I Caused a Fatal Car Accident

I was in a car accident, July 2008.  It was a fatal accident and I was the cause.  It was a beautiful summer day and I was on my way to the lake.  I have no idea what happened, but my car crossed the center line and I hit someone head-on.  They did not survive.  No, I was not drunk, on the cellphone or on drugs.  No one knows why I crossed into the other lane.  I am having problems with the fact that I killed someone even though it was an accident.  How do I forgive myself and move on.  I do not know anyone who was the cause of a fatal accident and I need support.

melbell melbell
52 Responses Jun 1, 2009

If you are still on this site, I would like to talk to you, I was in t

I was in the same exact accident. Reading this made my heart drop to know I'm not alone.. I am a 16 year old girl, I would love to reach out to you.

hey how are you doing. my ex was killed.. I've been trying to understand why it happened. no answers. I hope you're okay. it helps me to read this. I have to live with knowing my ex is dead and we will never talk, I have no idea how it feels to be in your position. let me know how you are now

this is my exact situation to a T except mine happened less than a month ago. a week exactly after i got my first car. i dont understand how it happened either. i was sober and i dont use my phone while i drive. there were rumble strips too so how did i not notice when i went over the line? the driver i hit didnt make it either and he wasnt even from here. i feel so horrible but i dont really say anything to anyone because they are taking it hard too. the cops said he didnt apply hisbrakes and there ere no skid marks. i dont remember anything about it so i have no idea how to prevent it in the future. i dont understand at all...

I am so sorry. Now that I am reading these posts I understand that this is more common that one might think. Did you get help, and how are you? My family is dealing with something similar, my brother in law is a truck driver and he recently mistakenly struck and killed a man. He needs professional help and is really overwhelmed with guilt. He is not one to be online I am hoping that he can find an in person forum such as this but so far nothing. We live in Columbus Ohio.

In my case, the accident happened this year. I went to the countryside with my family. I was on a motorbike going up-hills with my dad. We went through one full round then my dad asked me if i wanted to go for another ride and i said yes. Then on the way back, I still don't know what happened while i was driving on a zigzag road, i lost control of the motorcycle, he told me to break but It was too late. The motorcycle crashed with the pole next to the road. My father was in the ICU for two days and the he passed away. I couldn't forgive myself, I wish it was me instead. I cannot cope with this loss and I feel guilty. I am such a terrible daughter, I took a wrong turn and that's the end of everything.

I am so sorry to hear this how are you? My brother in law is a truck driver. A few months ago he accidentally hit a fellow employee and the man lost his life. My brother is overwhelmed with the guilt and I am looking to find a group or something like this that meets to help him cope. Any suggestions?

I have totalled 9 cars and I'm on my 10th I've only been driving for 11 years, my first car a 95 ford torus SHO, second a 2000 ford contour SVT, my third a beautiful white 1999 Cadillac STS on 20s, my fourth a 2000 Mazda MX5 that I totally pimped out (siezed) my sixth was a 1979 Cadillac eldeado in mint condition that I totallted the DAY I bought it, my seventh was an 2003 Acura 3.2CL type S (repoed after 4 years of payments almost payed off, I did put 190k miles on it in the time I had it though lol), eighth was a 1993 jaguar sovereign (stolen and never recoverd), ninth was my 1987 Lincoln MARKVII with fords 302 5.0L high output engine with only 120k miles on it :(, the same one they put in mustang GT"s), my 10th that I'm driving now is a 1990 Toyota Corolla GTS that I put 17 inch rims on new exsaughst, headers, cold air intake, and I'm waiting to fix her up - I absoulty hate the car im driving now although some people think it's a cool old car - I miss my others so much it hurts everyday I always think about them and see them whenever I'm driving I miss them so much and absoulty hate my luck, I never in any accident hit anyone besides twice and all the others was people hitting me with either no insurance or they claimed it my fault - I hate my life because of all the lost money and lost treasures I had - let that one soak in.....

Now I am broke and hate thinking about all the money that I lost not to mention credit getting ruined because of the accidents as well as just being flat broke I always put all my money into the cars I drove..... If anyone would like to email me to talk more let me know :(

I am a victim of a catastrophic car accident which broke my neck and the 17 year old boy and his family did not care. The boy continues to drive and has caused more accidents and speeding violations. He is a skateboarder pot smoking clown type careless teenager and his parents validate it. The father said he didn't care if I had to have 12 inch rods placed in my spine with 4 vertebrae fused with rods, crosslink bars and screws, 33 staples down my spine and a plate in the front of my spine. He actually told my attorney that if we tried suing him he would ferociously defend himself and he never once came to see me in the hospital or never once felt any remorse or sorry. They are very rich wealthy people, who purchased the seventh house in Topanga Canyon for $1 million cash while I was having revision spine surgeries for the last four years. The teenage boy made an illegal left turn failing to yield violating vehicle code 21801 – A.

Sorry you have to live with that pain. But, it was an accident, and still you are remorseful. That shows a lot about your character. You weren't using a cell or driving crazy. Still, there is a lesson in this as one hearing about it may just be extra careful and not use a cell or drive carelessly. Let me tell you from a parent who lost a child. It's the most horrible unrelenting pain one can ever imagine. If it weren't for God the only escape would be death. It's different than losing a mother, brother or sister. Not worse, but just far more painful and that pain doesn't end. We may learn to block for a time, but 10 years later it hurts the same when we think about it. The difference in what happened with you is that yours was purely an accident. What happened to my child was because of carelessness, and being selfish. One has to forgive though, but that's not saying the person shouldn't be admonished. My thought in your healing would be to tell people over and over how easy it is to get into an accident even without using a cell. And even if you save one life a set of parents would be saved the grief.

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This past Monday I was in a car accident that was my fault no one was seriously hurt. I feel like no one understands and I am hurting. I feel so bad.what sucks is that this accident is the second one I've had in a month but the first one I was trying to stop on black ice. and only reason my car was totaled was because it was an 03 Buick and It was a mess to begin with.I just feel like I won't be able to drive again. I argued with my parents Today about it. I just feel so bad I don't want to feel this bad.

I had just turned 18 ready to start new chapter in life when I lost control of my car an killed one of my best mates from childhood one wk out from his 18th birthday. It was an accident but that does not change the outcome for everyone that was in the car that night in the blink of an eye my actions caused a twin to lose a brother mother n father a son that's reality. Not a day goes by I don't think of him I've come to learn that's natural but the one thing i can't escape is the pain I caused his family my family n my mates lives that I turned upside down that is a pain no person should ever experience. I will forever carry that burden I alone. I lost apart of myself that night there is no winners in death I'd take his place in a heart beat. It's been 12 yrs an I still miss him. I now have 3 boys of my own I stil have my dark days but there the days that remind me why we should live life while we have it. It could be gone tomorrow. If u find the strength please forgive your self or at least live life for them. R.I.P bro

Thank you. ThiS is Good. The only things I heard in every comment I read before yours was.. I, ME, THIS, THAT, BLAHBLAHBLAH, stinging my heart space as another piece of my spirit goes dark, burns out, dies, the way stars do as the state of Humanity . Then, I read this. Thank you for restoring that piece of my spirit back to Life as a bright light of faith in Humanity. That in itself, is ,,,the reason your here. I'm sorry, for your soul pain.
God Bless.

My name is Kerri Burge, yesterday December 10th 2014 my husband and I had to bury our 18 year old son. I happen to have a different view of this kind of situation. The accident happened last Tuesday, December the 2nd between Union City Ohio and Greenville Ohio. A young lady hit a patch of black ice and hit our son head on. He was care-flighted to Dayton Ohio to Miami Valley Hospital. We found out Tuesday night that Dylan was brain dead. He was pronounced Wednesday at 12:01am. He was able to be an organ donor. The reason I am telling you all of this is so anyone can check this story out. I am telling you the truth. They young lady that hit him head on was injured in the wreck. We do not hate her, or wish ill will towards her or her family. It was an ACCIDENT. We are thankful that she survived and her family did not have to go through what we have in the last week. I am glad she survived. She will forever have to carry this with her and if there were any way to ease that for her we would. We have a very strong faith in GOD. He has seen us through every bit of this. Without him we would have been completely lost. I want you to know that if you ask God for forgiveness you don't have to carry it anymore. You cannot go back and change things. You have to strive to be the very best you that you can be. That is how you honor those who have passed. As the other side of something like this I can tell you I would give anything to change what happened, but God had other plans. I do not have to like it but I do have to accept it. God Bless you and I hope this helps.

Thank you a million times over for saying this. I was 16 years old when I was a driver that hit and killed a woman walking across the road. I never saw her. I was an inexperienced driver. It tormented me and ruined my life for more than 15 years. I was suicidal and miserable for most of those years. It was when I spoke with the woman's son and he told me that he had forgiven me years ago and that it was because he gave it to God I then knew what true forgiveness was. For the first time ever I learned how to forgive myself. It was the worst possible accident. I was blinded by the sun and never saw this woman. But I felt responsible. I carried the burden that wasn't mine to carry. Thank you for releasing this to God. You have given this driver the most powerful gift and your son is honored because of it. God bless your family and I am praying right now for an extra measure of peace in knowing that one day you will be reunited with your precious son.

I hope that the rest of your years are blessed and you can be a blessing to others. Wake up every day with the intention of doing something wonderful and that is what will happen. I personally (unlike others) cannot carry the negativity and hatred because it would destroy me. I have 4 other kids, and there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Dylan and the young lady that killed him. I pray for peace and love for everyone going through something like this. For those that are bitter and angry ..... you have every right to be that way but I can guarantee you it will not change anything or make you feel better in any way.

Thank you. I just last week finished my master's degree in counseling. I decided to become a counselor specializing in trauma and grief. I don't want others to go through the heartache and shame I lived for so long. I want her death to not been in vain and my life mean something. I have 3 kiddos ages 6-19 that need their mom to be here for them. You sound so much like this woman's son that said just the same thing about why he had to forgive me... He said it would have destroyed and eaten him up if he had held on to the negativity and hate. It does not me any of us have forgotten her. I think of her all the time and I grieve for her family. I too hope other can learn to forgive and what that means. I read a book called "amish grace". If you haven't read it, I would highly recommend it.

Congrats!!! It is awesome that you turned this around and are going to help others. It is God working through all of us that we can forgive and try to help others. I couldnt imagine being on the other side of this. I wish you the best and if times ever get to be too much you reach out. God will put someone in your path. <3

Amen, your forgiveness is a true testament of the Christ that is inside of you.

Thank you Kerri and I pray that you continue to hold on to you faith. I'm kind of on the other side. My 17 year son was in an accident, this week will be a year ago. He was deemed at fault hitting a car that turned on a yellow light. My son and the 16 year old passenger of the other car both died. I know this was a total accident and that neither driver meant to do anything wrong to cause it. My faith in God has been my strength through all of this but, I am now hearing things from the other boys family that are both upsetting and hurtfully to our family. I can understand the pain and hurt they must be feeling and I can even understand needing to blame someone for causing that pain, but I do not understand what my role in this should be. Should i be contacting them with apologies on his behalf? We did make a simple statement to them the day after, of prayer for God's comfort and love to surround them.

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yes how can you forgive yourself my son was killed by someone like you careless driver

wow that is harsh, it was an accident. that means not done on purpose.

This is a link to a website for people that have accidentally killed or injured someone. http://accidentalimpacts.org/

Hey that is a terrible thing, but you have to remember you did not kill anyone on purpose. You are not evil. It could have happened to any of us.

People take driving a ton of metal at the speed of bullet, far too lightly. Driving tests need to be much harder, and most people should not be allowed on the road. Most of you are idiots. You can't help it, but that's just what you are. Wasting peoples' time and killing other people because you had a lot on your mind that day? Are you serious? Please do not reproduce.

Are you serious! Wow, the day that you end up daydreaming and accidentally run a red light or have ADHDor depression and no one else to pay the bills so you cannot focus as well when you are driving to work will be a sad day for you, because after the comment that you just posted, no one will have any empathy or compassion for you, when you make a mistake, as all humans on the face of the earth do more than once in their lives!! Who are you to judge! Shame on you!! Some people cause accidents because they go into diabetic comas and others may have unexpected side effects from medications, still others just make a mistake, no matter how big or small the person's IQ is! Do a little more research on the kinds of people who have caused fatal accidents before you post another ignorant comment like this!

In other words: You better not demand that they take personal responsibility for murdering an innocent person, because one day, you might be a careless, selfish ******* behind the wheel and end up murdering an entire family, and then you'll also want to be relieved of any personal responsibility. Is that where you're going with that comment?

Honey doll, if you can't keep your defective brain focused long enough to drive a car safely, then you should take a bus. Or what...is your inferior brain too pathetic to even remember when to get off the bus?

One more thing, genius, the day he murders someone because he was too busy thinking about what Kim Kardashian wore yesterday, I bet he won't expect people to feel sorry for him - he'll be too busy feeling sorry for the person he killed. You're a sociopath who would murder someone, shrug your shoulder and be like "oh well, I was too busy, everyone feel sorry for ME!!!"

Right, because everyone knows that no bus driver has ever caused an accident.

i disagree with you

I agree with you 100%

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Yesterday, I was in a my first car accident and it was all my fault.... I was driving down a 45 mile per hour road and I had a lot on my mind from the day and i didnt realize i was coming up on a construction zone. The person was dead stopped in front of me and i was about 20 feet away when i realized i needed to stop but by then it was too late.. I breaked as much as i could and i swerved but i still hit the car - and that car bumped the car in front of them. the driver was fine, but the passenger, her 15 year old daughter was unconcious, when the paramedics got to her to bring her to the hospital she was conscience again but they were dealing with internal problems. I feel so horrible about the situation. My car was very big so it really was a lot of damage to the other person's vehicle. I dont know how i didnt realize that traffic was stopping but i didnt. I messed up my parents truck and i believe i totalled their car. I have never felt so horrible, i am 19. I don't know where to go from here, im scared and i don't know what's happening or is going to happen... I just keep replaying in my mind all the ways it could have been worse and i cant turn it off... and im scared to drive now. because how could i have been so stupid? and if i did it, couldnt someone do it to me??

Hi spring0tter. I was recently in an accident that I caused too; and I totaled my fathers car, too. When my accident happened, I was on a two lane road and the speed limit was 55. I went to make a left hand turn and didn't see the oncoming traffic, which was a pick up truck. By the time I saw the other vehicle, it was too late. We collided and both spun into a ditch; both facing the direction he was going. I felt so bad (words really can't describe the amount of guilt I had) I had caused the accident. I was lucky and no one got hurt, I was extremely lucky. I was traveling alone and so was the other driver; his truck was able to be driven off after the accident but mine, aka. my father's was totaled. Please forgive yourself and tell yourself every time you think of it and feel bad that it was an accident and you learned from it. We can't go back and change our past, we can only change our present, for our future. I am 25 and always have been a cautious driver, but some how I ended up causing an accident. What I want you to know, is even the most cautious, experienced driver can cause an accident, that's why they call it an accident. Your parents may show signs of anger, but if they do, know it is because they are probably trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. Cars are expensive, as you know, and it's overall just a stressful situation. The anger they may show you doesn't have anything to necessarily do with you, it is their reaction to a stressful event. Does that make sense? My father was very tight budgeted when my accident happened a few months ago, so if your family is too, it may take a little time for everyone to get over it and move on. Trust me, your family is so grateful you are ok and now it is time for them to deal with the aftermath, such as, dealing with insurance and getting a new car or repairing the other one. This is unfortunately a growing experience, like the officer on the scene of my accident told me, car accidents are rites of passage for many drivers. Forgive yourself and give your parents some room to accept and deal with everything (if they seem like they need it). I can tell by how you told your story that you have a deep soul and you are not a careless person. I'm sure your parents know that. Everything will be ok. Time will move on and this will become in the past. Forgive yourself, it was a mistake and just learn for it.

You are such an awful person. How about you never drive another car again, seeing as how you're too retarded to even keep your focus on the road. Seriously, I hope they sue the **** out of you.

You are not very nice.

100% agreed


you were not paying attention !

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I see some of you were asking about a site that may be helpful. I think this one has a lot of good info.http://accidentalimpacts.org/recommended-reading/

Vehicles don't just cross centre lines without very good reason let it be carelessness, or vehicle failure which would be examined and revealed to you, there has to be a reason and the grieving family needs an explanation I hope for all your sakes something is revealed if not it is a terrible injustice for all concerned for you and the family.. I do hope you get support and are able to deal with this terrible tragedy

I feel your pain...just today I got into a wreck and the same thing happened I don't know what happened I was on my break I guess I didn't slam on it hard enough ... but next thing I new I slammed into this ladies car I don't even know how this hastened honestly but I just truly feel terrible I ruined my moms car then I ended up messes up.the back of the ladies car ... when the wreck happened I went to see if everyone was ok and the lady I hit was so hurt because I messed up the last thing she had since her house had just burned down I mean I don't if she was lying or what but I surely feel like crap... like you are not a terrible person at all I can kinda understand your pain ... but understand God left you alive for a reason ... just keep praying God has already forgiven you ... it's time to forgive yourself and I know that's hard to do since we tend to be the hardest on our self but keep your head up and be optimistic good will soon come it's just extremely hard to see

People's point of reference come from their experience
with pain and suffering. The callous judgment from some show little life experience and wisdom. God gave us free will and we put ourselves in situations that can be dangerous , even fatal. Can he keep us from harm? Of course. But we are not meant to understand His reason. Why are we safe? Why do some die? That is faith - accepting what we cannot understand. Terrible accidents happen. God forgives us if we ask for forgiveness. It is often harder to forgive ourselves. Be aware of signs around you telling you God"s purpose for your life. You can forgive yourself if you use what you have learned for the glory of God. One day at a time. Just ask God to help you through the day...sometimes the hour. Wishing inner peace and love for all in this chain.

God bless you for your kindness..

Thank you for sharing your story. I can certainly identify with a lot of these posts. In 1997 I had an alcohol related fatal accident that claimed the life of my best friend of 22 years. It has been very hard for me to recover and forgive myself for all the lives I know I shattered that day. And although Counseling, Drug and alcohol, AA meetings, church friends, supportive family members and friends helped a lot, there's still the parts they can't help you with and as far as I know, they don't have any counseling or support groups that deal with the driver of such a tragedy. I read once that the closest thing is support groups for war vets and after talking to my neighbor who was one, I understand. Because he feels tons of regret for killing while in combat. Although he had no choice the memories at the scene will haunt him forever too. My healing will never end. I still think about my dear friend every single day and not a day goes by that I wish I could take it back. One thing that helps is my faith in God because this is just too big for me to handle without Him.And I do believe I'll see her again. Things still happen to help move me forward. Right from the start what I wanted and needed the most was forgiveness especially from her family. It's still a rocky situation. Although they know I didn't do it on purpose and they have forgiven me, some of them still can't be around me. Some of them just started to and it's the best feeling in the world. I did appologise the day after soon as I could, and even went to her funneral. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
It takes a very long time to figure out who your friends and enemys are and it's so hard and scary going any where till you know. You feel like open game for anyone to abuse you if they take a notion. Along with the intence fear, shame, gult and sorrow you feel so along freaked out, stressed out and sad and you know your life has changed forever. You don't know if you'll ever recover or be okay, especially the first 4 years or so. One of the things I wanted the most was for the family to forgive me and let me spend time with them.
After 17 years, one of the best things that helps is that I started doing presentations for both the county, 'first time DWI offenders' and high school students. Not only do they listen intently but they help me with their feed back. Some want to tell me stories of their own. And some tell me that I just changed their way of thinking forever. They are awesome. And I do believe that's what has helped me to forgive myself. I finally found some meaning in all this madness. A purpose. Hope everyone is moving forward. Best wishes to all. I feel your pain.

I could cry for all of you&myself..but what can one do..God willed it this way..we would never know the reason why it happened...when all we had wanted in life was never to hurt anyone even with our words..

Hey My boyfriend is going through the same exact thing he is so depressed he hates himself he is emotionless numb and now he is pushing me away and I don't know what to do. He does not know how to live in the present

be patient.

I caused a car accident that killed my girlfriends' baby in 1986. Anybody out there with a similar experience?

I was in a similar situation... would love to talk and see how you are coping... I am having a hard time myself..

Dear KLD024, I am in a similar stituation too.It happened on the 13th of August,just last month.I have been in my own private hell.But what has helped me to bear the pain is a book called Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh.Though my brain rejects one particular part of it,the rest of it has made it possible for me to make it through these dark days and nights.It was a senseless tragedy and only God knows why it had to happen.But people like you and I,have to trust in God&help each other out of these dark nights of the soul..At least I feel that I have to..

I also have been involved in car accidents but none of them have been so fatal to kill someone. I understand it is not easy to move on since the memories linger around in the mind and even gives sleepless nights.

It was around 2010 when I had borrowed my colleague's truck and needed to go upcountry urgently. Unfortunately I had a head on collision with a fence, trying to avoid a stray boar which had come out on the road. I had quickly called up my colleague and asked him that I will be away for two days and I contacted http://www.automotix.net/truckparts.html which were delivered to me within three hours (the truck parts) and I then returned the vehicle as it was before.

Thanks to prompt delivery services of such agencies, my senior didn't suspect a thing.

back in 1975 my mom and i were in a vehicle she was driving and she hit a woman and her baby who were crossing the highway at night. they died instantly i think -but they did die.
i have been racked with grief, guilt, remorse, sorrow, disappointment , depression since as a result. it has taken me a long time to get behind the wheel of a car as a driver/ i was 4 or five when it happened - i am now 41yrs old. i left my mom to live with my dad when i was 6 and havent seen here much although we connect by phone and occasional visits. i know she too has been racked with guilt and remorse often thinking it was witchcraft that caused the accident.

i think we need to move on - forgive ourselves and under stand that it was not entirely our fault although i dont know your circumstances completely.

god is in control. we survived - we owe it to the dead to live on and live and love fully without guilt. good luck i am rooting for you and am on your side.

In December I was put on a new medication for depression, Pristiq. I am a single mom with two children, and work a full time job at a hospital, and have been struggling with depression, anxiety, and trouble sleeping for several years (since the divorce). I had also been prescribed Ativan to take at night to help with sleep.

I had just gotten back from visiting my parents for Christmas and had been up for three nights straight helping with my dad who had late stage Parkinson's so my mom who is his caretaker could get some rest. He was on hospice at the time and has since died.

I woke up from a terrible nightmare and was extremely anxious and depressed and took an overdose of Ativan. The next thing I knew I was in the ICU at the local hospital. Apparently I got in the car and was trying to drive to the hospital to get help. Unfortunately I caused an accident. A family of four with two young children was in the other car and the children were both injured - a broken wrist and a broken ankle. By the grace of God no one was killed.

I have struggle with so much guilt since the accident. I am currently being charged with 2 counts of intoxication assault with serious bodily injury because of the Ativan in my system. There was no alcohol in my system. I have been suspended from my job at the hospital and may lose my license if I am convicted of a felony. There was no alcohol in my system. I FEEL SO MUCH GUILT OVER THIS ACCIDENT. I was already struggling with depression and the guilt has caused me to have suicidal thoughts. The only thing that has gotten me through is God. I pray for the two children and family every day and I know God has forgiven me and that I have to forgive myself. I know some day I will want to write a letter to ask the family's forgiveness but I can't now because of the court case.

I understand the grief, guilt you must feel but God can heal the brokenhearted. Some days are harder for me than others but I just have to keep believing God has a plan for us and He wants us to be happy. Thank you all for sharing as this has helped me share my story too. I wish all of you peace.

In July of 1998, I was at a local swimming hole with some long time friends. Their 14 year old cousin was visiting for the summer. When we all decided to leave and go to the local Walmart, their cousin asked if she could drive my truck, this it's when I made the worst decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life.I let her drive, while on our way and running at a high speed, something happened under my truck causing it to shake violently,.it slid aside ways over turned, and came to rest on the passenger side. I asked if everyone was ok,I thought I heard her breathing.blood was every where. I thought it was mine that was all over me but it WA mine and hers. She died instantly, and it's all my fault,I caused a mother and father to lose their baby. It haunts me every day. I can't forgive myself.I have children of my own now and I hope and pray they never get involved with someone like the boy I once a was. To the family, I'm so sorry and how you can find it in tour hearts to forgive me. Even if I can't forgive myself.

In February this year I lost the control of the car and the person I was with died immediately. Well I cannot deny that we had alcohol, it is the biggest mistake I have ever made, it is haunting me frequently even though I try by all means to get it in control. I do not know what happened, but after I woke in hospital, I wished I had died. At that moment I did not know that my colleague had died, my family let me after I had recovered positively. Me too I need help, but I am working hard to control it. I lost part of my joy mostly, all I do is go to work and come to my room that is it. Such situations hit you hard on your core and make you feel you are nothing but a trouble maker, I mean you are there numb, down on your self, feeling guilty knowing that another family has lost their member, it is terrible to me, it is not easy. But what keeps me going is that God do everything for a reason and He would never keep me in this world without any purpose to accomplish. I have no choice but to go on, it aint easy though.

I was hit by a driver who crossed the centreline in May last year. I suffered multiple injuries and spent a month in hospital and I am still recovering nearly a year later. I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time and thankfully I now have a healthy baby boy. We were very lucky to survive. At first I felt extreme anger directed towards the other driver. As time has passed I have come to realise that it is so easy to become distracted while driving, the other driver did not intend to hurt me, she was just careless and in the past I have also been distracted while driving, just not unlucky enough for momentary carelessness to result in an accident. I also am much more aware when I get behind the wheel of the damage cars can do and drive with much more care. I have learnt that it takes a long time to heal physically and emotionally. Perhaps doing something positive could help you to come to terms with what happened. How about doing something with a road safety charity to help spread awareness? Horrible things happen sometimes, life is unfair but maybe something positive can come from this experience.

Melbell is looking for a support group, not negativity from strangers. Mel bell, I cannot begin to imagine how you feel but I hope you learn to forgive yourself and try and move on with your life knowing it was an accident, could've happened to anyone. You need a professional councilor who has such experience with these unfortunate events.If you didn't do it on purpose, it's called an accident.I really don't understand why people don't understand accidents. All of you that don't believe in accidents , your opinion would change if it were you who caused such harm. The person who kills someone in a car accident, I believe a part of them dies too. That person has to wake up everyday knowing they have taken a life out of this world. I'm sure they live everyday reliving that accident.I'm sure the surviving cause of the accident wish they had died too. I think that the person who dies in the accident got the easy way out, they went to heaven. The person who caused the accident everyday life is a living hell. One of my good friends made a stupid decision to drink and drive, killing my cousin, who is a mother. Yes, I mourned my cousins death. But I can't help but think of how my friend must feel. I too came to this page looking for answers, how do I help my friend get through this?

Kater23, you have a nerve to say the "person who dies got the easy way out" what about the persons future gone, and the loved ones left behind that have to live every day with the LOSS of the loved one, such a sentence is unbearable and the fact you will never see your loved again is heartbreaking, an accident is caused and I know it is not intentional but they still caused it and killed someone and caused tremendous grief for another family.. The person who caused the accident I do believe is suffering but not like the suffering the deceased person's family is going through..... DRINK AND DRIVE ESPECIALLY DON'T EVEN THINK OF LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY

I just wanted to thank you for posting this. Knowing other people have been in similar situations is such a comfort since those who were not at fault cannot possibly understand how it feels. I got into a car accident last night with the two kids I look after. Thankfully no one was hurt aside from a few bumps but the car was completely totaled and we still had to go to the hospital. It was very traumatic since we spun several times and hit a pole and tree. I couldn't even open my door to get out of the car. The parents were very understanding of the situation but I still feel absolutely horrible that they trust me with their children's lives and this happened. I think the hardest part is just knowing I can't take it back, that I can't go back and check to see what I did wrong and fix it.

Does anyone feel they have become a better person from the experience? Or felt they learned something profound?I feel like theres nothing I can do to aside from trying to drive more safely in the future, and that still doesn't guarantee it won't ever happen again. Accidents happen everyday and there will always be things out of our control. I am trying my best to use this pain as an opportunity to grow but finding it hard to do so.

Thank you for sharing. I was in an accident on Saturday and had my 9 yr old and 7 mo old with me. Apparently I took a red light, I was so positive it was My green light until today my insurance called and a witness said he was right behind me and it was red. I feel so devastated I put both my children in danger! No one was hurt thank god but now I just feel horrible.

I too was in an accident. My best friend died sitting next to me. It was early and we had recently gotten a lot of snow. I was going under the speed limit but that didn't matter. I hit black ice and my car spun out just enough to put us in the path of a semi truck. We were hit right behind my seat but the impact was so great and my friend's seatbelt was behind her shoulder so only the lap portion was on and she was brain dead instantly. She was air lifted to a hospital and I was taken to a different hospital by ambulance. That was two years ago. It does get better, but by God's grace. He comforted me through my amazing community of family and friends and His word. I saw a counselor once, wasn't for me. It's hard when you feel like no one knows what you're going through or can actually sympathize. But I suggest you at least give it a try. People care and want to help-let them. Praying for all who go through this. God is sovereign and has a plan for us all, especially in difficult times.

Been over 12 years since my best friend died at the mercy of myself! No alcohol, no drugs, clear day, on a dirt road, lack of experience is what it was I suppose! You never get over it! The older I get, the harder it seems to let go and move on! I don't constantly think about it! I had therapy as I was 16 at the time! Now 28, I realize it forever changed who I am and from that day forward I was no longer myself! Sometimes I like me, sometimes I let my anger consume me! Unless you completely burry it and never think of it again, you never really move on! I think the lord had something in plan for me, just don't know what that is! To the people that think your looking for sympathy, get real!

I have read a lot of responses for your story and have tried to find the same help that you are looking for. My story happend two months ago on thursday. I was in a town I wasn't familiar with I was trying to find my way and like you I crossed that centerline and struck a suv head on. I have no memory of how it happend or what I was doing. I wasn't sleeped deprived or intoxicated and I wasn't speeding. I simply got distracted with whatever for a split second and changed my life and someone elses forever. I'll never forget the name of the lady who passed away and I have full respect for her and always will. She didn't die directly in the accident from what I hear she went into cardic arrest because the wreck was to much for her heart to take. I was severely injured in the wreck but when I heard she passed away I didn't care what happend to me I just wanted to take her place. I blame myself everyday and I don't think that will ever change. I can't answer your question because to be honest I'm still trying to find forgiveness myself. It's hard when people tell you that you need to get on with your life because they don't understand it's not that simple and never will be that simple. It's a pain that is with you every single day from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. This should be a happy time for me my boyfriend just bought an engagement ring and we are due to be married in December of 2013 but even though I want to be happy about this any time I let myself feel happy I feel horribly guilty. This voice in my head tells me I don't deserve to be happy that I should be suffering. God has blessed me so much and sometimes I wonder how such an amazing God could love someone like me and still give me so many blessings even though I don't deserve them. I pray for her family every single night since the accident and will continue to as long as I live. Someone very wise told me that even though it's not easy I have to keep moving forward and you have to forgive to be forgiven even if that means forgiving yourself. People make mistakes we have to accept them and not put blame on other things because even though we messed up we are not bad people. I'm someone who would never hurt a fly but yet this happend and I accept full responsibility for it. It was my fault and my fault alone and I believe that accepting that is the first step of many on the road to moving forward. I pray for you and all of you that have been through this too.

id like to say that i dont understand how you feel as nobody ever can but i can empathise with you slightly as i have been through a similar experience. my experience with the feelings that bubble up from this is that unless properly dealt with they wont go away. i pushed mine down for many years until eventually i could cope any longer and bepfre i did something stupid i sought help. i now see a therapist and it really helps. there are lots of therapies or councelling to try. you will never forget it but u will be able to put it behind you asnd move on. it doesnt have to control your life. i hope that you can forgive yourself and find peace no matter how long it takes. you are not alone.

Jesus loves you and died for you so that your sins would be forgiven. If God is gracious enough, then shouldn't we be the same way? I couldn't imagine the feeling of remorse, but you cannot beat yourself up over this. Take refuge in Jesus and let Him give you new strength every morning. Psalms 46:1. I'm praying for you!

I am going through something similar. I was involved in a fatal accident when I was in college. A cab pulled out in front of me an I swerved to the left and hit a car head on killing 2 people. I havn't forgiven myself yet and it has been 22 years. It has been something that defines me I can't get away from it. I can't tell you how to get over this experience since I still havn't gotten over my fatal accident.

You should start by not making it about you...you killed someone...you don't deserve sympathy.

That response is so useful... I have had an accident and someone was injured thank god not fatally.it has changed everything in my life.my family was falling apart because of my mistake.why would you be so horrible to someone in turmoil ?? Accidents will always happen as we are human beings and we get things wrong on a regular basis.we drive about in our letal weapons every day and its only by the grace of God that most days we get home intact.... :(

My family was destroyed by a man who caused my father's fatal motorcycle accident. I can't sympathize - what about our turmoil? What about our lives that will never be the same? What about our sleepless nights and nightmares? How do we explain to our loved ones that he is no longer there? Maybe one day I'll forgive but I will never forget and I hope this person suffers as much as we do.

The person is already suffering they live everyday knowing that they've killed someone. I have never heard anything so cruel from someone have a good day *******

gebriel3, I understand this person is suffering by feeling guilty and rightly so thats just the way it is when you take someone's life, but how DARE YOU SAY that you "have never heard anything so cruel from someone" after all bikerkid has lost their father can you imagine the emptiness, the grief and lonliness this family is going to go through for the rest of their days. So gebriel3 please have respect for bereaved family's they have a different suffering that will last a life time nothing can bring their loved one back, and whats more their loved one's life is taken away, at least the person that caused the accident is still alive and can try to rebuild his/her life and will do.

I agee with you my lovely one and only son was killed by a careless driver on his
moter bike he had right away driver pulled out driver got away with it I am deverstated

Did the person cause your father's accident purposely? If not you have NO RIGHT to make comments like these. Maybe YOU should just hope THEY don't commit suicide over your horrible comments.

Oh no its not like they where completly wrecked with grief and guilt knowing that they've killed someone . Its not like they went through years of self hate , blaming themselves for a sitution that was completly out of their control

You do realize that sometimes, and ACCIDENT is just that - an ACCIDENT.

It is a shame there are so many heatless ******** in the world who have to BLAME someone for everything bad that happens.

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On December 19, 2006, when I was 20 years old, I was the cause of a 4 car wreck that took someones life. The only thing I have found that helps heal the pain and guilt is time. I hid in the bottle for two and a half years immediately following and please heed my warning: ALCOHOL IS NOT THE ANSWER! A good support system and taking the TIME to come to terms with what happened are key. If possible, apologizing to the deceased family also helps, or at least helped me. Their forgiveness helped me move forward as well. But it's been over 5 years now and I still can't bear to see a car accident scene, even a minor one. I despise Christmas because of how close to Christmas the accident occurred. But I am getting better year by year. I know it is very hard but try to look at it as a tragic event that couldn't be helped, and try to move forward. You're a good person. If not, you wouldn't feel remorse or even care. Try to always remember that. I look at mine as a life lesson that I had to learn. Everyone has their tragedies and they are rarely the same as everyone else's. Just know that you are not alone. There are many of us living with the same guilt. It gets easier with time, but it can't be forgotten. I learned a lot about life, and myself from the experience.

Because of your strength in sharing what you did about your experience I have shared mine, 'I was also in an accident' by me hopeahead. Please know your not alone!

My step daughter was hit by a teenage uninsured motorist. She was air vac'd to Children's Hospital. Temporally blinded and with severe head injury. I have never heard that the boy wrote a letter of apology but I do feel everyone that has caused an accident (if they have a heart) feels remorse wither they express it or not. My husband never seemed bitter towards the boy. He seemed to understand that accidents do happen... the sun in his eyes or inexperience... I believe he feels that he hopes the boy forgives himself and can lead a normal and happy life and not get into drinking and drugs to cover the guilt and pain.

I was just in an accident today. I wasn't paying attention and I ran a stop sign, hitting a brand new car the woman had just bought. My car was smashed pretty good, but the damage to the other one was fairly minor. I got some good bruises, but other than that everyone involved was fine (my pride is a bit sore). Even though I didn't hurt anyone and my insurance will pay for the damages, I still feel awful about it though, mostly because I know my carelessness could have really hurt someone. I thank god that it didn't, and all I can do now is pay my ticket and move on. I've never been in a fatal accident, so I don't know what advice to give, but I'd definitely speak to a therapist if you need support, or someone who's had a similar experience. Im sorry you have to go through this, and I hope you can learn to forgive yourself.

My parents were killed in a car accident. It was late at night on a road in a rural area. Maybe they were at fault too because it's easy to think on those narrow back country roads that you'll never run into another car. Maybe if they had been found in time they would have survived, but the other person just drove off. That is what I have a hard time dealing with. The police said that it must have been a car with white paint. Sometimes if I make eye contact with a driver of a white car, I get really pissed off, but looking pissed off is normal in this city. My point is that if the person who hit my parents had stayed around to apologize, let alone get them help, I would have been able to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes I fantasize that the person(s) responsible will some day find me and apologize and then I hate myself for wasting my time like that.

A little over a month ago i also was the cause of a fatal car accident. I made a left hand turn and was t boned by a motorcyclist. Im in therapy but still really struggling with what my actions have done. Id just like to say it made me feel better to read these comments and see that im not alone in my feelings.

To go through something like that will take a toll on u mentally. I too was in a fatal car crash and i was the one who caused it. The guy was riding his motorcycle, it was night time and he packed his kid with him on the bike. I made a turn at the intersection and did not see them at all. Its been two years since the accident and the nightmares & depression still lingers till this day. Please you need to see a counselor or psychiatrist immediately. Dont deal with all this on your own. May god be with you.

I don't know what you are looking for here, you caused a CAR CRASH, I really hate the term Accident.<br />
I will not offer sympathy like the other people here. <br />
When you get your license you take on responsibility, your lapse in Judgment/Consentration caused a CRASH. Which ruins lifes, and has probably ruined the life of those you effected. You caused it, you feel guilty - do the people a favour, if they take you to court, take your punishment. DO NOT do what the man who took my mothers life done and lie through your teeth - get off with it then gloat about it.<br />
Those people probably want justice - give them it without complaint.

I am sorry for your loss, and the fact one man lied to get off. But accidents do happen, they happen everyday and we all risk these accidents getting into cars. Your words are harsh. These drivers are trying to deal with knowing a person has lost a life because of an accident they caused. Forgiveness will set YOU free. I am not sure what you are looking for on this website, other than to direct your misplaced anger at the wrong people.

Justice for what ,a sitution that was out of the other persons control there was no intention to kill someone an accident is an accident it doesnt matter if you hate the term al

I agree with you my son was killed were the justice my son not here to tell the truth car driver got away with it am so deverstated

My sister was in a car accident recently that ended the life of a woman. While it was her fault for crossing the center line and she has no recollection as to why or what happened she was not drinking or on drugs or reaching for anything. She is having a hard time dealing and I was wondering if she could join some sort of support group in our area for others like you all that have been through the same situations. I know she needs therapy but I also thought that a support group would help too. To let her no that she is not alone and one split second her life has changed. As well as the lives of others. I can't find anytype of support groups for this and was wondering if anyone has a suggestion.

Having been on the other side of a fatal accident (my Mom died and I was severely injured when someone hit us head on), I completely agree with the therapy statement. I don't know about talking to the family face to face but you might write them a letter. The girl that hit us swerved into my lane to avoid hitting a truck that was stopped to turn when she could have gone around him on the shoulder and everything would have been fine. The issued her a ticket for crossing the center line. Even though the wreck was almost two years ago, I wonder how she feels about it. I picture her going on with her life like it never happened while I have to live with the disabilities and loss of my Mom. She might feel just like you and be very sorry for what happened. The hard thing is that I would have really appreciated a heartfelt apology, the people in your accident might not feel the same way. Maybe it will help you to know that I don't hate the girl that hit us. She made a stupid split second mistake. Like you, she was drinking or on the phone. It was just a mistake and I have forgiven her for it. I hope, both for the family's and you sake, that they have forgiven you too. Now you need to forgive yourself. You didn't intentionally hurt anyone. It will always be part of your life but don't let it ruin it! Find a good therapist and talk it out!

I can fully appreciate what you are going through as well. i was recently in a car crash where I was completely at fault. I was crossing a major freeway in the country, i looked to the right and felt it was ok to cross, but was t-boned by a westbound car going on the freeway. We spun 360 and went down an embankment. My toddler and I were in the car and i am 7 months pregnant. My toddler was airlifted to the hospital I was frantic! Luckily, somoeone somewhee was looking out for us and he is doing fine and my unborn baby is ok too.<br />
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I don't understand how I would have misjudged so badly to put my family at risk! I wasn't distracted, there was no reason for me to do what I did. The other driver did survive, but I know her life will be eternally changed by this as well. I don't know how to attone for it and I don't know if i can ever trust myself again.

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I just searched for this board because I was the cause of an accident this past week that although was not fatal, could easily have killed my two young girls and my unborn baby (I'm 6 months pregnant). I have no idea how it happened but I ran a red light and someone coming through the cross road hit us, spun our van 180 and flipped us on the side. I can't imagine the feeling of someone actually having been killed but I can certainly sympathize with the feelings of not knowing what to do and how to move on. In my case, everytime I look at my girls I'm reminded of what I did and what could have happened and it's killing me. <br />
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What's even worse is that because I don't know how or why it happened I don't know how to trust myself again. I too was not drinking, didn't even have my cell phone with me, was not in a hurry and wasn't really thinking about much else that morning. It was just a regular morning driving my kids to daycare so I could go to work. <br />
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I'm thinking about talking to a therapist as well because I don't feel that anyone around me can understand what I'm going through and I feel horrible for what people must think of me.

Hi. I just wanted to say that I just did the same thing today...only 4 cars were involved...I hit one and spun the car 280 degrees and the car I hit also spun and hit another car waiting to turn...the 4th car I am not sure about who hit him or when. My feelings of guilt and shame are killing me though...and I too am not sure how or why this happened, and today of all days. No one was killed though thankfully. The car I was driving wasn't even mine though, as I couldn't get my car doors unlocked due to ice...I wish to become invisible...and feel like I need to make it up to the victims somehow...

I did close to the same thing. I was on my way to work, driving down the same road that I always drive down (every day for the last 4 years) and somehow totally missed a red light. I t-boned a bus. There were a couple very minor injuries and I totaled my car. The bus had some damage as well, but not much.

I just feel like such a failure. I've been dirving for 10 years and never been in an accident or gotten a speeding ticket or anything! What really gets me is simply not understanding what happened. How did I not see the red light and how did I not see the bus? I'm pretty sure I was daydreaming and sleep deprived. But I've done that before and never run a red light!

I'm so scared to drive again and scared it will happen again. Does it get better??

Perhaps talking to their surviving family could help you forgive yourself. I would be in therapy, too. Thank you for sharing on EP, it's good to know we're not the only ones recovering from a terrible accident.