How Long Does It Control You?

Painful suffocating confusion. The ripple effect multiplied by the number of days you've sucked in the air of self doubt. An experience that leaves you simultaneously lost, hurt, a victim, but also in the wrong. When they glance at you and whisper " family problems". But truthfully, they never do, because only the workers who handled your case know.

Being hurt by a family member who you turned to when you turned your back to all other family members, its like no other feeling in the world. It lasts like no other impacting event will last, not more, or less, just different. When everyday your thoughts flip back like the page of a book stubbornly flipping in the wind, back to the page before, "why?".

When the only answer to your greatest question is still alive, but the rules of society, your own rules of comfort and safety, deny you the ability to ask and have that one chance at being able to let go. How long does it take to get over that confusion? That sickness, that asphyxiation, that need? How long until all my success, all I should be proud of and happy about, stops feeling like its temporary and a future cause for heartache?
ChristineDarlene ChristineDarlene
18-21, F
Sep 14, 2012