I Still Get Freaked Out

I know what you mean about the footsteps coming down the hall. My mom emotionally abused my dad my whole life. I became my dad's protector and tried to soak in the sadness. He died in 2004 and now she does EXACTLY the same thing to me as she used to do to him. She has no idea how twisted she is. She skews things to turn them around and blame me. I am never good enough. I "know" too much. I walk on eggshells and she has no idea how sick she is. Alot of the time I feel like I'm the one who is seeing her actions wrongly...like I'm misinterpreting her abuse. ...but I'm not. She called me an ******* the other day. I wanted to get her a dogwood tree for mother's day and I'll spare you the details but I ended up being the *******. I can't win. I can do 1000 things right (like clean up after her messes and her dogs' messes) and she'll find one thing to pick on...just like I witnessed growing up with my dad. Hang in there my dear. I'm afraid I have no good advice because I am 45 and just realizing how damaged I am....the anger etc....I read what other people say and it helps me identify my situation. I thank you for being brave and writing on this forum. God Bless and keep you. Stay strong.

I wear earplugs, it helps! My mom screams alot and swears and hits and throws things, and it happens everyday! I love the silence, and I end up wearing earplugs all day. I hurt myself too, when she screams louder than my earplugs are. It hurts, but I can't stop. :( Hopefully you heal soon!

I feel the same way. My mother passed when I was a boy and an emotionally abusive step mother took her place. I know the fear of her presence. I know the look of hatred on her face. I know the sound of arrogance from her voice. I grew up learning that I wasn't worth anything. I was afraid of upsetting her since I was 8 years old. I was and am petrified of failure. I feel pain. Deep emotional pain. I know it's not a healthy relationship and it's not my fault... but to be treated by an adult in an authority position that I was inherently unworthy has stuck with me. I learned the lesson at 7 years and moved out when I was 19. I'm 24 now but her regime is very hard to shake. It's hard to get past all this by myself and I wish you luck.

I empathize with you. *hugs* Just keep your head above the waters and strive to be the best you can be. Think of every disappointment as a blessing and try to figure out your purpose in life. You are important and you do deserve the best.

Your mom is probably in a state of psychological distress. It must be very wrong in his head and therefore it seeks to offset the evil with an aggressive attitude. The only way to get out is to try not to hit and despite your reluctance to show her you love her. It may in the end really appreciate you. This will not be easy but you will find a better balance ! :)

bless u babe, u can do something about it. Doesnt matter if you have proof or not, just reporting it my be enough. I took til i was 40 yrs old before i reported a lifetime of abuse in every way.

all i can say, things may not work out in my favour, but it my be enough to stop them in their tracks. | just want my abusers to leave me alone.

I used to hurt myself too because I believed I deserved it.... the power of self belief works both ways..... you'll find yours xx

Awwww. <3. I really hope sooo.

I know :(



*hugs* It's really hard to live with. Murdering is a great way to describe it. Thanks I will keep that in mind for sure.



Thank you T <333. Me too! I just want to be healed and on with life!

*hugs* mine is like that too. i can't go in the same room without listening to her mumble about murdering me. you not alone sis anytime you want to talk i'm here for you