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False Accusations of Abuse

In August my best friend and I had a falling out.  Two weeks later I found out she was accusing my a sexually abusing her 4yr old daughter.  I don't know exactly what it is that I supposedly did only that it resulted in me being Charged with Gross Sexual Imposition.  It finally got to a Grand Jury and they returned it with a No True Bill.  Now I have to try and go on with my life with people always looking over my shoulder saying you know what she did?  I have people right now that even though the case was dismissed are saying well they just didn't have enough evideince to prove it.  Even before this happened to me I thought the extreme penalnaties that are imposed on offenders of sexual crime were cruel and unusual punishment.  Now I want to join the fight for changing them because if this could happen to me it could happen to anybody.  I invite any and all to comment and espcially looking for others who have been through what I have or know of someone who has been through it.

feelingalone feelingalone 36-40 23 Responses Apr 11, 2008

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My 4 year old niece said I had moleste Her and my one year old nephew by removing his diaper n making her rub his pp till it got stiff n made sit on it while I took pictures and supposedly my mom caught me n did nothing. I think she's been molested before or seen **** or something but I am totally shocked. Both my parents were there n I didn't hardly speak to the kids n none of is were alone with them thank god. I think her mom has over sexualized her n traumatized her. Her mom has also hated me for years for reasons unknown. I do not know hy this happened n it has been very upsetting. My sister in law, the mother, has accused many people of this before too. It's not like they have had the worst luck in the world n run across every molester. Anyway this happened Sunday night well see what happens I feel for you.

About 5 weeks ago, i was accused of "touching' my 12 year old step daughter. I have been in her life since she was three. My mother was raped and molested most of her childhood. I have had to live under that black cloud my entire life. At age 6, my nephew was molested while he was living with his mother. He is now 13 and it has taken him a long time to get back to having a normal childhood. 5 years ago, my brother went to prison for statutory rape. While consentual, he told the truth and the whole chain of event. So i have seen the continual damage that any of those acts carry. So when i was accused, I was completely and totally shocked. Cps came and investigated. I went and took a Polygraph to clear my name. I have been battling this for weeks now. I have been raising 3 Step kids and 3 adopted kids. I work 2 jobs, i provide for all of their needs, and make sure they have a life that i didn't. So being accused of this, to me, hurts deeper than words can say. I have cooperated with the investigation 100%. I have nothing to hide from anyone. The polygraph came back wit ha scor of 4.5 out of 6. I was told inconclusive but it is on the side of truth. Of coarse i am telling the truth. Raiseing a child form 3 years old, i would never do anything to betray that trust, that love we built. But, over the past year, she has befriended a girl that was caught numerous times for cutting herself. Me and my wife have been having problmes in our marriage and my wife hasn't been able to make much time for the kids with work and such. CPS dropped their investigation, but i have lost my wife, my children, i moved out of our home so they could move back in there. By now, If i had done something, i would admit to it because i have lost everything important to me anyhow. So i get a call from my wife last night. First time in 5 weeks i have been able to talk to her. So i asked her, "do you really think i could do something like that?" She said no, but she was going to stick by her daughter because she did not want to betray her. Right now, all i want to do is try and put my family back together. I want my life back. I want my family. I just want to go home. I love my family. I have seen the destruction that those actions can do to the child while they are young, the child after they are grown and have their own family and i have seen the destruction that happens with the person who does those acts. I am just looking for a way to get through this and be able to put the pieces back together.

I can sympathise with you. I was accused by a 9 year old girl. I was arrested, charged, and held without bail. I was raped in prison, stabbed and infected with HIV. I was able prove I was not in the state when the incident allegedly happened, and the DA said that won't matter he would be able to convict me anyway. I tried to sue after, and was informed that my state laws will not permit me to. I got a death sentance for a crime I did not commit. She got a free trip to Six Flags. There is nothing you can do. I'm SO sorry for you and hope you will fare better than I. Love and Respect, BrandNewBrony

So sorry to hear of your terrible situation....I am a 61 mother of 6 adult children, first my youngest daughter accused me of sexual abuse when she was 14, this was a few months after telling me her brother's were sexually abusing her. I took her to a counsellor, but my daughter did not want to pursue it, then she made the accusation about me. No details were given but we did not see each other for 16 years. I saw her last year and all was going well until my eldest daugher arrived too. Then it all went wrong with recriminations and anger directed at me non-stop. They both left and during the following year there has been a continued campaign against me culminating in my son, who is now 38, saying that I sexually abused him too. This is totally untrue, all of it. They had a very happy childhood until our divorce. Why are they saying these things? I am waiting now for the next installment as I am certain that this has not ended and the Witchhunt has only just started. How do you cope with these accusations. My family are turning against me one by one.....I only have contact now with my parents, who though very elderly are very supportive, my youngest sister and a couple of nieces. We had a very large loving family and this has all been destroyed by these recent allegations. I have no contact with my children or grandchildren now. How on earth do I cope with this. I feel I am going mad.
Unfortunately I live in a different country but I too agree that this must be fought against.
You have my total sympathy and support.
People always say there is no smoke without fire, but believe me there bloody well is!
Take care and take comfort that you are not alone in these vile accusations.

I'm from CA. Do you know a lawyer that helps peaple with little money. We lost our jobs and credit and our apartment along with other things but we still have each other witch is better than stuff and we have a seven year old daughter and i have two teens i pay child supprt too. Awsome kids. Thank you. My wife is not being charged at this time and it has been 10 months.

My wife was falsley accused by a family member she is my 3 year old great niece and we still love her with all of our heart. Her Mom couched her right in front of me and two weeks before the accusation my great niece told my wife that her moms boyfriend was spanking her so my wife told my mom and dad and also my great nieces mom about it and about a month or two befor that i and my wife went to her house and she was acting funny like somthing was wrong and i noticed red marks on her arm fresh ones and i asked her in front of him is he hitting you and he didn;t even say anything but he was uneasy though. But my wife ended up going to jail on a ramy warrant witch lies caused that to happen and i know my wife is not guilty and that is why i am not talking to my mom and dad or my niece and my sister . The detective is taking this case personal i know i stood up to her and she didn't like it. I want to say i believe there are a massive amount of people who are not guilty and somebody has to be accountable for these crimes my wife was not charged so i am in the process of justice for the wrongly accused. God is good and i will pray for you all God loves us all even the guilty and He want's Them to give there life to him as well He died for us all. And want's us all to be saved> I want to tale you the storm will pass and the truth sets you free Give your life to God exept jesus in your heart and he will be your defence. He is real and He has a plan for your life. You will make it thru this nomatter which way it goes God will still use you where he want's you. Romens 10: 8-10 Bible verse. The Bible saise if God is for me who can be against me. Read about joseph the coat of many collars he went to prison he was accused of rape and God still put him in the place he prepaird him for. You will be stronger after this great trial and God will use you to help Peaple in cases like your and simuler ones i believe the evil one or the devil want's you to take your life But God want's you grasp or embrase life eternal. This life is but a vapor but the life that awaits us is eternal heaven or hail they are eternal places. God ,Jesus loves you and He will lead you if you ask him into your life.

I just don't even want kids anymore because I don't want anything like this to happen. I've always wanted to experience child birth but I don't trust a single person in this planet.

Oh how I feel you....:\'(

One of my best friends was accused of mollesting my 4.5 year old girl by my child's mother. My girl hugged my friend and kissed him in the front. I said" no Ava, you can't kiss people there in the "front butt""for lack of a better term. She later repeated to her mom" I kiss uncle___'s front butt when I slept at his house. Which never happened. I'd never leave my kid with anyone but my mom and dad. So her mom turned "I kissed his front butt"into... she sucked his...WTF? Now, my buddy who's never been in trouble in his life is in a cop car and didn't get arrested, yet. But he could have his whole life ruined.

I was Accused in March by my brothers ex fiance, before this stuff happened I had never been in any trouble of any kind, I hadn't even gotten a detention in high school, I was removed from my house by a restraining order days before my birthday because the woman lied on the restraining order and said she was my step sister, the judge decided she had a right to my house.<br />
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I was arrested on my birthday,, and was bailed out that night, went to court a few days later and the restraining order was dropped because the woman didn't show up, after 5 months of the lawyers dragging their feet the accuser finally admitted in court that she made it all up. Over those 5 months I sold everything I owned except my computer and my clothing just so I could eat, the computer I only kept because it was easier to get in touch with my lawyer by email,and my friends were nice enough to let me couch hop.<br />
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The charges were dropped in august, Since then I have moved back in with my mother because I cannot afford anything, the few job interviews I have had get dropped because I have an arrest for a sexual crime on my record, and every night I have nightmares or my dreams are nothing but a black void, I am afraid to talk to people and the more time passes the more I get scared to leave the house, I get more paranoid, and more depressed, I don't sleep at night any more because if I am awake during the day I feel like I am being stared at, watched at all times.<br />
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I just want to say to the first poster, Jadyn, you have a life sentence because of something that was done to you, but at least you have the support of your friends colleagues and law enforcement , I have a life sentence and I did nothing, yet every person who passes me during the few times i do have the bravery to go out, every law enforcement officer who I will ever meet, every doctor, every former co worker, they all look at me and they think I am a rapist still when the accuser said that I did nothing and laughed about it all in court, and shes not getting arrested, I cant sue her for all the things in my life that were destroyed, I cant get my crappy job back because I am in a world where I feel I have no support and I cannot trust anyone, <br />
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The worst part is, in my state, New Hampshire, from how everything was explained to me, I have no course of repercussion, I cant sue her for destroying my life, I cant file charges for her false charges, I cant do anything because of the Shield/hat laws in this state from what I was told, so she accused me of this, but if I cant do anything to get any of my life back, I dont even get to see the person who ruined my life get punished for her actions, I have to sit here knowing that she's got her entire life in front of her. Where as my life, I feel is over<br />
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Just remember when you do see family this holiday, Think about how you feel about them, then remember someone like me who may not have been sexually assaulted but mentally is destroyed to the point where he cant even give his own parents a hug for fear of going through more court dates, more trials, more accusations.

I was abused as a child. In some ways, it left horrible scars. But I am not one of those who cannot understand the pain of others, unlike Jadyn. Yes, I'm still angry about it, but that anger does not extend to posting on boards dedicated to those falsely accused and ranting.<br />
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My husband was falsely accused. I did not know him then. But *I* am living his nightmare now. I do not know how horrible it must be to lose one's job and have the neighbors want to lynch you, and then get sued in civil court once the criminal charges were dropped. BUT ....I can tell you about the pain that those who love the falsely accused suffer.<br />
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My husband does not want to get better. He is so traumatized that he is really only a caricature of himself. I Love him and I'm sticking by him but I don't know how much more of the night mare I can take. He doesn't even sleep with me anymore; he'd rather have his nightmares (yes, he still has them) alone. <br />
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I feel for him with all my heart, but I can't take any more. I won't leave him because he's lost everything else, and I should never have married him, but I did.<br />
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I don't want to hijack this board so I'll close but let me say that false accusations are every bit as traumatizing as rape.

My sister is in a similar situation with her husband, and now I am in a similar situation with my son. The false accusations have got to STOP!!! When will this madness END!?

my son was falsely accused of solicitation of a minor. I never thought for one min. my Brother would do this to are family all over money as they say money is the root of all evil.years ago I got my brothers house out of Forclosure & paid all his other bills up to date he was to pay me back but never did so I let it go.about 5 yrs later I got a settlement on a Wed. & he showed up at my house on a Friday asking for 20,000 my husband ask how he planned on paying it back brother laughed & said the same way he did the other money that meant he wasn't going to pay it back I said where was you when you got your settlement you didn't offer me any to pay back what you got from me.well how funny by sat.he & his ex-wife had went to sheriff's department & filed a claim accusing my son of asking his daughter to touch his private area.there was many adults & kids in the house & her brother even said she was lying & looked at her & said M you know your lying.my son was never alone with this girl.the courts scared my 18yr old son into taking a plea they told him he would come out in a casket.1yr after he took plea they came out & said it was a lie to get even with me for not letting him get the money.10yrs later his life is still dead he's still on sex offender list & can't get an attorney to even listen to us or read his depositions & how none of it makes sense every page is a different story. they had no evidence but used a scare tactic on a young kid him self at that time.as a grown man know he still suffers he him self is a victim but no one to help him where is his right ?where was his rights?laws need to be gone over get these 25% that are innocent off the charges help them put their lives back together.he's lost everything & can't find a job he has no life & talks about taken his life he says he has no reason to live & really what kind of life does he have. but as a mother I have to see his suffering daily the deep hurt & pain. there's no place for him to turn.in some cases there are lots of victims not just the one that accuses.my heart is broke to think your own family can do this to you & your kid over money & no one will hear my son's side.

Hello I am wondering since my boyfriend has 2 kids (one whom are girl and boy both pre-teenagers) by another mother, and a baby son with me, and I also have a 4 year old son with the ex husband. My boyfriend has been charged with gross sexual imposition by an adult 'supposedly' babysitter for my boys and it is his first offense, and he has been charged 4th degree felony. We are waiting for the indictment and I know he has done nothing. He doesn't even have a sexual offense history at all..Although the babysitter has a mental health history (such as medication for schizophrenia/mania depression) and wasn't taking medication on that day she pressed charge. Does that mean she lied? Does it mean the grand jury will throw it out? My boyfriend is worried that he will end up going to prison, but a lot of people that knows there are no such evidence except her testimony feels that the case would be thrown out considering her mental health and no evidence...Am just wondering....

Hello I am wondering since my boyfriend has 2 kids (one whom are girl and boy both pre-teenagers) by another mother, and a baby son with me, and I also have a 4 year old son with the ex husband. My boyfriend has been charged with gross sexual imposition by an adult 'supposedly' babysitter for my boys and it is his first offense, and he has been charged 4th degree felony. We are waiting for the indictment and I know he has done nothing. He doesn't even have a sexual offense history at all..Although the babysitter has a mental health history (such as medication for schizophrenia/mania depression) and wasn't taking medication on that day she pressed charge. Does that mean she lied? Does it mean the grand jury will throw it out? My boyfriend is worried that he will end up going to prison, but a lot of people that knows there are no such evidence except her testimony feels that the case would be thrown out considering her mental health and no evidence...Am just wondering....

i have been falsely accused and it is a living HELL. For almost 3 yrs I have been going back in forth to court. I lost my job, my apartment, no one won't hire me. I have a shot in Jan when I will finally get to go to trial. But I have no idea how that will turn out. I am a nervous wreck, depressed most of the time. Why because I have no idea how it going to turn out. My mom has been so supportive, I just don't know. I am accused of sexual molestation they have 19 counts. I am like how in the world do i fight a charge with no evidence.

I never thought this would happen to our family. We have been in a bitter battle with my son's ex for over a year. I was very close to her at one time and she hates me now. I can understand that but I had to do something .My son kept catching her doing meth . He would pick up my toddler grandaughter for his visits and told her if you don't stop I am going to do something.Well she wouldn't accept any help so I had to call cps .We had the child drug tested and she tested positive for meth.I created a terrible nightmare for us all. Since cps said they couldn't prove who exposed her we were all dragged int the system. Things have been going well now and I thought this mess was over.Wrong . Last week my son called me into the livingroom and my grandaughter was wanting him to tickle her in an inappropriate area. I told her daddy's don't do that. Has someone tickeld yo there? She said yes, our little dog was with me and she looked at him and said the dog does it and is real tall and wears pajamas.My son immediatly called her mother and told her. A week later she takes her to the Dr. and she tells the Dr.papa touched me here but didn't point to anything peticular.So now we have lost visitation and the child is seeing someone tomorrow. My son papa and I all live in the same house. I have known papa for 30 years and know he would die before he would do this to any child. She just turned 3. I had neck surgery a few months back and papa had to lift her on the potty for me.He is never alone with the child I don't drive so I am always here and she is glued to my hip the whole time she visits. We even had the child checked by a DR.last year cause we were worried considering some of the places the child had been at such as meth labs, drug houses etc.We have already spent a fortune on lawyers before this happend. I know when she wa first born the mom lived here and said her father would never be allowed to sit with the child ,something had happened with the mom's half sister and he dad. She never went into details. She and her brother both told my son they had found child **** on his computor.For overthe past year she has lived with her mom and her mom's family encluding her mom's dad. I had told cps all of this a year ago and nothing happened. They said they would investigate. My question could she coach a 3 yr.old to say this for revenge or is she covering up for her dad?

" By the way, do not let the self centered comments of people like Jadyn get to you. At least people who are actual victims of sexual abuse are granted victim status and the sympathy that goes with it. People like us are treated by many narrow-minded people as criminals and not victims. People like Jaydyn just do not get it."<br />
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are you serious fcman73? im going to give your idiot response the benefit of doubt. maybe you didnt read her post. read it again...through and through. what she is saying is that; yes, it sucks for people who are wrongfully accused of sexual abuse. that is the worse thing you can be wrongly accused of. shes also saying (in response to the idiot who said sex offenders get harsh penalties) that its a load of crap. EVERY SINGLE RAPIST AND CHILD MOLESTER SHOULD GET LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE!. Jaden is 100% correct, the sexual abuse victim has a life sentence and that is that. it has nothing at to do with being self centered. you are a moron through and through if that is how you view it.

As I read the post by some of the different people who have been through sexual abuse and/or have been accused of said abuse on a minor, I can't help but fell heartbreak for those who have been abused and a feeling of relief that there are others out there who have been acused falsely as I was two years ago. I was married and had a wonderful three year old step daughter. My step daughter's paternal grandmother and great grandmother decided to get my mother in law together and accuse me of molesting my step daughter. I went through HELL. The investigation is enough to make somebody want to scream and go crazy. Thank God for His grace and mercy. I am not married any more as it took a great tole on my marriage and my life. It has been very hard to trust anybody. My ex wife lives near me along with all of the inlaws so I have to see all of those people and wonder. I thought for a long time I was all alone going through the pain of it all by myself. I know there are people who do moleste little children and these people should be punished as appropriate by the law. There are also people who mess with others lives and accuse those falsely and those people should be punished just as well by the law. Thanks.

I am new to this site but just went through this too. Is there some type of forum where we can all talk together? I have no one who understands the horror of what I went through with my 3 year old stepdaughter. I am trying to save my marriage too, and it seems impossible some times. I hope you can somehow heal.

I too have been accused of molesting my 7 yo niece and the same her mom got the Ida that I spend to much time with her so there must be something wrong and here we go still waiting to do the court but yes this is frightening and I agree that there are people out there that do tar able things to children and yes thay should pay a price but with the false allegationsa comes the thought that the child will pay a price as we'll and I don't think the parent that coaches the kid really thinks about this when thay hatch there scheme that kid will eventually remember what he or she has been directed to do and realize the damage it caused and this is not fair to them either as the fad at the moment is to clam sexual abuse. As for me ya the charge is playing havoc and even if the only evidence there is my niece saying what she did it is not looking to good I just hope that when and if this goes south that she is able to live with what here mom got her to do.

Anyone who has been falsely accused knows that yes, this can happen to anyone. Who knows how many innocent people are in prison nowdays for nonexistant crimes. There is no doubting the severety of sexual abuse, and that it demands severe punishment. But there should be checks in place to prevent people from skirting the law and having people convicted without any evidence but merely an accusation. Sexual abuse is a heinous crime. But falsely accusing someone of a heinous acts is also a heinous act in itself.

I am a twice convicted sex offender. Sadly in my cases hatred and bias won. There was no evidence to prove anything illegal took place. in the first case the alleged victim had had been coached, bribed and threatened. In the second our net conversation was used, though it was only bad in the eyes of a third ignorant party, he was into 'age play' and had been role playing. I was unable to obtain his profile cause I was in Jail, and I had reason to believe he had been told by the DA to take it off line. The only evidence I could have had was removed by the DA before it could be retrieved.

Hundreds of people sit in our prisons falsely accused of abuse i run a support forum for those who need support through this life changing time http://faffa.yuku.com/

My son has been falshly accused of sexual abuse against is ex-girlfriends daughter. This woman I never approved of, but she knew how deplorable I felt about people who do these horrible crimes. She had broken up his marriage and didn't want him spending any time with his daughter son. This woman was insanely jealous of my son's family, and was determined to be in it. A real fatal attraction, she even used our last name. When this relationship did not work out, and my son was leaving her, she decided to do the one thing she could to try and ruin his life. I would have never in a million years thought my family would have to go through this crisis. I am torn up and need to talk with someone who could give me hope. He has been in jail a month, not indicted or anything. What happens now. He has a great court appointed attorney, because the company he worked for five years, just went under. This woman even accused her first husband of abuse against another child. I tried to tell my son that she seemed like trouble, but he felt sorry for her raising 3 kids on her own.

I was sexually abused when I was younger and not just a one time thing but something that continue for years. So I do know what it is like to be abused.

Well, from one who has been through the HELL of being sexually abused.... I personally don't think any punishment is too cruel for them. I have a LIFE SENTENCE, they deserve nothing less!!!<br />
I'm sorry that you were wrongfully accused. I really am but I really would like you to realize that to anyone who has been abused.... The abusers get off too easy!!!!<br />
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Jadyn

Jadyn, I totally agree with you. I think child rapists should get life. It's just hard when you are falsely accused. I am a middle-aged housewife whose husband's ex is furious that he married me. Sometimes when I read sentences for abusers in the paper I think "Are you kidding me?". There's no easy answer. I hope you have some peace.

Well, from one who was sexually abused as well, I am equally appalled by false accusations. You've learned nothing from your experience if you don't understand that there are other forms of pain as well, and being falsely accused is like a rape.

This is something I don't believe people really think about, often times an abuser is someone who has been abused themselves and we are so willing to protect these innocent children but the min they are old enough to be labeled as abusers they are no longer worthy of help. I believe what the O.P. meant was that the way the system is victims, abusers, and the innocent get all jumbled up and often times aren't treated appropriately. you say that you think that abusers don't get what they deserve yet there are proven cases of innocent men and women going to prison for years. the victims are often left untreated once the case is completed because the system only cares about a conviction and NOT the future of the victim. when a abuser has been convicted they are NOT treated leaving them more damaged and possibly more dangerous then when they were first convicted which in the long term only makes things worse. the only way to make a substantial difference is to TREAT these, often times, abused people before or sadly after they commit an abuse. I know many people who were sexually abused as children and only the ones pulled into and twisted by the system or absolutely mistreated or failed by the system look for retribution for their pain. the injustice doesn't end with the abuse, it goes on for years or even generations once a family has been placed on the "watch list". Once again when does a poor innocent child become a monster, what is that turning point? because they become adults? their minds are often harmed by the abuse, their judgment and urges affected but as children we view them as innocent even if they perp or act out. what was done to them was no fault of their own but can we blame their abusers when their abusers were abused and damaged? the system is broken and these HUMANS need help point blank. THAT is how we protect the children and the future from sexual abuse.