I don't get a happy birthday I don't get happy Mother's Day the don't even acknowledge my children I never knew his family and yet even with all the stuff that they've done to me I still cry because I want to know who and where I come from. I just want to know where I belong. I want to know why I was made to feel like this I want to know why I am made to feel like my very existence is somehow bothersome to there religious superb evangelistic lifestyles I thought Christians are supposed to be all for giving I have taken responsibility for my actions have apologize for all the stupid teenager things that I have done but yet they treat me like I am nothing. almost all my cousins my aunts and my uncle and their close family members treat me as if I put the gun in my father's mouth and pulled the trigger they continue to make me out to be this evil person how could I have made my father kill himself I was the 1 that was trying to go home to make sure that my step sister didn't destroy my father and yet here I am at 30 years old and I feel like I'm stuck at 16 is it so wrong to want to know where I stand and why I had be treated this way and why cant they love me!!!