Emotional Abuse From My Parents?

Both of my parents had difficult upbringing my dad is deaf and my mum had an extremely abusive and disruptive relationship with her parents, so I understand why they treat me the way they do. Sometimes I get on well with my parents, I mean they are good people in the respect that they work hard and make sure we always have food, our clothes are washed etc.

But when things go bad they go really bad. In arguments my dad would scream in my face and aggressively grab me, push me around, break my things and say really hurtful things like "your a f*cking joke, your a f*cking waste of space, your a little ****, I don't want anything more to do with you you're not my daughter, you should just leave get out you know where the door is, your a stupid cow, you will never achieve anything in life" to name a few.

And my mother would also scream at me, throw my things such a coat hangers, a money box, my make up bag, my straighteners, on several occasions she completely trashed my room. The time she threw the coat hanger it hit me in face and gave me bruises under my eye.But I have had plenty of red marks and bruises on my arms and wrists from them both grabbing me. She also plays mind games, if we have had an argument she hides my things and my post (even though I am 18) then says she didn't do it. Once we have resolved the argument she returns what she has taken. She constantly tells me I'm a bad person and that I bring out the worst in her, she can never be reasoned with, she is always right. She always plays the victim and twists things to make me look awful. She makes me out to be the abusive one, if I retaliate or tried to defend my self from her hitting me shes say that I am abusive not her.

But the thing is I don't think I am a bad person. Despite them both telling me to give up continually and drop out of college I achieved good GCSE's and A Levels, I got into University to better myself, I am independent they don't pay for anything for me anymore, I have a job, I'm not spoilt or frivolous with money, I rarely drink, I am responsible, I have moved out and only return for occasional weekends and the holidays, I don't sleep around-I have maintained a 2 year relationship, I have lots of friends and when I am home I make sure I pull my weight. She always accuses me of being selfish but when shes at work and I am back home I do all the washing up, I tidy everywhere, I wash everyone's clothes, I make her a cup of tea when she gets in, I help her with dinner as well as doing all my University work, having a job and maintaining my relationship with my friends and boyfriend. I also take her out for lunch and on shopping trips to spend time with her, but she forgets all this and says I never doing anything for her.

She also doesn't offer me the support I need, neither of my parents do. If things go wrong they just scream and shout at my and call me abusive names, rather then calmly talking through a solution. Therefore I have to depend on my boyfriend for the support and guidance I need, rather then my parents offering me help. Even now they tell me to drop out of University I'm not 'cut out' for it and hearing them tell me over and over again makes me feel like maybe I should give up since my own parents don't believe I can do it. But I know I can't live with them all the time again, otherwise I will have to endure the abuse I have dealt with since I was 9 years old and I don't think I can go through that again. They have kicked me out before, then regretted it and demanded I came back when I actually left and now they are threatening to kick me out again.

It's difficult writing all this down as nobody knows that this has happened/ is happening, but I've got to the point where I need to talk to someone about it so I don't feel quite so alone. Any advice or guidance would be really appreciated.
An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 11, 2013

My mom does things like that, but you should tell someone in real life, someone who understands your situation a bit better, the Internet can be a good place for help, but in this case, I think you need a friend or your BF to talk to about this, it would probably help you more than any help I could lend you, but if you still seek advice, feel free to PM me.

thanks for sharing your story. I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. My parents were never physically abusive, i can't imagine it. all of it was horrible.

i don't have any advice. the fact that you're sharing your story sounds like you're definitely on the right track.

my mom has also been nothing but condescending, crude, rude and cruel. she NEVER has a true, positive loving affectionate thing to say to me. i spend most days wishing she wasn't such a @#$@#%@#$ but she's always been that way. sigh.

I came across your article as I thought I'd suffered emotional abuse growing up as a child. But what I've been through sounds like nothing compared to what you've been through.

Firstly, I have to say, you are one brave girl! I bet life was tough at times growing up for you wasn't it :( But you should be proud that you've made it through and had the courage to post up your story! No parents have the right to ever say/do those hurtful things you described to their children, ever, regardless of what their child has done. I imagine that didn't happen all the time (how often I wonder?) as you did say you got on well with them sometimes.

When people tell you that you can't do something, it's often because they can't do it themselves, so they have this need of putting other people down. Getting a degree can help you build a career, and it's a great sense of achievement once you get your degree as well as something to be proud of for the rest of your life. I've got a degree (from a pretty good uni too!) and after going through what you've been through, I can honestly say that you wouldn't have a problem getting through any degree because you definitely have your head screwed on. Unless you have other reasons (e.g. not enjoying uni, think it might be worthwhile doing something else instead), then don't give up uni!

P.S: Your boyfriend must be one very lucky guy! :)