I Said Good By To My Mother And Didn't See Her For 22 Years Until She DiedMy father beat me and now I have PTSD from the beatings. My mother heard me screaming during the beatings which were for little or no reason. She never acknowledged they even happened. I would be on the floor for several minutes and she never checked to see if I was still alive or not. She never touched me that I can remember. Neither parent ever said they liked me much less say they loved me ever. I had to do all the chores around the house and my 4 younger brothers did nothing. One year for Christmas I got a pair of 30 plus year old ice skates that were my fathers old skates he didn't want or use any more from Santa, I didn't touch them but left them there and never looked under the Christmas tree ever again at Christmas time. The only time either of my parents ever touched me was when my father beat me which scared me to death because he punched me hard enough to knock me across the room. I wet my pants from fright every time he beat me. As a little boy I never went to my mother if I was hurt or scared she paid little or no attention to me ever except to have me do some work or job she wanted done. My mother was never there for me ever and when my father died I went to see her to find out now that he was gone would she be a different person now that he couldn't influence her in any way. She was the same person she had always been to me at least. I told her that I would leaving in a few minutes and I would never see her again because I hated the way I felt toward her because she was never a mother to me ever,. Yes you brought me into the world but you were never a mother to me ever. She said nothing and made no facial changes what so ever, I said good by turned and left and after closing the door behind me felt a burden lifting off my shoulders, it was one of the happiest days of my life, sorry to say. She died 22 years later and I saw her at her funeral in the casket a few hours before she was buried. I felt nothing at that time and for the previous 22 years in particular, especially after I said good by to her because you see I had no mother, never did. Life has been very difficult never having love in any form from either parent, its like living in hell. I am now 78 years of age and that has been a lot of punishment for something I didn't do. How I longed for a real mother, they were all around me. Thank you very much for listening to me.
jjgavinjr 70+ 2 Responses 2 Jan 12, 2012