I Freak Out In A Car Now

Well, I've been having anxiety/panic moments being in cars now ever since I had an accident, and I'm hoping that maybe writing about this and possibly connecting with others might help. So, here I go.

I had gotten a job with the census, and my best friend was letting me use her car. It was ridiculously hot that day. I insisted on wearing pants and a dressy/casual shirt anyway because I just felt it was plain tacky and unprofessional to be knocking on people's doors in shorts and a t-shirt, no matter how hot it was. I remember that I wasn't even going to go out in the field that day, but I wanted to get in a couple of hours before the week was over.

So I set out on the road, and was driving for a good 30-45 minutes looking for a particular house. I couldn't find it to save my life, so I decided to move on to the next one on the list. I turned a corner, and remember a song coming on the radio that I don't think I liked too much. I remember looking at the radio clock, and that's all...until I woke up to the car shaking over the shoulder bumps. I swerved to the left and apparently overcorrected, because the car then proceeded to swerve sharply back to the right. Off the road, on the grass, up a hill, heading towards a tree...and then I remember looking out the window to my left and seeing grass right next to it. I had a split second to realize that the car was flipping, and I asked God to send His angels to protect me.

And then as if nothing had happened, the car landed upright, and all I could do was sit there trying to process what had just happened. Later a friend who happened to be behind me said the car actually flipped 4 times.

Even though the car was totaled, I walked away with no injuries, thank God. But now every time I'm in a car, I'm always in this heightened state of awareness, anxiety, what if, paranoia, and fear, all rolled into one. Especially when other people are driving. I try to contain myself and keep it together, but sometimes the feelings just get so overwhelming. I almost don't like being in vehicles anymore, period.
justatime justatime
22-25, F
1 Response May 21, 2012

I understand where you are coming from. Things happen in the bl<x>ink of an eye and its not even always your fault. I have anxiety driving to the degree in which if I don't have to drive, I just don't. I leave for my lunch hour if I need groceries at 10AM when less cars are on the road because cars scare the crap out of me and I never know what another driver is going to do. Life is quirky like that I guess. I can't be in the passenger seat when the driver is tailgating or seems to not be slowing down for the car in front of them stopping. I literally scream every time. I am not sure that I can even afford a therapist because of the accident I was in. I hope your counseling works out. Take care.