I have dealt with some emotional (and physically) abuse, however, did any of your parents called you stupid or react seemingly unimpressed by every thing you did in school???... I feel that is hitting me the most. How do you deal with that?
neuronerd neuronerd
22-25, F
3 Responses Jan 9, 2013

I think when it comes down to it the problem is that commonsense doesn't apply to our relationships with her parents. If a friend treats us like garbage, it may not happen immediately, but we eventually seek friendship elsewhere. A parent can make it abundantly clear they wouldn't care if we won the presidency, and yet we still have some crazy belief that somehow we might win their approval if we just try a little harder.

It's kind of along the same lines as the other comment, but I graduated college, had a good job, had money insecurity, and still my father who lives in a trailer without a job smoking cigarettes and complaining about the world considers me a failure.

I feel I'm about as over that has never going to be. We keep expecting, or least I always expected in the past, to reach this point where his opinion didn't matter at all. But I realized his opinion will always matter, and a person like that will always use that against you. The reason they continue calling us names and putting us down is because they know we're trained to respond in a way that makes them feel better about themselves. You have to think, these dynamics are pounded into us over the course of years, if not decades.

you may find that you have to avoid contact with them. That may sound harsh, but if someone's not respecting you, whether it's a friend or parent, they don't deserve your respect either.

Mine do it a lot. Almost constantly, when I think about it. They call me an animal, trash, a scumbag, ungrateful, etc. I was a straight A student in high school, and I graduated from college with honors. But they don't care about that. I am still incapable, stupid, treated as a child or inferior. But one day I got sick of being yelled at for no reason and I realized I'd done nothing wrong. I realized my "parents" were taking their anger (from whatever that angered them) on me, and I didn't deserve that. I went back in time and remembered all the times they threatened me, blackmailed me, treated me like less than dirt, and even beat me. I realized I don't deserve it. I've done nothing to anger them, ashame them, I've never been a "rebel" or "disobedient" - on the contrary, I've been a model child.

I stopped caring about what they thought. What they think doesn't matter. They don't appreciate me, I am pretty sure they don't care about me, so I cannot take their opinions into consideration anymore.

If your parents bellitle you and humiliate you, then you should stop seeking their approval. You don't need their approval to have a meaningful life. There are so many people out there who can understand you much better than relatives and be much more loving, caring and supportive of you. And that's all that matters.

You reprogram yourself, through praising yourself, being kind to yourself.
...It takes some time.