Fate? Destiny? Meant To Be?

Ok, I have decided that I need to share my story with others if only to inspire ...

I suppose I should start out with.. When I met J.   I was dating his brother, at the ripe ole age of 14, and his brother who was constantly way, J and I hung out constantly. I learned from hanging out with J that even though he was only 15, his life experiences were amazing, having come from a military family, he had stories of life from all over the world.

I fell in love with J before I even realized what was happening, it was infections.  It was 4 years of the most amazing, fun, free spirited time of my life.  I loved him so much I gave up the true gift that any woman can give of herself.  

It was at the end of a 4 year relationship that my family had to move away, and although we tried to see each other as often as possible, J was on a path of self destruction due to a very troubled family foundation and we lost touch.  

I had met and married a man I would be married to for 12 years with 5 amazing children.   During the time of my marriage an old girlfriend, who subsequently had met her husband through J and I when we were young, was turning 30 and I was being invited.  I hadn't spoken to her in years but during our younger years, her now current husband, J and I hung out constantly.  I asked her if she had J's number and she immediately replied YES.  I had my husband call, unsure of his current family dynamics and didn't want a current girlfriend or wife to be jealous.  So when my ex handed me the phone, I was speechless.  I couldn't believe I was talking to him after so many years.  The conversation was brief, he spoke of his kids, his marriage and things of that nature.  When I hung up with him, I asked my husband to throw the number away, and I went silently and cried for quite sometime.  I got over that little bit of drama after sometime but J was always on my mind.  

After my divorce, I looked for J again, my childhood girlfriend had lost contact with J and I was left hunting on the Internet, knowing J as I did I knew Facebook and Myspace would be useless.  I would often think of him and how much I truly loved him and how much I wish I knew if he was ok, and happy.  ALL of my searches ended in dead ends and certainly with frustration and sometimes even depression because of the frustration.

It wasn't until recently, talking with my childhood girlfriends husband (the same guy J and I had introduced her to, still together and married after 25 years) and him telling me of all the people we hung out with back then that he was really the only one he wish he could get in touch with.  So I agreed to look again for him, hoping that this time would prove to be successful, but I wasn't hopeful and prepared myself for a let down again.  

The same search engine I used as I have always done, hoping I would find something unique that maybe I hadn't spotted before, proved to be the same ole same ole, but what I found is that it led me to another data base.  So I searched that one, and found a unique name, the age fit, the middle name fit, and I confirmed that the birthday matched but the first name was unfamiliar.  So after a long pause just staring at the name.. I decided to go for it.  to my surprise there was a charge, I felt strongly enough about this name I had been staring at, so I went for it.  

It took almost an hour for this "report" to come back with the info I needed, but there it was.  A name, a phone, and an address.  So, I took a deep breath and called.  I remember saying, "Hi, I have a crazy question to ask, and I'm not a telemarketer".  I asked for him by name and he asked politely "may I ask who's calling" and I told him my first name and my maiden name, and his response will live with me forever.  He just giggled and said... "Hey, Wendy"  my heart dropped.  

The root of this story is, that Since that day that I called, I have realized that those feelings I had, those emotions, the love, the desire, all those intense feelings I had back then came rushing back two-fold.  

And the most amazing thing is, is that he feels the same way.  To be given back that type of love in return, so easily without ever having to ask is the most amazing feeling in the world.  

When you search your entire life for something you think is missing, but you are unsure of what that "something" is, it comes to you when you find this one true love in your life.  I have never felt more at peace than I do now.  I feel that all my accomplishments, school, children and successes are all complete now that I have found my soul mate.  I often ask what did I do to be so deserving of this type of happiness, a happiness that I couldn't even begin to describe, and I can't answer.  I don't have to know this man because I know him already, I don't have to "learn" him or mold him to what I think he should be, because he is that and then some.  He is my old J but such a better J that I wouldn't change a thing.  I love him unconditionally.  

For those who are still searching and longing for that "something" that is missing in your life, and are not currently married or involved I urge you to seek out your first love.  I don't recommend this to folks who are married or involved in a committed relationship, because the intensity of your first love when you find them again is enough to make you do just about anything to re-kindle that feeling because it is THAT intense, beautiful and amazing.  

I have been given a second chance, a gift and every moment that I have with J is never taken for granted because every moment I have with him is a moment that I never thought I would have again.


wendybal wendybal
36-40, F
10 Responses Oct 25, 2009

A few sychics I have been looking for true love, told me I would meet my twin flame and I didn't believe it until around the same date they said it would happen I was messaged by a beautiful lady who is completly compatible with me in every way physical and spiritual, and before all of this I was told my sychic saw a symbol of a dove, a apple an the color blue which she was wearing in her picture and I saw the dove 7 months before all this went down and get this, my life path number is 7 and she is 7yrs younger than me, I'm a Taurus and she's a Virgo, plus when I was young I use to have dreams of laying next to my twin soul kissing all the time and I guess this was before she was born that in my dreams, well the spirit realm we made love almost every time I fell asleep. Since I was 7-8yrs old all I ever wanted was to be with my soulmate and since I turned 35 I have met her over the Internet I have more to say I will be back later and I love your story, us get this our initials are almost the same and it will be if we ever get married hers is C.A.A, and mine is, C.A.S!

My first love made the news , hadn't seen him since we were 17 . My parents broke us up and i was pregnant with his child 31 years ago .. He was arrested and will be going to prision for 9 years ..for drugs So i wrote him and he wrote back , telling me all his relationships failed , he never got me out of his head , ever . his life was always unhappy , because he didn't have me in it .. He loved me , he always has ,and will until the day he dies .. I been married 25 years to someone else , who i care about but not like i did him .. I searched for him for 31 years , guess the good thing is i finaly know where he's at ... and he said when he gets out in 9 years , it will be 40 years passed and it maked him thinking about it .. and he cryed ...

I don't think you will ever read this, as you posted you story long time ago. I'm writing because the way you feel is the same way I felt time ago. English is not my mother tongue, and when you explained how you felt it was as though you were talking about me. I searched for my fl for over 12 years. All my searches had dead ends, not a single word. I spent hours on my computer looking for a single clue, but nothing was found. I knew it was him, something inside me said it was meant to be. But above all, I knew that if I contacted him again, he would feel the same. Don't ask me how I knew it, but the truth is that I DID KNOW HE LOVED ME. 12 years later, that sureness I had about him being "the one" grew stronger. I felt like you, IN PEACE, everything in my life had sense, everything was in place, the happiness I felt was absolute. I suddenly understood why my life (a good life) had been the way it had been, and why I had experienced certain things that didn't have any sense before, but now they were clear. As if there was a "bigger plan" that had led me to him after all. There had always been "something" missing in my life, but after those 12 years I was feeling complete for the first time in my life. Never felt so sure about anything before. Contacting him was "the right thing".<br />
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I wrote him a letter. Never got an answer. Now, 22 years later I still haven't had any news from him, and never will. I still wonder how on earth it's possible? How could I be so certain about everything and still be wrong at the same time?, how is it possible that eveything led me to him? how is it possible that every inch of my body, all of my instincs, and my soul could deceive me like that?

Such a beautiful story...I am crying while I write this to you. My first love C is all I ever think about...but I had a second chance at it and I blew it! I guess I am hoping for one last chance to re-kindle such an eternal love. My heart aches for him and "our" song always plays every where I am,(in the car, at the grocery store, the gast station, at work, etc...), I feel like it means something? I can't tell you how empty I feel inside and with no matter what guy I am with? I compare everyone to C and to every thing? I am with someone right now who I care about but, dont really love like C and C is living with someone as well. I'm so afraid he will never come back...I wonder if he thinks of me? I have dreams that we are together...I'm sure you think i am pretty warped but its true I can literally feel him touch me in my dreams and I am so happy...god so happy! I can understand how you felt and I am so very happy for you...I wish you eternal love with J. I only hope I will get one more try but i'm not so sure I will...maybe its just punishment for my stupidity! If I could have that one more chance I would cherish him as much as you do J for the rest of my life. Otherwise I WILL die broken-hearted!

tjbcf71, I know exactly how you feel, I was lost without him for so long and didn't realize how much of an impact he had made in my life so long ago. <br />
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I do have an update. As fate would have it yet again. The company that I am working for sold some real estate, and it just so happens that the real estate they sold is located in the same state J currently lives in. The group that I am currently working for now is transferring out of state in the next few months. So it was either move 1500 miles away from J or move 90 miles away from J. As it turned out the company in the same state as J gave me a promotion and a very large increase in salary. So, this summer I will be moving my family to pursue my new career path and I will be very near J. Fate has a funny way of showing itself to me, we couldn't be happier and we are still very much in love and finding that we are more in love with each other every day. I am still amazed.

Wendy, this is an amazing story, and you truly are a lucky girl. I would give so much to have my "J" back in my life....he is the only guy I have given my all to, the day he left, 21 years ago, he took my heart with him..

A new addition...<br />
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J and I were reunited October 16th via the phone of this year. I have searched for him for 10 years following my divorce. We have been talking for hours since then. I have plans to travel to see him November 6th!!! When we talk on the phone, it's as if the 25 years between us never existed. When I talk about J to my family they can't seem to understand and always seem to issue caution. I can't seem to describe what has happened, only that it's, for lack of a better word, "bliss"! I feel so at peace now that I have found him that my life seems to just fall into place. I think the most amazing thing about this entire experience is that he reciprocates all of my feelings back, he gives it freely and unconditionally. <br />
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He has searched as have I for that "missing something" and when I heard his voice, my search was over. I don't know if it's chemistry in the brain, or it's meant to be as it's our destiny to be together, but whatever it is, I can tell you that I will never spend another day in my life without him. <br />
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I'm 40 years old and I have now learned that the 4 year relationship I had with J was the foundation of all future relationships. I feel as though through both of my 2 "serious" relationships that I have experienced both lacked that "something". When you truly Love someone unconditionally, everything about them, their quirks, laugh, jokes, smile, leaving the tooth paste cap off are all things that you find you absolutely Love about them. <br />
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I looked for 10 years to find him, and 1 day in a matter of 2 hours, he was easily found? Is this my destiny? I know it is!

Love4Life, I am so glad that you found your first love? how long ago was it when you were reunited?? What happend? I'd love to hear!

Starchild, one of my biggest fears was that I was going to find J no longer with me. I cannot tell you how relieved I was when he answered the phone that day. I'm so sorry for your loss, I certainly feel for you and cannot imagine what you went through. I do hope that your pain has eased and that you can be at peace. <br />
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That's Wonderful for you! You're story brought back a sad feeling for me.... ............... When I "J" was 14, I dated "W" for almost a year. I broke up with him to date and then marry my 1st husband. (that marriage lasted 5 years) To make a long story short I "J" , looked up "W" ... and found out he died at 46 yrs. old. My heart ached for days..... ) : I think it's odd how you are "W" and he is "J"..... that's what prompted me to write this story. (I broke "W"'s heart... and I don't know if he ever got over me). Where ever you are now... -*- " W "-*- I pray that you know/knew how I'm sorry for hurting you. {{{W}}} Love, J