The Secret Life Of A Homeless

As of right now I am technically still homeless since i am living in someone else house. I remember the first day that i became homeless. I was thirteen years old. Me my mom and sister was hiding out in the bushes waiting for the cops to pick us up. We were hiding from my mother's abuser. It was a close call, we stayed quietly fearing our lives as that Toyota SUV past back and forth at the mouth of the street. A few feet away we lay in the tall grass i was crying while mom covered my youngest sister's mouth.

Next thing i know the police arrive and place us in an domestic abuse shelter.One of the worst experiences of my life took place. It was the first time in four years that i had been to a public school. I had to where this hideous striped shirt and stretchy jeans (both of which was too big for me) that was donated.The kids would tease.

From there we ended up on the streets. My brother would sell his body for Meth and my Mom became an alcoholic that hooked up with a crackhead.

A daily routine was go to school, eat my free lunch, have the buss driver drop me off at an apartment building so that the other kids wouldn't know that i was homeless, go to the church and get a free meal, go to sally shop and goodwill, then on weekends take the fruit i had pillaged from the beach(also the drugs). Since Mom and her boyfriend(the same bastard who tried to rape me) was a mess i had to take care of everything.I barely graduated from high school.

This continued on until I graduated from high school and left my family. Now i go to college so i can get a better job and not go through what i did in the past.
vydyn vydyn
9 Responses Jul 10, 2012

You have come a long way. Keep up the great work!

The fact that you actually even know what happened and know that any of it was bad means that your psyche is well intact. You're 20 years ahead of me and will not have to deal with anywhere near as much loss as I have.

Reading a story like this makes me realize how much more hellish than that my own life is been.

But you have had a hellish life. Try to stay away from any draining people because you already have too much trauma. You especially have to be careful of which kind of Christians you get connected to. To try to avoid the ones that dismiss your sufferings and shoot the wounded with scripture and also the ones who are part of confused doctrine/cults, and find the good ones.

If you feel like you're the type who wants intimacy and love, then find only a goodhearted man. How to identify a goodhearted man.... his heart thirsts for justice. He feels pain in his heart over all the pain and suffering in the world. He does not abuse women. In fact, there are not very many men like this. But there are some.

I know these things because I am this kind of man.

You can read several stories on my EP about these topics. Some of them explain how to heal your brain and reintegrate the fractured psyche a bit.

You must have had some kind of outside human influence that was healthy and spoke with you about these things in order for you to even know at such a young age that your background was unhealthy.

I did not have that. We were totally isolated with an abusive neglectful mother, then entered adult life with no mentorship or perspective at all, and I had no idea whatsoever how severely the suffocation for human intimacy and attachment affected me and damage my brain until I was in my mid 30s.

I was so traumatized that I slept in my boots and clothes on the hard floor until I was 32 years old, and I never approached women at all.
Well the story gets much worse and more tragic from there. I am 40 now. Though I have done an incredibly extreme work of healing and sought God with zeal and saw gloves and a better life, I have not succeeded and I still have extremely severe issues and problems in my brain and nervous system etc because of all this, and I still do not have a loving wife. I am still alone.

Whoever those people are who gave you healthy perspective, try to spend more time around them.

If your family is not interested in healing or not capable of it, then do your best to just forgive them, forget about them, and establish boundaries.

Boundaries means you forgive them, but you do not get closely involved in their lives. You don't have to see them anymore.

There are different stages to homelessness. You are not fully homeless until you end up alone in the streets, and you start to smell like rot when you're clothes become part of your skin and your skin color gradually has become a mixture of oil and dirt, and you have walked all over the county and have only eaten one meal every three days, and you have to beg for money on the corner and the cops pull you over for no apparent reason other than because you're homeless.

This is the real homeless. If you have a place to stay, even if it's someone else's carpet in the living room, you are not homeless as we know it.

Sorry, I wrote the above comment before reading your full story. I think you are something for having survived what you did, and focusing on college to change your future. Congratulations for that, no one can take that away from you and you deserve to know that you are a great example to many. I wish you the best in your quest for success. Truly inspirational.

I definitely do not agree with that.

To be homeless is to be starved for love.

To Have love, attachment, and the social belonging and sense of home that comes with it is what it means to have a home. Every person who does not have that is homeless, and will suffer extremely dire consequences because of it.

A home is not a shower or a bed to sleep in. You can have those things and be homeless, and die slowly or quickly from homelessness.

The way the vast majority of those people ended up in the condition that you described is because they had the homelessness that I'm talking about.

I'm speaking from experience, and that is how I ended up in that condition. I have lived outside like a rodent, lived in cars, gone weeks without a shower, and eaten dog food - even as a child. That All happened in the USA.

I understand what the root problem is on these matters. I have a bed to sleep on now in a basement. It is not a home. I dread coming back to my room alone at night and I have no sense of home anywhere.

Sorry about your situation. You're talking being homeless in a psychological and emotional way. Though there are homeless who have that sense of belonging while being homeless, and there are people with homes and jobs who live alone and emotionally they feel detached from their everyday world, I would say this person is just empty while the homeless is fulfilled emotionally. A sense of belonging and emotional security can be anywhere, but it is more likely to be found under a home, with family and stability; this is what the world is striving to find, sometimes you get there and don't find it, that's ironic.

What you are saying is derived from the saying, home is where the heart is, which has some truth, but you have to look at the big picture and if you're not happy, change something.

Been there, done that, and worse.
You got started in healing 12 years earlier than me. I didn't even know I was traumatized or my background was wrong until I was in my mid 30s.
Since you have such an early start, maybe it will go better for you. I've no hope for myself anymore. Utterly overwhelmed and exhausted in my soul with being starved for human intimacy attachment and affection all my life. Hopefully you will find it sooner.

Thank you for this story vydyn.......

glad you enjoyed it! :)

My homeless experience was very different from yours and thankfully I did not have to endure such uncertainty at such a young age. I hope college gives you the structure and opportunities you could trully benefit from. I am happy you are fighting the good fight. I know it is hard.

Wow! we have alot of experiences in common!

We do I know :)

That was a very rough and touching story ( I read through all of it). While I can't exactly relate to it, thankfully you have managed to overcome this, and that's something that is really difficult to do (Props to you ^_^). How is your life going now if I may ask?

I'm doing fine now. Just trying to adjust to college life.

Ok then. And how is that going for you?

I went thru alot of what you're going thru.. sleeping and living outside, trying to find a warm place to rest in the winter time..Those were some of the longest days of my life. Two of the longest yrs of my life, the efects are still there..seemingly popping out when I least expect it. Not sure if we're able to be friends or not, but id we are.. I can go into more detail what happened and what is was like... How are doing now? How is your family? That is such a tough thing to go thru. You have to grow up so fast, and that is sooo unfair

it is. i'm okay but to tell u the truth i don't live with them anymore. I still talk to my mom an sister. I am seriously worried for my mom since i heard that she collapsed and had to go to the ER. U never forget.

Don't worry about her. You have to survive. Worry about yourself.

wow.... I can't go into detail..yet of my experience.. but we have alot in common. How are you doing and feeling now?

I'm doing alright now but i still have a long way to the top.