Suicide and a Set Up.

We were getting divorced after being together for over a decade.

I had filed a restraining order against him for stalking me and attacking me twice after I threw him out....once in my own home with my children home.  The order was filed at our first divorce hearing in front of a judge.  That was a Thursday.

Friday he found out he was facing 6-9 years for tax evasion and fraud. Friday night he called me and he was himself again...like the man I married and I got sucked into the conversation.  We talked for hours that night.  Saturday morning on my way home from work (I worked nights), he called me and told me I should go tanning cuz I'd sleep better.  It was an odd request, but I went with it.  I got to the salon to find that he'd placed a significant amount of money on my tanning account.  Weird.

Saturday night he met up with the first love of his life and had dinner with her.  He left there, went to a club, met a woman and spent the night with her.  Sunday he had our girls and he wouldn't let me pick them up....again, it was strange.  When I met him to get the girls, he was back to acting like the man I knew and was all smiled and stories.  He told me about meeting up with his first love and spending the night with this woman.  He was all excited...and I was happy for him.

Monday he called the guy I was seeing and asked him to meet him at a bar for a couple of beers so they could work things out between them and make peace.  They were there for about 4.5 hours.  When they left, he got on his motorcycle at 10pm ...and the crash happened on a back road.  He ran into a 4"x4" mail post.  It crushed the left side of his skull.  He never woke up and he was pronounced dead at the hospital shortly thereafter.

I was notified of the crash by the guy I was dating.  When I got there, hubby's family was there already.  I didn't get there before they pronounced him dead.  I was too late.  I spent a few minutes with him and when I came out there were sheriffs everywhere.  Within minutes after that I found myself in the center of a murder accusation/investigation.  His sister accused me of orchestrating the meeting and the accident and convincing the guy I was seeing to run my husband off the road!  They even interrogated my 10 year old because his sister lied and said my kid said something she never did.

The investigation was closed within 12 days.  It was ruled an "accident" and cause of death was "multiple traumatic injuries". 

The long and the short of it:
Divorce hearings.
Restraining order.
6-9 years federal time.
Health issues.
Made a special dinner date with his first love.
Met a strange woman and spent the night with her.
Wouldn't give me my girls back on Mother's Day.
Met up with the guy I was seeing and talked to him about each of the kids and I and told him things he'd need to know to take good care of us.
Was the most incredible equipment operator/professional driver I've ever known.  There was nothing in the road, no obstacles or sharp corners..no nothing.
Crash was exactly 13 years to the day after his dad died.
He had told his sister what to do should "something happen to him" which included what to do with his equipment, where his money was, how he wanted it spent, etc.  He also told her that "if anything happens to me you make sure they look at __<insert guys name I was seeing here>."
He told several people he'd never live to see 40.  He was 39.
He told several people if he died, he wanted to do it on his bike.

He was doing 104mph at the time of impact with a BAC of .13.

He committed suicide.  No doubts in my mind.  He not only committed suicide but he tried to set me up while he did it.

I'm mad as hell and I struggle every day to figure out what the hell I could have done to deserve such venom....what our girls did to deserve him cashing out like that.

I showed him though.  I took the company and turned it around and we had the most successful year on the books.  I found the man of my dreams and I married him.  I have survived and I have flourished and grown....and if there's one thing I know now that I didn't know then....I know what I'm made of.  
momsdabomb momsdabomb
36-40, F
10 Responses Jun 11, 2007

I married a man whose wife committed suicide. I saw what it did to him and their children. At the end of the day each person is responsible for his/her own actions. You cannot make anybody happy, you can only contribute to their happiness. I just know that the people who are left in the wake of a suicide have so many more issues than with a natural death. Congratulations on having survived it and on being strong enough for your children.

<p>Though he apparently tried to implicate you in his death - it also sounds like he calculated everything he did leading up to it. I am sorry he tried to cause you more pain in the end but I am so happy for you that you rose above the path of destruction he tried to leave in his wake to take care of yourself and your children.</p>

Going through a time with the wife talking about suicidal stuff now. Your story really hits home!!!

Really? Just try for once to get into the mind of a man who has nothing to live for. Depression is a horrible way to live life. He had a dream once. Now...know one there to help him, to see the other side, to be his friend. I know, because i had a dream once to and now i hate life and wish it was all over. **** this world.

Lemmonsong- the mind of a man who has nothing to live for is a man who has my sympathy/empathy. A man who had everything, dumped all over all of it, and then was too chickenshit to see the aftermath? No sympathy. No empathy. Just.......anger with no small amount of disgust and pity.

I carry, every day, what he was too self-centered and ultimately weak to shoulder. The truth is.... I'm fantastic at it. My family is amazing, and it's because I *work* at it. I don't shoot myself in the damn foot and then wonder why I can't walk, let alone try to blame someone else for it. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm scared. - And I still *work* at it. It's how **** gets done.

I hope, with all my heart, Lemmonsong, you find whatever it is you're looking for and something that makes your heart happy. If you need help, GET IT. If you're going through stuff you can't handle, help IS available. It's not weak to seek out what you need. It takes strength. It's weak to be too proud or too anything to let something that CAN be helped eat you from the inside out. Only you control that. My experience has been a ****** way to learn that life really DOES consist of choices.

I wish you peace, but do not ask me to pity my late husband. It's not right and it's not fair.

I have witnessed many people take their life. I have also thought that the people are saying they don't want to be here with all the pain and grief , they don't live up to the standards of the people around them or if humanity is going to be this way they don't see themselves as human anymore. I guess her point was he had malice involved with his plan. He sounds like he may have had some mental disorder along with a terrible course of events accumulating. He wanted to punish her for it all. Terrible just terrible.

Understand where you are... sitting on that razors edge right now.

That was an awesome reply!

that was directed@ momsdabomb

You are 100 % correct in your assessment momsdabomb. No one has the right to blame you or ask you to feel sorry for a man who terrorized you and then checked out on you and your children while trying to leave you holding the bag.

3 More Responses

Amazing!! I am just amazed. You Go Girl is right.. I am happy for you and hope your kid are well

This is too much! It sounds like he was never happy for a minute and wanted to make sure you weren't either. I'm glad you've worked through it. Best to your girls.

What an inspirational story. I'm so glad you are doing well. You have been through a lot of trauma. Your husband was a very selfish person to do this to you and his children.

Truly an inspiration- personally, that's a testament I needed to read before I embarked upon a new venture...it's true that you learn your composition and that it's MUCH stronger than assumed. Thank you for sharing your empowering story and reminding me of how much stronger I have become. ROCK ON!

wow, that is a wild story...what a strange world we live in...it's good you've made it through all that and gotten stronger

You go, Girl! With all of that behind you, life is much more meaningful, because you truly know how bad things can get. Enjoy your sweet blessings!