I was in an abusive relationship. Was as in I have escaped and am now in a safe environment. It has been four years now, since I have learned what safe feels like. Just how lovely it is to feel safety.

I was my father's daughter. He was an angry man, full of harsh words and flaring tempers. But I admired him. I was 15 when he abandoned me. After he left, my mother became very abusive, physically and emotionally. I was in an abusive relationship with her for ten years.

I write this to tell you that there is hope. There is hope anywhere you may be. You can learn to love yourself once again and you will realize just how valuable you are. You are of so much worth.

There is healing. Yes, anger and pain will exist but you will learn to listen to the storms with patience and wisdom. You will survive. You will be cherished by people who see your worth.

The sun will shine. Oh how the sun will shine. There is nothing as precious as the warmth against your skin.
SkySeasoning SkySeasoning
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 23, 2014

How do you get to healing and feeling better?

Confronting the issue was a huge step. I never realized that I was in an abusive relationship or just how much I was suffering from everything. Finding stability after this realization was a huge blessing. You can't really heal until you are in a stable environment.

Then I began to go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD. The diagnosis was a huge help because it helped me finally understand my emotions and why I handled the things the way I did. I was able to talk about a lot things and it helped me grow stronger.

Under the guidance of a therapist, I was also able to confront my mother. Of course she denied everything but the confrontation in itself was freeing. I highly, highly recommend a good therapist. If you go to one, and don't feel it's helping, then find another one. But once you get a good therapist, it will be a huge help towards healing.

And through it all, I realized that being angry wasn't going to get me far. I wanted my mother to realize how much she had hurt me and felt that I could not heal without that. I wanted others to confess the truth of this abusive relationship. But then I realized that I may never get any of those. So I had to work on healing without them. I had to get past my anger and bitterness.

I'm a Christian, so I worked towards forgiving them too. Understanding what forgiveness really meant helped me a lot. That I could be rid of the anger without denying their actions or the pain they inflicted on me. That I could still forgive them and not be in a relationship with them if I choose so. Forgiveness turns out to be a constant choice. It's something I have to continually work on. But by doing so I am letting go a lot of pain.

Also understanding what healthy boundaries were. How to establish them. I read a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It is Christian so depending on your beliefs it may not be a good choice. But for me it was a great help to know what the dynamics of a healthy relationship look like.

And I had a lot of support. Before I was always surrounded by toxic relationships. Whether romantically or friendships, they were all very toxic. I made the tough choice to cut all ties with these people and for awhile I felt very alone. But then I started to make other friends, friends with whom I was able to have healthier relationships.

I had to completely turn my life around. I still struggle but I have come so far. Through my support and faith, I'm in a much better place. I am finally safe and have worked through a lot of my pain. It still exists, but it's a storm that I can now handle. I really hope that this is of help to you. Let me know if you need to talk or anything.

Much love,
me

This was really helpful. I appreciate the thoughtful advice. It helps me feel not alone.