Where Is My Hero..who Will Help Me?

I wake up to the loud screaming and the ugly words.
It startles me and I shake..This is how my day begins

I get up and get dressed ready to go to school
"You look terrible is what I hear"...My head hangs low.

I make some tea to shake off the fear and repeat to myself that I am okay.
"I never wanted you to begin with and I think you are stupid is what echoes in the background of the calm I try to find for myself."

I don't make friends that easily, I feel I am unworthy and have nothing to offer.
I come home and go inside my room and I sing to drown out the pain.

It's Dinner time and I must sit at the table with my Mother and my Father.
She throws the milk in his face and calls him a looser.
The anger inside me grows. He hangs his head low..

Later guests come over and there is laughter and joy in the house.
She hands me some money and tells me to go out and have some fun with my friends. I am so confused. Why does she take away my soul and my spirit and think she can return and heal it with money?

I am now a Mom and I understand a little more.

I went through my childhood being mentally and physically abused.

There were many people in my life that loved me but nobody helped me.

They saw what was being done to me. They saw me being ripped apart by words everyday and being thrown against walls. They told me just to be quit and try to please her..

I wanted a voice but it was silent.
I found my own voice.
I decided to be strong and believe in myself.
I forgive my mother. She was sad, and mentally unstable.
I choose to believe that all I have been though has made me stronger.
There were lessons that she taught me..Mostly how NOT to be,

As a grownup and Mother I now will always stand up and be a voice for anyone that is hurt by other peoples words.

I am still emotionally scared and will be forever, but in some ways I think we all are.

I value friendship and my family more than anything

I believe there is always a way to turn something around

I believe that those that have been scared have reached that raw place in their soul... IT HURTS....But I found my soul, have felt the deepest pain so I can feel the greatest Joy....I am grateful for getting to FEEL so deeply.

I hang my head high! I am my own hero!