Sigh....

I was cheated by my "boyfriend" .... it's been almost 2 and 1/2 years.......He lied everything about him......He was married n having affirs with lots of girls.....may be involved with call girl also....He still want to marry me ....He always told that I am sexy...beautiful....He loves me so much...blah..blah... Now I am feeling so insulted....now I realise he just wanna marry me for sex and money

.I had sacrifise so many things for him....I had to go to college at morning…. I  came back  from my college at evening......I have to complete my study....I  can't sleep  because of him. he had night shift sometimes ( he told me  that )....he gave me missed call  at  night. n  I had to wait for it  till midnight....After getting missed call  I called back him and we talked at night......sometimes he told me he want to sleep  for 1 hour and  i  need to call him after 1 hour...so I was sitting in front of clock  to wake him up exactly after 1 hour ... I had to go to college next day....still I did this for him ...I was madly in love... 
I saved my  money for tifin ...I didn't eat anything  whole day in college....didn't  took a bus but  returned home walking.....and lied  to my mom  to give him money
I sacrifice my god carrer option for him. I  sacrifise my dream carrer even. At that time it does not seem to me   “ I AM  SACRIFICING  “    because  I  loved him soooooo much.

He asked several times for physical intimacy.....I did'nt agree but I felt guilty sometimes for that....Few month ago he told again .... We had a quarrel....then i said ok.......But I didn't mean sex ....He forced me to have sex..... He  put my dress up  forcefully.....then  opened my bra.....I didn't expect  it  at all.... it was so fast  I didn't understand anything....then he  throws  his body over me.....I  realise I could  do nothing If he did anything....He was too strong.....
I was begging him n    crying.....He licked  tears   running down my face  n kissed all over my body and embrace me tight...and kissed again and again...
then  I felt  he  puts his  pants a little down....I  felt  his ****  on me...I felt so bad..
Then I realized   what  was   comming ..... I was afraid of pain, pregnancy....lots of things....my mom told me not to do this .....I applied  all  my  power  and  pushed  him.....He  asked  then...Will  u  let  me   or not ?? I  firmly said  no....he was soo angry.....I  said then I  love you  but  I can't do it now.. he said it's ok....but  next time I have to  give myself  completely  to  him...He does not  care about me at all.  Only thing he cares about   was  his physical satisfaction . He told  I have to satisfy him.
I didn't say anything.........He told me  he was virgin , he  was waiting for me  for  almost 2 and 1/2 years   n   he can't  control  himself  anymore....I  felt that  he loves me so much that he sacrifices  his virginity  for  these years.....

now  I    am so depressed, so insulted.... he could gift me lots of deseases (STD) !!!!
I am still virgin . I felt sooooooo  insulted that  I was naked in front of him once. I  just can't  breathe at night   now. I  want to kill him  with a chopper…I  can   give myself  to that  person  who truly loves me , cares about me, respect  my opinion  may be he is not agree with me…but respect that….He doesn't  deserve me n my love at  all.
 I was  genuine from the very beginning  . I didn't care how much gift he gave me ..I just expect ture heart.  He  didn't  even  gave me small earings, flower, didn't wish me happy birthday.....At the begining he gave me  chocolate, on my first birthday  in this relation he gave me gift....that was formality.....coz when he realise I  didn't  care about those....He  behave  he is luckly he didn't have to spend money for me rather I gave him money every time......He pretend too busy  if I asked him about  birthday  wishing.....I don't like to force anyone.....u can't get love forcefully...If  i  forced he can gave me gift but I think no spontinuous heart is involved in that....so I didn't need money..gift in that way.....I thought  he was my soul mate…..our eternal love……we’ll live together till we die n we’ll die together……I was soooo childish  !!!!! 

I  knew  all  about him from another  person  who  knows about  both of us……He  told me that  he doesn’t   have  my number  otherwise he   would inform me all about these n  warrened  me  not to get involved  with him…….he is a 3rd class guy…. I would be senseless  if  I  heard  all about him…… my  “  boyfriend  “ is a cheater….. he cheated  on different people……….so many girls……his father  married second time an younger girl  n  lived in another place….but my  “   boyfriend  “   told me that  his father  was  missing for 7 years  n they consider him dead .
My  “  boyfriend  “  even misinformed about me to that person (  he is like my elder brother  )   that  I knew all about  my “ boyfriend “  n about  his marriage  n affairs   still I want to continue with him  to have fun !!!!!!      I was shocked .

I   told  him that  my  “  boyfriend  “  took huge amout of money  almost everytime for different reasons……mom’s operation, someone’s cancer…….lots  of   reasons.
He told me all those are  nothing but  fake stories….He is a lier…cheater….he adviced  me to  stay away from him  n stop contacting  him…..my  “  boyfriend  “  cheated  on  him also….He also told me that  my  “  boyfriend  “'s   wife  can not be pregnant  n can’t be a mother….she is the  main earning member in his family……Now I understand  why  my “  boyfriend  “ want to marry  me….for  sex,  baby,  my  good job….
He would   torture  me If he married me.
My “ boyfriend  “  recently  bought  bike….he informed  me about it…n asked  me to pay  the E.M.I……I   paid it every  month  gladly  coz I was doing it for my  boyfriend .

When I told  him  that  I paid the   E.M.I   then  he informed me  it’s my  “  boyfriend “’s
wife  who  took  loan  for his bike…..she made the down payment   I guess now….n  I paid  the E.M.I…..
 I don’t   know  whether  my  “  boyfriend  “  is involved  in some  **** business …… I  didn’t asked  him .
 
He told me that   he called  me sister so he will protect me  from  my  “  boyfriend  “ n  I can call him  anytime  if I need  to talk to him .He adviced  me to concentrate on my carrer   right now  n forget the whole as soon as possible  that will help me….he told me I am still a child. I didn’t  know  how the real world  is  behaving…
I don’t want to hurt my parents…..now  I am felling pretty much pain in my heart......He called me continuously for past 2 months from different numbers but I didn't pick it up.....
  I don’t know  what  u  are thinking about me.....what   type of girl   I am…..I don’t want  to   marry anyone in my whole life….coz  I’m afraid to get involved…… It  hurt  sooooooo much……I know all  the people are not same but still  I hate boyes  now. I  just  wanna  go back to mom's womb ...... that's  the only  safest  place  in the world for me... no one can  harm there........I think  I should die....can  anyone  tell me  what was my fault  ????