Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am In My 40s & Mother Continues To Abuse Me

I’ve had to cut off all ties with my mother which is almost impossible to do because weeks later she shows up at my door apologizing and manipulating me back into her life. I am so done with her emotional abuse and last week she was beating on me.
She has a borderline personality disorder and I think OCD as well, and she’s dillusional, she thinks she is smarter, better and above her family and treats her grown chidren like extensions of herself, and if we even minimally let her down (miss her phone call, etc) she verbaly bashes us on voice mail and in person.
She accuses me of every evil under the sun.

She is too narcisistict to get help from a professional, because she is smarter than they are.

She also admits she has paranoia. We her children have no idea of what to do with her.

Its so sad because she lives her life alone due to not being able to mananage even ONE relationship in a healthy way. She has to talk down to people.

Anyone have any similar experience withe their parents??
I am a survivor and am lucky and blessed because I love and respect all of my 6 grown children. I know my mother is mentally ill and she is also aware to a point of her havoc and pain she causes. She is alone and it makes us sad
activforlife activforlife 46-50, F 1 Response Aug 1, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

My mother is a lot the same, I sympathize.
My mother talks down to everyone, not just her children. Snubs her nose at everything we do, doesn't respect our wishes, and bashes everyone who is different that her...in an attempt to forcefully influence my and my brothers decisions.
She refuses to admit that my brother and I are both nearly 30 and that we are our own people. She is intentionally trying to make sure that she moves anywhere we do so that she can keep an eye on me and "be there for me". She wasn't "there for me" when I needed her the first 28 years of my life...why would I want her there now. She is also terrified of being sent to a retirement home and actually insisted that she will move in with me and my family when she is unable to care for herself. Hate to say it, but my husband would kill her and I would never heal from my past. Plus I don't want her having any influence on my children.
My father was severely emotionally abusive to me until I moved out, but has appologized and changed drastically since I had children of my own. He has started seeking help for his depression and manic behavior, but my mother refuses to admit she may have a problem. She talks about my fathers attempts at self-discovery in a snide and unsupportive way, which makes it impossible for me to confide in her about my own problems.
She is terrified of becoming mentally unstable...but I'm quite sure she has already reached that point. Mental illness runs in her family and I think she is too scared to admit she may have a problem because she is so dead set on being perfect.
I changed my name to try and cut ties with bad childhood memories, but she blatantly ignores it and continues to call me by my birth name and even over emphasises it to make a point that she doesn't care nor does she agree with my decision.
If you find a way to end the madness, please let me know what you did...because I am at a loss and don't think I could stand the storm I would receive if I were to try and cut ties with her.

Just cut her out of your life. I'm in the process of doing the same thing with my own mother, and not just my mother; most of my family. Sometimes it's best to not reconciliate and move on. Don't let her keep you in this vicious cycle of guilt. And besides, you're not alone, you have your husband, you can build your own family now. Don't let your mother **** up your adult life more than she has already...Just because you're tied by blood doesn't mean she's good for you.