Ok, I have decided that I need to share my story with others if only to inspire ...
I suppose I should start out with.. When I met J. I was dating his brother, at the ripe ole age of 14, and his brother who was constantly way, J and I hung out constantly. I learned from hanging out with J that even though he was only 15, his life experiences were amazing, having come from a military family, he had stories of life from all over the world.
I fell in love with J before I even realized what was happening, it was infections. It was 4 years of the most amazing, fun, free spirited time of my life. I loved him so much I gave up the true gift that any woman can give of herself.
It was at the end of a 4 year relationship that my family had to move away, and although we tried to see each other as often as possible, J was on a path of self destruction due to a very troubled family foundation and we lost touch.
I had met and married a man I would be married to for 12 years with 5 amazing children. During the time of my marriage an old girlfriend, who subsequently had met her husband through J and I when we were young, was turning 30 and I was being invited. I hadn't spoken to her in years but during our younger years, her now current husband, J and I hung out constantly. I asked her if she had J's number and she immediately replied YES. I had my husband call, unsure of his current family dynamics and didn't want a current girlfriend or wife to be jealous. So when my ex handed me the phone, I was speechless. I couldn't believe I was talking to him after so many years. The conversation was brief, he spoke of his kids, his marriage and things of that nature. When I hung up with him, I asked my husband to throw the number away, and I went silently and cried for quite sometime. I got over that little bit of drama after sometime but J was always on my mind.
After my divorce, I looked for J again, my childhood girlfriend had lost contact with J and I was left hunting on the Internet, knowing J as I did I knew Facebook and Myspace would be useless. I would often think of him and how much I truly loved him and how much I wish I knew if he was ok, and happy. ALL of my searches ended in dead ends and certainly with frustration and sometimes even depression because of the frustration.
It wasn't until recently, talking with my childhood girlfriends husband (the same guy J and I had introduced her to, still together and married after 25 years) and him telling me of all the people we hung out with back then that he was really the only one he wish he could get in touch with. So I agreed to look again for him, hoping that this time would prove to be successful, but I wasn't hopeful and prepared myself for a let down again.
The same search engine I used as I have always done, hoping I would find something unique that maybe I hadn't spotted before, proved to be the same ole same ole, but what I found is that it led me to another data base. So I searched that one, and found a unique name, the age fit, the middle name fit, and I confirmed that the birthday matched but the first name was unfamiliar. So after a long pause just staring at the name.. I decided to go for it. to my surprise there was a charge, I felt strongly enough about this name I had been staring at, so I went for it.
It took almost an hour for this "report" to come back with the info I needed, but there it was. A name, a phone, and an address. So, I took a deep breath and called. I remember saying, "Hi, I have a crazy question to ask, and I'm not a telemarketer". I asked for him by name and he asked politely "may I ask who's calling" and I told him my first name and my maiden name, and his response will live with me forever. He just giggled and said... "Hey, Wendy" my heart dropped.
The root of this story is, that Since that day that I called, I have realized that those feelings I had, those emotions, the love, the desire, all those intense feelings I had back then came rushing back two-fold.
And the most amazing thing is, is that he feels the same way. To be given back that type of love in return, so easily without ever having to ask is the most amazing feeling in the world.
When you search your entire life for something you think is missing, but you are unsure of what that "something" is, it comes to you when you find this one true love in your life. I have never felt more at peace than I do now. I feel that all my accomplishments, school, children and successes are all complete now that I have found my soul mate. I often ask what did I do to be so deserving of this type of happiness, a happiness that I couldn't even begin to describe, and I can't answer. I don't have to know this man because I know him already, I don't have to "learn" him or mold him to what I think he should be, because he is that and then some. He is my old J but such a better J that I wouldn't change a thing. I love him unconditionally.
For those who are still searching and longing for that "something" that is missing in your life, and are not currently married or involved I urge you to seek out your first love. I don't recommend this to folks who are married or involved in a committed relationship, because the intensity of your first love when you find them again is enough to make you do just about anything to re-kindle that feeling because it is THAT intense, beautiful and amazing.
I have been given a second chance, a gift and every moment that I have with J is never taken for granted because every moment I have with him is a moment that I never thought I would have again.