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How I Can Change It

I am married for 5 years now in begining everything was fine but after 2 years my husband started changing. He started ignoring me shouting at me without any reason made life a hell. I tried everything to make him happy to keep peace in my house but he always told me that i am not a good wife and i dont deserve a good person like him i keep changing myself for him but he never appreciated anything.After an year i realized that he was cheating on me he had girl firiends alot of them actually i tried to ask him and he blamed me for being a phsyco patient.I showed him the proofs i had which he said were fake but he atleast stopped blaming me. My son is 3 now and i am again pregnant but my husband is still the same although he is not shouting in the house like before but he ignores me and tells me every day that marrying me was his biggest mistake. I want our marriage to survive because i still love him alot and for my children also  i am trying everything but still he is not changing a bit.My husband is controling everything in my life i am not allowed to make friends around me.Its horrible to be alone in this condition. What should i do?
littlestars littlestars 26-30, F 26 Responses Aug 17, 2011

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You have been given a lot of good advice here. From your description of your husband I believe you already know what to do. Do it for your children and yourself. Someone once asked me how do I know the right thing to do. My answer was usually the hardest thing will be the right thing. Wishing you all the best and good luck...

As my marriage dissolves around me I have been reflecting on the times I have been a terrible husband. Now I am looking back at those times knowing the damage has already been done. It may be too late to go back to your newlywed bliss but it is never too late to start a new relationship; a new Day 1 with the ground rules in place from the start.

Hope after two years, things are falling in place for You. Your being on EP and able to share Yourself is a positive change.<br />
Wishes.

I always advocate for the infamous adage about love, that it's not all about emotion but love is also about decision. But with those physical and emotional abuse going overboard, I would advice that you may consider to let go

I see lot of responses below about praying and how to be patient. I am new to EP and not really good in words.

It's your life and you live once. You cannot compromise your happiness waiting for someone to be good with you. Make a decision that give a meaning to your life. Once years passed you never get it back. Hope you everything will be alright with you.

Allah say dua kero n sabar karti raho......sub theek ho jaaay ga......Aap ka husband ubhi samajh nahi reha k wo kiys ker reha hay, but aik din he will know that he was wrong.
koi waja na benanay dayna kabhi laraiii ki bus. and dont let him near you if he doesnt love you

And husband, or wife for that matter, that always sees the negative, is irritable, angry, and tries to seek some kind of joy outside of the marriage is a very chronically depressed individual that cannot be changed, unless they honestly seek help and want to learn to cope with their own personality. You will not ever change them and it may be dangerous as well as mentally exhausting to stay in the relationship. You may be afraid to strike out on your own, but you will find no joy until you do. Check out the abuse prevention council in your community.

dnt wry my dear.... pray to god....... he will solve ur problems........i m feeling proud of u........

Look you have a terrible husband and you should not put up with that.That guy does not love you nor his kids.Time to get esp before he gives you some disease he picked from all his girlfriends.<br />
Don't put yourself through anymore of his abuse,he does not deserve you.Get out and make your way on your own and perhaps you will meet a new guy that truly loves you.

ahh you should not feel that way and try to communicate with your friends and to your parents perhaps at this time being pregnant is a problem and will affect the child when your emotions is bad...dont listen to your husband and find way to make friends in every way possible because he doesnt own you or your not a toy that he can do what he want you are human beings with feelings too.

Get out ASAP! The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave!

Kabi b on ko ni choren...on k saath rahen aur adjust karti rahen wo khod thik hnge jaldi...in sha ALLAH

mujhe pata hy aur mei ny yahe kia hy aur ab woh theek ho gaey hain.

hhhmmm bohot zbrdst...I am proud of you...Salute karta hn aap ko...Paki pakistani niklin yr...i hope aap sari umer khush rahen gi...

i'm sorry i'm going through this too. my wife is cheating on me. i think your husband is a coward should never abuse you. sorry

He does not love you, he doesn't even believe that having so many girlfriends (extra-marital) affairs on the side is wrong... Only when he believed it was wrong would he have stopped, and be able to change!<br />
<br />
Some men do not want to change because they do not value "Love" only cheap sex and fake love... Men who run away from "real love" going after the cheap thrills are cowards, they are weak and unable to take mature responsibility for "his family".<br />
<br />
Love sometimes blinds, but do not let Love make a fool out of you!!!

dont wait for him to change, for me the ultimate is that if hes cheating on u, then why you even with him.move on, thers surely someone out there who will lukafter you better, leave him and show him that marrying HIM was UR biggest mistake. trust me he wont know wots hit him

i know how it feels .im having problems with my husband as well becoz .he is cheating on me.we have a 3 mth old baby and this has been going on for 4 years nw .he ljust dosnt change and it makes me sick

I'm sorry for what you're going thru. I was/am in a relationship with a man who sounds similar to your husband. Altho he's become less harsh over the years with his verbal and physical abuse, he is still controlling, suspicious, etc. Just recently a woman commented on one of my stories and told me to research co-dependence. I was amazed at how closely some of the characteristics of co-dependency described me. It may be helpful to you to at least learn about and recognize and understand this disorder. hugs.

Sweetie Ur not alone. I been in a relationship with an abusive man for 4 years now. Our daughter jus turned 1. I have tried everything possible to keep our relationship going for the sake of our daughter. I been pushed, shoved,kicked, and even recently ran over by his car. Everytime I jus keep giving myself excuses that this is only temporary and that he will change. But reality is u will live like this for the rest of ur life if u dnt make a change. I kno that's wen u think about ur kids what if I do leave him. I will make my kids go thur this n that. But sweetie take advantag now while ur kids are still young n they dnt kno a thing. Fight for sole custody and leave his no good ***. Dnt live for now plan for the future. That is ur best bet for the sake of ur kids. That my plan cuz I'm tired of gettin beat. I deserve better and so do u. My main thing is I dnt want my daughter to see my bf disrespect me n have her thinkin this life style is ok. I'd kill a man if he ever mistreat my daughter like how my bf mistreat me. So save urself first and ur kids will thank u! Good luck babes

awesome.. how do you face life after all of that and remain strong?

I understand too, I am still finding it hard to let go! Like hoorhon said, you need to do what is right for you and your kids! It will be hard, I know I am in the process, but you will be better. I have a little girl and it is so hard, but one day we will make it. No on deserves to be treated like this and you need to remember you are special and deserve to be happy. That is one of the hardest things, remembering that we can be happy and we don't need them. I still love mine too and it made it so confusing, but he is not treating me right and he cheated. He doesn't change and unless he does for real, I am not taking him back. You deserve so much more and I hope you can find happiness. You are not alone and if you need to talk, message me!

Yeah,.. I know it's difficult to let go. But, nobody deserves to be treated like this. Be good to yourself and your kids! He isn't worth it. I know it's easy to say, but, the longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it will be for you to start again. Life goes on, and you shouldn't be wasting your time in an abusive relationship like this. It kills you spiritually and emotionally. I know from experience.. sadly

No one deserves to be treated this way, and I know you probably don't want to hear it, but leaving him is the only way that he may decide to change. He may not, but you don't need to be with someone who is abusive and neither do your children. There are women and children places, like My Sister's House, that can and will help you. Be strong. Hugs.

Get out, Get help, and move on.

my grilfreind has been living with me for almost 2 years. she is mentally killing me too.<br />
add me to the list

This sounds like me, but its my wife who is mentaly killing me, I dont know if she has cheated, I do love my wife and want to things to be different but iam at a lost on what to do anymore.