Consider Yourself Warned!

I met him here. And he was perfect. I did not have a crush on him; I fell in love with him. He consumed my thoughts and my mind. Our exchanges were powerful and so deeply meaningful. We moved our conversations to gmail, and then to the telephone. It was powerful and electric. We both commented all the time, without any cuing, that we felt bonded, deeply connected and in love. We made plans, and started trying to work out the future of our relationship. But, it was an illusion. I am devastated. It was nothing more than him playing me, toying with, getting a nice high from having the adoration of some random girl. I knew it would be a mistake to come back to this site. Despite my feelings of pain and true loss, I knew if I came back here something would pull me in the direction of looking him up. And I did. And I checked out the profiles of the girls in his circle. He believes that I am no longer on EP. I said that after finding him, I had no real reason to be out there, on social sites, trying to meet knew people. I told him he was everything I could ever want; and I meant it. One of the girls in his circle has tributes. They are from him. He talks about how she's the best person he's ever met on EP. He talks about how close they are, and how she is the only one who ever truly understood him. He talks about how special she is and how he couldn't imagine his life without her. Funny, he said those things to me. So, it was stupid, and foolish. And, she's in her twenties. I turn forty soon. Very nice. Happy Birthday to me. I don't know what my future will hold, but I am thinking I should have stayed away. Reading how much he clearly loves HER was devastating. I feel like I got punched in the gut all over again. Silly thing, the beginning of our relationship was marked by a huge argument we had over his sexy comments he made using his other profile, which he claimed he deleted because he wanted me to trust him. Now, I realize that it wasn't at all like I thought it was. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was completely honest and transparent. I showed all of myself, the parts I love, the parts I am ashamed of, everything. Why must I always be so stupid? I learned from my horrible marriage that nothing lasts, and that monogamy is a dead concept. I learned, too bad the lesson didn't stick. I hope it is ingrained this time around.
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2 Responses Aug 12, 2010

I am so sorry for your hurt. I hope time and the love you deserve will heal this wound soon :)

The heart is fragile, even within the ether