Always The Bridesmaid...

Some people say they've known each other their entire lives.

For me, that feeling is both literal and inescapable.

My best friend was actually in attendance at the party that was my birth. I mean it. I was born in the middle of nowhere. My dad was a doctor.

Four incubation sets, even though I was two weeks late. Three midwives. Lots of opiates.

= My 1st birthday.

Within an hour of natural delivery, my mom was introducing me to the world with a champagne glass in hand.

And within two years, my dad perished in a bizaare explosion in -- of all things -- a bomb shelter, thus establishing a permanent sense of irony in my life.

My best friend...

We'll call her "Eloisa".

By the time she came along, her parents had had so many kids that they stole mine. "Elena"... and she was born six months before me so thay pretend to own it...

As kids, we frequently played "Bride & Groom". We've been married to each other more than Elizabeth Taylor has been married to anyone... And I always had to be the husband in the mix. Granted, I had frilly orange chiffon to comfort my feminine soul, but I was still THE DUDE.

It didn't change with age.

At twelve -- hot rollers and Victoria's Secret bodysuits clutched in sweaty, budgeoning my eternally-affected position as a Texan fashionista -- Eloisa would tell me that if I sat still long enough and concentrated really hard, one day, some very unimportant, loser, throwback from the grade before would allow me to give him a bl-w job. She didn't exactly put it like that though.

The only true revenge for teenage torment of this sort is living well. I have neither mastered, no been featured presenter on that level of uncharted terrritory.

I do, however, know that Eliosa is a recovering alcoholic/ drug dealer who used to fertilze her weed with menstral blood and believes prostitution to be an appropriate job when you're down on your luck.

So much for too-cool-for-school.... It all bites back in the end.
lolasinn7 lolasinn7
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

HUH???????????